A
male
age
41-50,
*ugostephen
writes:Hi there6 weeks ago i found out i was going to be a dad, i was shocked at first but realised it was a special thing to happen. Then when we discussed it my partner did not want to live where we where at, she wanted me to move closer to her parents. This was not possible as i did not have the finances to do so. So she said well i cant live here i dont like it, so i said we'll stay here for a year till we get on our feet and lets see in a year, she could not do this she said she would get post natal depression, i then said it may be not a good time to have a family then and look at alternatives like an abortion, she did not like this and stormed out and ever since is saying she will bring it up on here own.Things were not too well between us before, we would have our arguements we split up at xmas and got back together, we split up again in february then got back. Now she is saying its the best thing she has done its like a weight being lifted off her shoulders, and i was a horrible boyfriend near the end and listed all the things i had done wrong. I was thinking has she got pregnant on purpose?I really want to get back together and be a family more than anything i have tried doing everything i can, she wont speak to me, talk to me hardley any contact at all. All she says is stop feeling sorry for myself and life is too short. I really cant take it at the moment i have been to the doctors for help iam not eating or sleeping she seams to be fine showning no emotions at all, she keeps saying iam thinking of the baby not you. I cant stop thinking of her and the happy times we had and that i wont have anymore with her and her family i really dont know what to do, iwant her so much. I dont think its hormones she says she will not bring the child up in a familly when we arque all the time she is not getting back just because of a child. I really dont know what to do.
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female
reader, shellycammon  +, writes (21 May 2008):
you mentioned you told her to get an abortion and she is probably still upset about that. She feels the baby even when she is a few weeks along they have a special bond and with you saying that she felt like you didnt want it so she left. its very frustrating for a woman to have her boyfriend just dismiss a unborn baby like that. its her body and even though it was just a thought that you had it probably really offended her. tell her your sorry and that you want to be there for the baby. call her everyday. text her just show her that you genuinely care. once the baby is born im sure she will probably have a change of heart it is hard to raise a baby on your own even when you do have family around.
A
male
reader, hugostephen +, writes (15 May 2008):
hugostephen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advice. I think my x girlfriend thinks she can bring it up on her own with the support of her family thats why she thinks she will get by,i want to help every way i can but she wont let me
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (15 May 2008):
 I am really really sorry you are going through this. I can understand how you are feeling. Your girlfriend is obviously going through a number of hormonal changes and she wants to be near her parents as she is obviously apprehensive about being a first time mum. I appreciate what you are saying about not having the finances to move but as she is in turmoil she is not thinking logically. To suggest that maybe it wasn't the right time to become parents may not have been the best thing to say at that moment in time and this has obviously upset her. I am sure you have told her that you didn't mean it you were just angry wit her. My advice to you would be to leave her alone for a while, and give her some space to use that awful expression. I think she will calm down soon and be more receptive to you. She will realise and be told that it is hard work bringing up a child by yourself and a chap like you who wants to be part of everything and a family is a godsend. I would maybe ring once a week just to check how she is and to see if you can do anything to help. A few weeks of being calm, supportive and friendly may make her realise what she is missing. In the meantime you need to look after yourself. i know you are upset by all of this and hopefully the doctor will have helped you. In these kind of situations I have found it is hard to eat and be positive but try to feed yourself something little and often as it will make you feel better in yourself. It is also a good idea to try to do a little exercise if you can as that makes you feel happier in yourself too.
I do think she will turn and become grateful for your love and support as time goes but it will take time. If her parents and friend see you acting as caring and responsile this will help too. Good luck,
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