A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling so sad and insecure right now and I don't know why. I've been thinking about my weight a lot and i've been really stressed out and ill and i'm trying to be a support beam for everyone as well as keeping myself standing up. My boyfriend's gramp is really ill, so i have to help him. plus my boyfriend is having trouble in college with work and we are in the same classes so i try to help him there too. I have to keep his self-confidence up because it falls low sometimes. My friend is just starting in a new relationship (her first proper one) and has all these worries and concerns about all of these things and i'm helping her with these. As well as listening to her normal problems. My other friend is really depressed and stressed out and feeling all alone and i'm trying to be there for her. I also have my own stuff going on. I'm failing my classes because i don't have the time or the energy to do the work. My grandad is really sick and has alzheimers and i'm so worried about him and my whole family and feeling useless cos i can't help out at all. I've just started a new job and because it's easter i've worked more than twice my normal hours this week, ontop of being ill. I don't think i can push myself anymore but i can't stop doing what i'm doing. I feel like just breaking down. I hate myself right now and i know that i'm just trying to help everyone to give me something to feel good about because if i don't help, i feel like a useless bad person for not being able to help. I'm not able to tell anyone, not even my boyfriend or my parents, that I'm suffering because they've all got their own things going on and i'm only feeling this bad because they are so how can i expect them to help me when they need help themselves? I don't know what to do with myself. I think i'm getting in over my head. Sometimes as well, i feel like my boyfriend is insensitive and doesn't realise (most probably something to do with boys being less sensitive than girls) that when i ask him something, there's a specific answer. He said he hated his nose, i told him i loved it. He said he felt like a bad person, i told him he was wonderful. Then i said i felt short, and he said 'what would it be like if you were taller?' and i said 'would you like it better if i was taller?' and he said 'i dont know' ... why couldn't he just lie and say 'no?' it's not like i can grow through my own free will is it? I'm sorry for ranting on. I just need to know what i can do make things seem better. so i can pick myself back up and be there for the people who need me. Any advice you have would be so helpful. thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): i guess i know how you must have been feeling when you put the message out there.......i am feeling SO low today.....i put my ambitions on hold and waited 2 years while my wife finished her masters, and a few months ago left a well paying job to start my own business.....today i had two major deals collapse.....worst of all is my wife never understands when i need moral support....i can't divorce her 'cause i don't want her to go through the emotional tsunami that a divorce would put her through......but right now i just hate it that she doesn't understand that i need her to just give me moral support....how can she ever be the woman behind my success? it hurts so bad.......
A
female
reader, Bean317  +, writes (22 March 2008):
You're a people pleaser. I used to be like that. You just care so much about everyone's wellbeing and want them to be happy. Its very sweet and caring of you, but who's looking to see that you're happy? You're the domino at the end of the line that everyone's falling on...there's no way you can hold everyone's weight. You have your own issues and problems and you're entitled to them. Its difficult and I know it may feel like you're being a bad person but you're not and you just have to accept that there are things out of your control. You can't fix everyone else. Focus on you, the one thing you can control. You can control your own thoughts and views and happiness. Hang in there and give yourself some tlc
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