A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright well..I really need an opinion on something that happen just this week. I get so many mixed signals from a former teacher of mine... I recently saw him after classes and we were just talking and then I had him help me with Math..I told, Ohh man, I have a test this week, can you help me out. So he did..we went to the library on campus and then after we were done ..we were leaving and I was assuming we were just gonna go our seperate ways..but he kept talking to me and then he was like ohh man I forgot my keys..and we were like.. just heading around the corner from where the table was that we were sitting ( meaning, we were not that far from the keys...lol) and I turned towards him and said..ohh well you should go back for them and he was like...well are you coming?? Like he was just going around the corner..I didnt think he needed me to go with him. So... I was said...Umm..do you want me to--- and then he was like...hold on, and he ran to the table got his keys and ran back.Anyway, long story short, we were walking out and a girl in one of my classes stopped me and as we were talking...he was like alight well, I guess I will see you ladies later...and he left. Now part of me feels like...Should I have just blew off my friend and ran and caught up with him, rather then talk to her? We were only talking for like 2 min. and he was so quick to leave me there with her, it was not like he was acting like he wanted me to stick around. Although I really think he did.. And my friend was heading to class..so it was not like we could go hang out or anything. So, once again...things just didnt happen with us. So, I decided to give us seeing eachother one last try. For those who dont know, I posted a question on here acouple of months ago..Here is the link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-not-sure-if-my-teacher-is-seriously.html. It pretty much explains the whole back story.But really, the point is, everytime me and this guy try to talk alone about stuff...we always get interupted or someone or something bothers us...but I figured I would try to see him alone, one last time. I went to visit after school last week, to see if he could help me study for my Final in Math I have soon. I had gone to a lunch in with friends earlier that day, so I guess you can say I was dressed really nice..I was in jeans and a shirt, but they were dressier..it was a bit dressier then I usually look. He didnt know I was coming and when I walked in and said " Hey"..he said Hey, and then when he turned around he said, " ohh jesus Nicki.." it was so wierd. I asked him if he was Ok, and he said yes, and then was like...'Would you like a piece of Gum?" Totally Random! He just pulled out Gum...So I said, sure...Thanxs. He seemed a bit nervous after that...but after acouple of minutes he seemed back to normal again. That same afternoon, while we were sitting there I noticed he had gotten a hair cut and I told him..Ohh you got a hair cut.. and he was like...yeah I did, Thanks for noticing...your very observant Nicki..he seemed shocked that I noticed it. I guess maybe no one else had said anything...I dont know. Is that big deal for you guys??What do you guys think about all of this? Is he just never going to make a move on me and I am going to have to make the move, if I want anything to happen between us. Maybe he is just shy...I dont know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I did graduate from a small school..so yes, everyone is pretty close and everyone knows everyone..lol! that is just how it is. But, I agree with you, the whole thing with his family and the administration and stuff...I was like...OK, that is just strange. I couldnt figure out if his mom was joking around, or she was serious. And as for the Extra Help, he told me at the end of last year that if I ever needed any help, I could come back and see him.
To be honest, I did a good portion of the semester on my own, and using resources at the college but there were times that I just didnt get it and I guess, its just that feeling, when you are working with someone you are used to working with again...it was like he already knew my stregnths and weaknesses and where I am confused and he can just tell by now...he just knows, considering he taught me last year..so I guess you can say I just felt comfortable with him and I literally live down the block from both my College and my High School, so I am not going out of my way.
As much as I am going to see him...its always nice..I really was going for Help. I never just randomly go see him for no reason...if I am there, its because I need help. I dont know, i guess Iam gonna have to talk to him about all of this eventually...we'll see how it all works out I guess..
A
female
reader, Tevote  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Hey there,
I think whatever you choose to do will be fine. I think that something is bound to happen to bring you to closer together some time, and all I can say is goodluck-there is no point in trying to tell you what to do because you have to do what you feel is best for yourself, but just listen to the advice people give. Which you probably are and yeah lol goodluck! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): ok...it's the same dude from earlier today and the 6th.
That stuff with her mom and friends is a bit weird...to say the least. I'm thinking this is a very small school. It sounds like you enjoy his company. But perhaps his feelings towards could be a bit stronger than yours towards him which makes him nervous.
Did you go back to this him just for help or to see him? Usually college is way too exciting for kids to be going back for visits.
