A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just found out through a source of my own(not him) that my now husband was in love was somebody else while he was with me. It happened years ago before we were married but I now feel that our marriage is based on lies. I don't know that i can trust him. Plesae help !! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): You said was "in love with someone else"?
Do you mean he was actually cheating on you by seeing someone else while he was seeing you? Or do you mean he still had very strong feelings about an ex that he was no longer seeing, and didn't tell you about his feelings?
If he was literally cheating then you have every right to feel betrayed and furious. Cheating is cheating, past or present.
If he was just mentally attached but not seeing her then I think it's a bit different. Then I think this falls under the term retroactive jealousy. It's more like when a man finds out about his wife's secret sexual history before they got together and feels very betrayed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Don't let the past interfere with the great relationship you otherwise have. Marriage is full of tests, including the past, so don't live in the past, let go.. It must have bothered him just as much that he had feelings for someone else at the same time, and he didn't want to hurt you or let it interfere with what he knows is the love of his life, you.. otherwise he would have said something to you. So if he never let it interfere with his future with you, then try hard not to let it interfere with your future with him. As long as he isn't continuing this type of behavior today, there's nothing to worry about, so just enjoy loving each other, and feel happy that he chose you in the end, over anyone else.
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