A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am currently going thru a relationship crisis with my partner. We've been together 7yrs now. The issue is his lack of sexual desire! I find this very hard to cope with. It has been 5mths since we were last sexual and I can no longer handle this. We have a 7mths old son. Partner has high blood pressure only recently learnt of, and is being controlled by pills.To begin with, we never had an issue in the bed however this has proven to become an issue for me. To the point of breaking up this 7yr relationship. He ses that he would like to focus on his blood pressure, to get it down. Our family dr. has aparently said for him not to sort this issue out until his blood pressure has gone down which we're unsure of when?? I don't know what to do as of course I have my needs. We don't have that passionate connection anymore which is bothering me so much!! What do I do???????? Help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I am very surprised at all the selfish answers here. Here are the tests:
a) What would you do or advise if you are the one with high blood pressure that could, during sex, kill you? Would sex be your overriding priority over and above your partner's survival?
b) If this man was your son or your brother, would you advise he takes his partner/wife's sex drive as a priority over his own health?
c) Giving that "love" means "cause no harm" (according to Dr. Joel Akande of www.myeexpert.com), would you advise your wife/partner to proceed to have sex with you in order to satisfy you and he dies in the process?
In summary, do unto others the way you want others to do unto you. If you love him, help him to get well first then you can both have sex until eternity if you like.
A
female
reader, fi.uk  +, writes (7 July 2008):
It's really raw seeing this, I'm somewhat older but no wiser & my partner of 7+ years is currently trying to sever contact with me which I and anyone I speak to about it put down largely to his mega stress level & high blood pressure leading to being unable to deal with our problems - says I'm making him ill, thinks I'm the cause of his stress (ok, some of our problems ARE down to me, but I've belatedly started to deal with them which is of course the ultimate irony).... I know I should back off so he can recover, find it VERY hard because in his current mental state I don't see much chance of him wanting a future & without that future I won't get the chance to put things right. Oh, and yes of course it's right to want sex but the other comment about there are other sexual activities is probably the way to go. Do not stress or pressure him further. fi.uk
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): I am so sorry, I have dealt with the exact same thing and it is extremely hard to do without, especially in our sex crazed society. Perhaps some couples counseling would be helpful. Your feelings are being totally disregarded here and your husband needs to be aware of how you are feeling without it being taken as a personal attack on him.
I have a hard time believing as young as he is that he hasn't had ANY desires whatsoever in 5 months? Is he masterbating at all? If he is, he can certainly have sex of some sort with you, it doesn't need to be him on top doing all the work.
This is such a touchy situation because left unaddressed, you will become dissatisfied with the relationship, and if you bring it up in the wrong way, or too often, he will become unhappy with you....tyr counseling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): hi
i understand your problem i am suffering from the same in my reletionship and althought it is a MAJOR problem, i hope that is one that we can get past as I still love him, so you need to think is it the lack of sex that is bothering you or the lack of intimacy and love. i know which one would bother me the most.
oh and in regards to the heart condition, an orgasm can be a great stress releiver!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Wow, under doctor's orders he is to not stress or work on his sexual dysfunction until his blood pressure is down, and you are not being forgiving and understanding? The guy is at risk of a heart attack, and it only takes one to end his life if no one is around to help him. Right now he needs your support, and yes blood pressure medicine can make it difficult for him to perform.
Give him a break, ask him to pleasure you in other ways besides intercourse and don't stop the kisses and the sweet talk or he is going to resent you and you him. Talk this over with his doctor next time you go, and see if he can offer some suggestions for resuming sexual relations, but in the meantime tread carefully or you will destroy your relationship with your lack of care about his physical health. You aren't married, so I guess the in sickness and in health is not what you signed up for, but you seem to have needs that preclude his and that is just sad.
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