A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been feeling a little lost and depressed with my relationship. Before this, I'd been with someone who was very emotionally and mentally abusive. It took a lot for me to finally get away from him, he was extremely manipulative. About a year later I ended up in my current relationship, and I've been with him for almost 2 years.I only see him maybe once or twice a week now, because whenever I see him I know at some point we're going to have sex. If I saw him everyday, he'd want it everyday. I used to spend the night, but now I find any reason I can not to. When I do, it's sex about 3 or 4 times everyday. Even if I'm alseep, it doesn't matter. His younger brother was even asleep near us on one occasion, and he still tried for it. We only usually spend time at my house or his, or if we DO go out it's followed by going back to one of those places to have sex. I feel like I'm finding excuses not to see him rather than spend time with him. I'm so confused. He's not like the guy in my previous relationship, but I know things aren't right. My friends have been urging me leave him, and at this point I'm not sure why I'm holding on..I'd really appreciate advice, I feel so stressed over this and it's really starting to affect my every day life.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 January 2016):
 I think you are reluctant to leave this relationship because you know it is better than what you have had in the past. However it is still no where near a loving happy relationship that you deserve.
I hope you have dealt with your past issues and moved on from your ex. Now as for your current boyfriend. You need to stand up to him. Tell him you want to feel loved not just be there for sex. He needs to show you that he cares, he needs to treat you well and take you out. Don't accept anything less. If he was the man for you then he would treat you like a princess and make you feel special. Conversation would be important to him and it doesn't always need to end up with sex.
I can see that you are starting to be put off him because of the sex, and that is completely normal. If you are not in the mood well then you should be able to still stay over and just cuddle up with him without him continually hinting at sex.
Maybe he just needs a nudge in the correct position. Maybe he is just stuck in this rut because you have allowed it for so long. Its time now to tell him what you want and need from this relationship and if he doesn't work hard to please you then I don't think hes the man for you.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 January 2016):
 You boyfriend seems to be stuck in a routine, and may be unware that you would prefer to be making love, rather than just be having sex. He might not even know there is a difference so you are going to have to tell him.
Be up front, tell him you feel that all you are to him are a handy receptacle for him to stick his penis into, and that you are not getting anything positive from the relationship. If he seems receptive to your comments, then you might have to give him a little leeway for a few weeks while he gets out of the rut of his current routine, and recognises the benefits in what you are asking for. Just let him know when he appears to be slipping back into bad habits, if he forgets he needs to be putting some fun into the relationship, and remind him not all dates have to end in a session in bed. Maybe try going out on dates where he KNOWS before hand sex is not going to happen after.
If, however, he does not seem receptive to change, then find a new boyfriend, we all deserve better than the deal you have been getting lately.
Good luck!
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