Anyways...leave nothing on the table. Nip this thing in the bud so you don't start to obsess over it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReally... you dont even know, people were bothering me during the year about him, they would always say " were gonna come back to your 10yr reunion, and you two are going to be together...blah blah.." and believe it or not, his family (His mom is the Vice Principle) but last year she was the dean of students..but she has always been working in the school and she actually came out and told me last year, one day as I was leaving the school..she saw me and asked me if I had seen her son, and I said no..and then I told her how much I was improving in his class though and she was like " well, I am glad you are doing well and you know...you are very lucky..very lucky that my son likes you and she just looked at me..and then said.. because he does, he likes you.." and I was like..OK...lol! and then my last day of classes last year, a women who is his mom's best freind at school she does something for the administration, I am not positive on what it is..but she saw me and I was joking with her about how much there gonna miss me around the school and I said "ohh you guys love me!" and she was like..well we all know and she said my teacher's name..and she said.."we all know he loves you"..and it was so random. It was kind of like...everyone saw "something", except for me...
But.. I understand what your saying..it would definitely suck having to live my life with all of these "What Ifs" all because I never bothered to give anyone a chance. I dont know, I guess i am just gonna have to make the first move and see what happens...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): OK...so this is from the dude that posted on the 6th of december just so you know.You guys are fairly close in age. I don't know what he's waiting for...maybe he needs time or he is a bit shy. Or maybe he fears what others in the community will think of him. But judging by what you said today it sounds like he likes to hang tight with you at school functions without fear...which would suggest maybe he doesn't care what others think. And I bet others see the chemistry as well. Anyways, as soon as I feel chemistry with someone I try to act on it...perhaps it's a bit aggressive but I don't like things to get stale.Like I said now it's past the phase where he's your teaching and your the student. Now it's just about two people that area attracted to one another. If you want him go get him. Just suggest that you should hang out some time...just like that. It's that simple. I can't tell you how many times I've missed opportunities with other very attractive girls when I was 19-25 yrs old (before I was ever a university instructor). It was always because I waited to long, missed obvious signs, or made the situation to complected. Basically 'cause I was an idiot.Like I said if he is not going to make the move I'd suggest to hang out some time. And if he doesn't bite after several attempts move on 'cause it'll drive you crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno, thanks for the response and and your opinion on all of this.
As for the photo..I gave a lot of teachers pictures and they all have them in thier offices/classrooms..but no one has ever FRAMED it. He had it framed and when I came to visit he was like...You need to check out my office...and when I asked why, he was like..I framed that photo of you and I. I was like..OK..lol There has been other times..like...when I saw him at a Game and He randomly told me, he used me in his "First day of school speech" he gave to his classes and he's like..I bring you up all the time..and then he was messing with our cell phones...trying to take pictures of me and trying to figure out how to save pics. of himself on mine, etc.
So I mean, we are not really nervous or feel akward around each-other, at least I didnt think we were like that with each-other, but like I said in my first post on here...when I came to visit and he gave me that strange reaction...maybe he does feel akward with me..I dont know. And I dont know how to like...bring all of this stuff up with him without sounding strange..l mean do I just invite him out? lol...wouldnt that be abit pushy? I know I just finished my first college semester and I had him help me review for the final and we were takling about the college teacher I had and he was like..(jokingly)..."I think you should invite your teacher out to dinner", and I was like..why would I want to do that? and he didnt answer..he just said.ohh..I dont know...so I am taking it..he just wanted me to invite HIM to dinner?? I mean, I told him...I owe you one..because he does not HAVE to help me anymore..especially since I am not his student...and he still helps me anytime I need it. I dont really go to my High School anymore...so if we talk its usually ending up being via E-mail but..we dont have like ongoing conversations..like we will E-mail eachother once or twice and thats it...and then something else will happen and we will E-Mail eachother again..so its not like we talk consistantly..where I can just be like..." so..you wanna grab lunch this weekend of whatever?" I mean...maybe I can just E-mail him one day and see when he's free and just tell him, I wanna thank him for always being there...even when you dont really have to. You know...tell him i'll treat him to lunch somewehere or something?? I dont know..
