A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I end my relationship with my boyfriend?. It's always the same pattern, and I am getting fed up.He has Bipolar Disorder. I know he can't help that, but I have been with him for almost three years, and things aren't going anywhere.On the weeks he has money, I don't see him for a few days. He goes to see his friends sometimes who live in another area. When his money runs out, he sees me. He even asks me for money sometimes, even bits of money, like 20p or £1. We never go out anywhere together, and lately, we have hardly been making love.He drinks a lot sometimes too. I am getting to the end of my tether.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): Actually, he doesn't come to my house. He isn't allowed here. I live with other members of my family, and they don't want to let him come here. He used to come here, but something put them off. He was in our house once at night. He was drunk and he kept shouting. I'm not sure if he even realised what he was doing at the time, but my family haven't let him back in since. One of my family members isn't well physically, and my family think they would get upset or scared if he acted that way again.He has his own place. All we do is watch tv, go out for walks, and make love, although, like I said, we haven't made love much lately. I think we should be going out to more places together. But, it's difficult, because sometimes he doesn't have much money (although, that is his own fault ), and sometimes, there have been some embarrassing moments when we have been out together. That has usually been when he has drunk a lot though.He is supposed to leave his house soon too. I'm not sure what date though. He has sometimes said that if he wasn't with me, he would move away to where he used to live, and he would be homeless there.He has been homeless before. he hasn't even tried to find another house here, even though some people have tried to help him. He hasn't turned up to any appointments that have been arranged for him. I think soon he will have to make a decision whether to stay in this area or not.Also, he doesn't give me money. He has bought me gifts sometimes, but that's usually on special occasions. He spends his money on himself, although, he has bought us meals sometimes.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (9 June 2014):
 Ugh. Time to drop him. You're no therapist, and no diagnosis justifies verbal and emotional abuse. Get out while you can.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2014):
Again, what does that have to do with you?? He doesn't take care of himself, and he doesn't have the money to keep the house with food? I'm guessing that his house isn't the only place you two ever go, and that he goes to yours as well? Does he give YOU money to buy food for both of you when you're not at his house??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): He is so ignorant. He kept hanging the phone up on me yesterday. I called him again today. He was outside. I heard him swear at someone who was close by, and then he said he will talk to me again in a few hours, and he hung up on me!. It's like he just wants to keep me hanging on for him. I haven't seen him since Tuesday, and we have hardly been in contact all week. Like I said, it's been like this before. I don't know why he has to be so nasty to people either by swearing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): Youwish, he spends the money on food for both of us when i go to his house. He hardly eats and he has lost weight. Sometimes, there is no food in his house at all for days. He doesnt tidy the place up either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2014):
 It seems like you have already left the relationship, at least mentally. So what is holding you back? You think people will think less of you for leaving a bi-polar man? You are not leaving his disease, you are leaving him.
It's OK to outgrow a relationship. And it is OK to say I don't feel I get enough out of this.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2014):
Who cares what he has. Are you his therapist? He *can* help himself, even with that. He can help by managing it closely under a doctor's care. If he were to murder someone in a manic rage, he'd still have to answer for it, and if he were to harm himself and cause permanent damage to himself, up to and including suicide, the consequences are blind to his diagnosis.
Likewise, his behavior has consequences that mean that he is no longer a good partner to you, no longer is a smart choice for your future, and in fact has become toxic to the point that your 30's will become your 40's with nothing to show for it.
What if you were to tell him that you were never going to give him another single penny? That's what you should have said in the first place. Why are you his personal ATM in the first place? That is NOT what girlfriends do, and a guy who keeps taking money from a girl is not a man. It's not Bipolar, but it's arrogant narcissism to make you pay him to have sex with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): You gave good reasons to leave a boyfriend. So what's holding you back from leaving? Guilt?
Your boyfriend's mental-health issue does not obligate you to tolerate or put up with his bad behavior. Are you afraid of being judged for leaving him?
So you've reached your saturation point. It's up to you to find your happiness and peace of mind. Other people can't give that to you.
Give yourself permission to do what's right for you.
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