A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 41 years old, single, with four children under the age of 14.I have been seeing a wonderful man for the past twelve months. He is caring gets on great with my kids as I do his. We have a great time together and are a great team. The one problem I have is when we around a particular woman in his group she makes me feel very insecure and jealous which leads to me going overboard and blaming him. It is wrecking our relationship and I don't think he will put up with it much longer. I dont want to lose him. Please send me some advice to overcome my fears. Thanks
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 DALE CARNEGIE’S SIX RULES FOR WINNING
1. Be genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile. A man without a smiling face must not open shop.
3. Remember that a man’s name is to him the
sweetest and most important sound in the language.
4.Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk about themselves.
Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.
5. Talk in terms of the other man’s interest.
6. Make the other person feel important–and do it with sincerity.
Do good always, be kind , be honest and frank and always forgive others.
You see, in the final analysis.
It is between you and God;
It is never between you and them anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Is there any particular reason why this should be the case? When you say “in his group” what do you mean? Does she flirt with him? Do you get a feeling that she can’t be trusted or has an attraction for him? If he had wanted to be with her he would not have chosen to be with you. Don’t forget that and taking it out on him is not really fair.
Having said that, I had one friend who I gave up a few months ago because she was a huge sexual flirt. It was annoying and embarrassing. Plus I started to find out that she didn’t mind flirting with other friends’ husbands to get them doing odd jobs for her around the house. She put naked pictures of herself up in her house. She always spoke with her tongue out on her upper lip. She was forever stroking my partner’s arm and she used to ask him things like how often he thought about sex. God knows how she paid the blokes for the DIY. Anyway I chucked her to the kerb.
You don’t have a choice about his friends I guess and you don’t have to like them. But you don’t need to spend any time with her. If you are close enough to your man you could say that she makes you feel threatened and you find her predatory and it makes you feel uneasy. If that is what it is. If you think you are being jealous unreasonably you could get some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It really works and has helped me so much with various issues surrounding previous betrayal affecting my life.
Think about why you are jealous. Does it add up to a real concern or an imagined one? If you don’t dislike other women in his group why this one? You may have an instinct about her. Trust your man to tell him what it really is about her that upsets you and for his support. If he is open about how he feels about you in front of others for example? Or perhaps she is not as important to him as you think and you could both withdraw if he knew how she makes you feel. Bottom line is you don’t have to like everyone you meet and on odd occasions in life a person can make your skin crawl. No apparent reason, just the way it is. Maybe that is all you need to say to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I think you need to be very careful in how you react to this girl, and responding as if it is your boyfriend's fault will show to him that your a loose cannon, and that he will be stung by you in the future. These inappropriate attacks against him will have a lasting affect on him if he isn't cautious.
So you need to work on yourself. Understanding why this woman makes you feel a certain way will help you understand your own weakness, and allow you to take corrective action. It is all in the head, we make ourselves believe things that aren't there, so recognize this. Going deeper into yourself for why you do things is important in removing behavior you don't want, it can be painful, but you'll be a better person for it. Instead of letting your feelings control you, think why it is inappropriate to have those feelings.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 May 2008):
Well you know you are over reacting so you have to work hard at controlling that. You are the only one who can do it, but you need to stop, take and breath and ask yourself if you need to shout at him whenever you feel the urge.
Talk to him about how you are working on it and in exchange then tell him what he can do to help you.
Is there something he does, or she does that really gets to you? If so get him to talk to her and stop it.
Keep communicating and if you both put in a bit of effort then you should e able to get through this.
Good Luck!! xx
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