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I've been teaching on and off in university for years now. Ever since I was 26 (now 31) so I have some experience with this. From reading your last post it seems like this guy was crossing a boundary that I would not cross myself. The picture thing is a bit weird but if you gave it too him what is he supposed to do with it exactly? I've had several students of mine flirt unabashedly in class but it sucks 'cause while I am their instructor a conflict of interest exists so I keep it to smiles, light conversation, and humor only. It sucks and is VERY frustrating because at times I'm often very attracted to them as well. Idk...it just sounds like he leaked a bit too much info about his feelings towards you when you were still his student.But now your not his student anymore so this is different. I was in a situation like this a few years ago. Myself and another student developed a chemistry after her countless visits too my office hours. I waited 'till after the semester to express my interest but she declined. She was good at teasing me though 'cause I must have asked her out about a dozen more times but but no go. Now I've developed a thick skin a bit 'cause I have many attractive student each of which I can easily build a chemistry with...but this is the type of person I am. So just know that this guy could have another one of you already without you knowing this. And I've witnessed many a female students of mine blossom into young women from afar..but kept it too myself. The only time I'd admit this too them is maybe if I dated them for a long time.Basically it's like this...you should see each other off campus. I've ran into ex students of mine off campus at the bars and at that point I don't feel like I have to walk on egg shells or anything...and neither do they. It sounds like he likes you but his past behavior is a bit suspect to be honest. Take it slow at first 'till you feel comfortable with one another so you can express your true feelings without having fight through nerves and ackwardness.I personally would be flattered if one of my students wanted to hang but often think they are weirded out by the fact that I was their teacher. It would be weird for me too but I would try to put it aside if she was worth it.Sorry for the wordy response.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell..for awhile I thought...maybe its the fact that ....I am always with a group of people when I see him. That was why, more recently..I started seeing him ALONE, and not with a group. I realized that when we were alone was when, we really "talked" to each other. I dont want to just keep beating around the bush you know...but really its like...neither of us, are every really up front about any of this. I am thinking If I can catch him alone...like you said..outside of school...we can talk more openly...But do you think its really the (Former-Student/teacher thing) that is holding him back from just telling me exactly how he feels, or do you just think he is that shy.
He does not come off like a shy person, at all...when you first meet him. He doesnt ever seem to care what anyone else thinks...so thats why I just cant seem to believe that he would be this shy to me. I mean we were together almost 24/7 last year. Sure, we bumped heads a lot, but we also grew on each other..and we are so comfortable with each other, at least I thought we were. I guess I dont know. And its not like he "hides" me...he has a photo of the two of us framed in his office, that he shares with another teacher. I couldnt believe it, when I came to visit this year, he was like..you have not seen my office, go up and take a look..and I was like...OMG...that looks alittle strange..lol..I was flattered and shocked at the same time. I seem to have taken over a little corner in the offiice. He has a bunch of little things, that we would joke around with and stuff..all in that corner..lol
And We talked alittle via E-Mail and he told me, this, and maybe i'll get your opinion...since your a male TEACHER. I e-mailed him to tell him how well I did on this big college Math exam that I had taken. and I did really well, so I was just passing on the news, and he responded to me and he congratulated me and then towards the end of his e-mail he told me, " he was proud of me, and not just academically, but he was proud of the women that I was becoming, and he told me that everytime he looks at the photo of him and I in the office, he finds himself smiling and it makes him happy".
How would you take that????
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): It's hard. Teachers are looked up to in society as "higher morality beings," which isn't really fair. They're simply human.
I believe in soul mates and fate and all that. If there really is an attraction there, go for it. Otherwise, you'll always be wondering.
I will tell you this: As a teacher, especially a male teacher, he is scared to death. He might like you, but with all the crap going around society today about teachers messing with their students, he's scared. Obviously, you're not his student anymore, but it's still a scary thing for him. Reputation is everything for a teacher, sadly.
So understand that---he's scared. Visiting him at school is probably a VERY bad idea. If things work out, the relationship might have to be on the d/l for a few years. That's just the way it is, unless he gets a job somewhere else where nobody will know either of you.
I know this because---I am a male teacher. I fell for a former student that I had years ago. She just appeared one day and we had a connection. I've never had any interest whatsoever in any student ever---so I knew this was something that maybe I should look into.
We're taking it slow and careful. Do the same. Society has created all of these stupid rules that make good people look bad. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad people out there that make rules necessary. 100 years ago this wouldn't even have been an issue.
I feel for both of you, because the situation could be potentially very stressful. I know in my case---it was. I feared all of the people that I cared about changing their judgement of me. Ultimately, though---those that really care about you and know you--stick with you, because they understand who you are.
So--to summarize: Take it slow. Be careful. He needs to feel comfortable, or nothing will ever happen.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Tevote +, writes (23 November 2008):
Well from what it sounds like-he does like you but is shy. I think that if you have feelings for him, ask him if he wanted to join you for lunch or something? I don't know if you wanted to.
He seems attracted to you but I don't think he would say anything because I think he thinks you would freak out. I dunno maybe wear something a tiny winsy little bit revealing like it's accidental the next time you see him, if you feel comfortable wearing something a little like that- but make sure it's you, and just observe see if he compliments you or stares.
But just do what you feel comfortable with, maybe just continue to visit him and be yourself, friendly. I'm sure something will happen if it's meant to :)
Goodluck and just do what you feel comfortable doing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question** AND JUST FOR THE RECORD..This guy was my teacher LAST year, I graduated Last year, and he taught me my Senior Year. We just see eachother occasionally now and then whenever I visit my former school or at Games and stuff like that. **
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