A
female
age
30-35,
*asey.xo
writes:im getting to the point where i just want to run away from this small town! ive been suffering from depression for quite a few years but i only started counselling a few months ago. my friends are treating me like shit lately. they use me for advice then just ignore me. none of them seem to care whether i get better or not and they just seem to push my problems to the side because theirs are more important. one of them gets drunk on a weekly basis, strips on webcam and does things with various boys every week. yet i overreact because i think thats wrong. but she thinks its fine for a fourteen year old to be doing. i dont want to be there when she gets hurt, but i cant very well say "i told you so".another one spends every spare moment she has with her boyfriend which im not to bothered about at times because he is a nice guy and im the reason they are still together but it seems like i cant go out with her or ring her because he'll be there. when we're at school none of them wait for me anymore, they all guilt me into helping them with their homework which makes me stay up even longer doing my own. they seem to stand infront of me and have their own conversations and whisper to eachother about secrets. the issue i have is i have done nothing wrong. im there for them all the time, when there other friends aren't. at home my mum is making me feel like im no good at anything. she says i dont try hard enough at school, forgetting the A i got in english and the good comments i do get. she says she understands about my depression but she obviously doesnt if she doesnt get why i cant be doing school work all the time because im to upset or just dont feel up to it. can somebody tell me what to do? my friends can be nasty when you fall out with them, but i just dont want to be close to them anymore. the truth is i want to get out of this town and just start off again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Oh, kasey.xo, I do understand, even though I am a guy. I had a lot of the same problems when I was in jr. high. My parents were very interested in how I did in school and I did my best. I had a lot of "friends" from way back who expected me to "carry them". We were in sports together and they needed the grades to stay on the team. I was between a rock and a hard place. If I said, "no, do your own work", they would have called me a geek and I would not have had any friends, and I would have been "shut out" on the court in basketball and shut out in football. I know I was being used. But, I got a reprieve. I had a teacher who was also a coach, and he set me straight. He told me to forgert about being their "skateboard". He also gave them a good sermon. Some got dropped from the team because of bad grades, but they were never my friends. The others shaped up and made it. We still studied together, but I did not do anybody's work for them. They may not have "liked me" as much, but at that point I did not care. I went into high school the next year ...and it was a whole different "ball game"..(smile). Don't let these little parasites bug you, hon. They are not your friends. You will meet lots of people in a few years who will be real friends. They will be as mature and real as you are. Best wishes...and hugs,.. Tom.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I'm Sorry your friends are being so immature. You are so right, the girls are doing Alot of damage to their self image and will REGRET it for Sure. I'm glad you have the wisdom to see it.
I look back and REGRET giving up the friends that treated me like a REAL friend, for the ones that 'used' me. Here's the secret: YOU are a winner, they are the losers ;) I remember the peer pressure to be liked was important to me, but I Let them take my 'self' so to speak, and that leads to depression. (I always had that HOPE back in my mind, I can't wait til graduation) but I think back how I only needed 1 or 2 GOOD friends I could trust, and the rest could be 'acquaintances'. Anyways, I have an idea. How about getting 'busy' with your life. That excuse works for me when people try to take advantage of me. For instance, is there a club or sport you're interested in? (I wish I would've joined Tennis :) This will SLOWLY get their dependence Off you because you simply CAN"T do their homework if you're at practice, meeting, game, in a play, music practice, babysitting...plus it's FUN. Or anything else you 'commit' too as a GOOD excuse why you're Not Available. (This will build your self confidence too) This subtle way of breaking free from their 'draining' ways is better than the DRAMA of saying, " I can't be your friend anymore"
Give yourself a little joy every week. Rent a favorite movie, buy a little piece of jewelry, take a bubble bath.
You will discover a New You, and a hopefullness for your life. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Hi depression is a real hard thing to deal with. Now, im not going in to my details but i have had it for going on 12 years due to real bad child hood back then i would have been 6. I havnt had counsiling. Running away wont solve anything trust me. It just makes everything hurt more ive lost my friends now all i have is my boyfriend its sad! Keep your head up and stay strong thats all i can say, i know it gets tough. Peace owt homie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Stop being there for them...they Are using you! You can't leave home. Instead try reinventing yourself. Don't let people take advantage of you! These people are Not your friends! Cut them out of your life, you may find a new self-respect and a lessening of your depression.
When we allow people to use us, it lowers our self-steem and causes depression.
Concentrate on Your schoolwork, not theirs! And by the way...congratulations on the A in English and all the good comments!
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