A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with my ex back in the beginning of october. we really did love each other, although we just weren't right for each other. we were going different directions and wanted different things. we also had very different personalities. i'm very laid back and she's very dominating and type A personality. anyway, despite love, we clashed too much and just couldn't make us work, and we broke up. it was a mutual break up, although it still took a little while to not miss being together.we managed to stay friends because we had a mutual respect for each other and neither of us did the other wrong while together in any way. we just weren't right for each other. we still keep up with one another and ask how each others day is going, etc. we usually talk at least once a day through text. anyway, i sincerely thought i was completely over her. i really, honestly did. we took some time away from each other initially after the break up, and when we began speaking again, we only spoke as friends, nothing more. and i never questioned it or felt anything besides friendship at that point. i never missed her or the relationship, or wanted us to get back together. in the meantime, i met someone else recently and have started seeing them and never once missed being with my ex at all. i thought i'd given myself enough time. this girl's wonderful and i'm very happy with her. i wouldn't in a million years give up what i have with this new girl for a relationship with my ex again. i actually have a ton in common with her while my ex and i drove each other insane and had nothing in common. i truly would never want her back. however, i just spoke with my ex today, and she informed me that she met someone she really likes and they have started dating. and for some reason, this made my heart ache, and for the life of me, i just can't figure out why. maybe it's just human nature, i don't know. but it really ruined my day when i just wanted to be happy for her. i really thought i would be when this day came. it surprises me that i care so much, although i played it off that i was happy for her. but it makes me question if i was truly over her to begin with. and it also makes me feel guilty, because the girl i'm seeing now doesn't deserve me being in a relationship with her, yet still having hurt feelings over an ex. my question is what to do now? i want to be fair to everyone, including myself. is this just natural human nature that i'll get over shortly? is it just an automatic response? whatever it is, it really threw me off big time. please help! i'm very confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): Number one, it IS possible to be too different to date but not too different to be friends. Being friends with an ex isn't always a bad thing but there has to be some limits. As for your response, i think it's residual feelings. I've been through the same thing and I understand how you feel. But again, i think it's just residual feelings that crept up because now she is seeing someone and even though you don't want her back, there is still that attachment you may have too her. I think it'll just take some time to get used to it but remember that you are with someone and so is she and it's what you both wanted. Remember not to cross the friendship line or let your emotions control you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 I'm confused....
you are too different to date but not too different to be friends?
this is why being friends with an ex never works... NEVER. I know folks say you can but I've NEVER seen it...
I think you need to stop initiating contact with your ex.
when she contacts you, be cool be factual.... do not ask questions... only briefly answer hers...
gradually you two will fade away and just be a pleasant memory nothing more... as it should be in my opinion
...............................
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