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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 19. I haven't had much experience! However with people I don't know that well, for example I met on holiday or on a night out, I have no problem being physical with them. But whenever I really like someone I somehow get so shy and tense up. I can't get myself to do any sexual really!! Why is this? Cause they are the people I want to be close to, not people I don't have feelings for! Advice please! x
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 I think when you're with these people who mean nothing to you, you have nothing to prove and you're simply doing that to please you. When you're with someone you care about, it's not just about you anymore: you want to please them too, as making love is 2-way thing.
You need to find someone you truly love and trust before you can really feel comfortable with them. It's crazy to think you could do all this stuff with other people you hardly know but when it comes to someone you care about, you can't do anything! Surely, that stuff should only be for people you care about?!
But you're in a position many people are: they suddenly realise, when they're with someone they care for, that it's not as easy as when the other person means nothing to you. You've got something to prove and it really means something to you that you both enjoy it.
Stop doing anything with people you don't care about. Wait until you truly love and trust someone and, as your confidence is built up, you will find it easier. This really is all about your confidence. When people go out and have sex with strangers, this is because they feel they can walk away without the shame and embarressment if it goes wrong. When it's someone you love, it's not that easy.
You're worth so much more than this so get your head together. When that perfect guy comes along, and you've waited until the time is right, I promise, it will all feel fine.
Good luck
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