A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a gay guy and i have a best friend who i have known for around a year now. I have been in love with him since the moment i met him but there are a few problems.1. I'm not "out".2. He is 100% straight (as far as i know. He has a daughter).3. He has a bitch of an ex girl friend who he is on/off with constantly and screws his head up.4. He is very homophobic.I literally love this guy more as a friend rather than my own feelings for him. But it kills me that i can't tell him i'm gay. I know he has a daughter but i'm so confused whether he has any gay feelings at all in him. If we're watching a film together he'll do things like lie with his feet on me and move his feet into my hands and start rubbing them on me, while he does this he'll put his hand down his trousers aswell for quite a while, he'll lean on me if i'm sitting next to him aswell.But he told me a while ago he hates gays and if he ever found out i was gay he would fall out with me big time.I love this guy to bits and will do anything not to lose him, even if i have to keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life.But i just want to know if something is there or something could happen if i break it to him in the right way? But i'm so scared of losing him.
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female
reader, Taylor_1118  +, writes (7 February 2011):
Okay, wow straight guys don't do that AT ALL. I know many straight men and they don't do that whole feet rubbing thing. He knows your gay, thats why he's doing it. He would never try that with another one of his striaight buddies, because if he did he would get a serious beat down. He sounds Homophobic because it seems he can't accept his own homsexual feelings. In this case be very careful,when telling him how you feel, he might lash out at you violently as many homphopic men do,especially if they are gay themselves and can't accept it. He might very well want a sexual relationship with you but he is not ready to come out. If you really want to to take this further start with telling him you are gay, and see how that goes but do not tell him that you have any feelings for him yet. tell him since he is your friend you wanted him to know. tell him you know he has said homphobic things in the past and you want to know if your homosexuality will affect your friendship. Do this over the phone please for your own saftey. If he responds well then LATER ON! let him know about your feelings for him. Remember he has a daughter and that may be a big factor in him not beinig able to accept his on homsexuality. Be mindful of that and careful .. Good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): You need to realize that the fear of what "may happen" is usually 10X worse than what ever does happen! Many of us spend WAY TOO MUCH time worrying about things that never happen.
Relax! You real freinds will stick by you 100%!
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A
female
reader, HawkDoll +, writes (2 February 2011):
It kind of sounds like there actually is something between you two. Like how he has you rub his feet; that doesn't seem like something a straight man would want his male friend to do for him if that guy really hates gay men. Also how he rests his legs on you and leans on you it seems like he likes touching you. That could be normal for a straight man but then why would he act so homophobic? It sounds like your friend might be gay too. Closeted gay men sometimes act very homophobic to hide their own homosexuality. If you are in love with him I would say be there for him and be the best friend you can and of he is gay and has those feelings for you they will come up eventually.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 PS fear is always worse than reality. The fear of losing him will not be as bad as the reality if it happens.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (2 February 2011):
No one is worth losing your identity for. If he can't accept you for who you are then he is not a true friend and shouldn't be in your life. Your love for him can go nowhere since he is straight so you need to move on and find someone who can love you back and you need people around you who will support you and love you the way you are.
If I were you I would fess up. Tell him you are gay and that you would still like to be friends with him but if he goes phobic on you then move away and move on he's not worth it.
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