A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together now for just over a year. We both love each other very much but in oct 2008 i went off to uni. I'm only 19 and my boyfriend is 25; but were experiencing some real problems. I'm finding it extremely hard being away from him and its very unsettling for me, whereas it doesn't seem to affect him as much but this may be due to the age difference.However it is making me react in a negative way i seem to start arguments on a regular basis, as i have alot of male friends i have a very negative image of men and don't trust them and unfortuantly this makes me nervous about my boyfriend and its getting to the stage where it's making me ill.Part of me wants to just give up and give being single a shot but the other part of me loves him and ino i'd be unhappy without him in my life.Whats worse is i go out drinking alot and end up either getting down about my boyfriend not being with me or flirting with other guys to build my self esteem. I'm really scared it's guna lead me to cheating.I was wondering if you have any suggestions on what I should do? Should I split up with him or is there a way around this?
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female
reader, shna  +, writes (1 February 2009):
 flirting with boys isnt a bad thing its a great thing that you can still be able to talk with other men besides your boyfriend . mabye you could try visting your boyfriend at weekends and see how that goes because it doesnt seem that your trying hard to make the relationship works . . . from your question anyway i mean yea txting an talking on the phone or he internet is contact but you have to actually physically conect with him . . if theres any chance in your survival ... =]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I know exactly where you're coming from. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year and it is very hard sometimes. He and I have been down some very bumpy roads, taking breaks, and seeing other people, but in the end we just wanted to be with each other.
I think you need to avoid tempting situations, because you will start to take the flirting a little further each time, and that could lead you down a very dark path. There is no turning back once you've done that. So, avoid going out drinking and flirting with guys because, first of all, that could lead somewhere you don't want it to, and second of all, the drinking obviously makes you more emotional and that's why you get so down about your boyfriend. What has he done so wrong? He is handling your distance in a mature way and I know you want to know that he misses you just as much as you miss him, but you just have to trust that he does. Just because he's not emotional about it doesn not mean he doesn't care.
As for the arguing, I know how that can make you feel like things really are not working between you two. But I think the arguing happens when you're forced to have conversations and can never even just sit quietly and cuddle together. It's like you just run out of things to talk about, so you provoke an arguement out of frustration. I have definitely been there. Don't let your arguements get out of control. Once you realize that an arguement is about to start, take a break. Get off the phone with him for ten or fifteen minutes and cool down. Then call him back once you're feeling better.
If you feel like your relationship with your boyfriend still just isn't working, it may be time to take a little break, and remain talking as friends. Long distance relationships are very hard and they take a lot of effort to maintain. You have to be willing to put forth that effort or the physical distance between you will turn to emotional distance as well. I really hope everything works out for you and I wish you the best of luck!
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