A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear aunts and uncles, i'm feeling insecure lately and my boyfriend just making it worst so about a month ago i found on his phone a picture of a naked girl it was from a magazine i was mad but we worked it out but i'm quite not over it when i think about it i feel like shit and when i tell my bf he goes stop bringing it up and gets mad ever since i found the picture i wonder about are relationship were we heading to and what is he doing ? does he love me? i feel this way cause he only shows me attention and affection when we hang out but once he goes home or i go home (we are long distance relationship) he doesn't want 2 talk or text we only see each other once a wk. its hard but to me it seems it dont bug him like i know he can text me but he doesnt so i text him and he'll text quick why couldnt he just text me? is he maybe annoyed? i asked him if he loves me he says yes he wrote me a letter saying how much he loves me alot is it just me overreacting? please help im so confused.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 You have a serious problem in this relationship, and that is miscommunication. He doesn't understand you, and you don't understand him. He gets upset when you bring up these things, and you get upset when he doesn't take initiative to talk about them. I am not guaranteeing that my approach will work, but it is a suggestion on how to deal with this.
I am not sure if these things can be worked out, but first you need to decide if you trust him or not. If you do not trust him the relationship is basically over. If you decide you want to trust him you need to trust that he does love you and care for you.
Now that you have decided upon this, take some time to yourself to get a bit more independent. You rely on his texts for your happiness. The best approach is to stop thinking he doesn't care when he doesn't do this or that. Stop analyzing, and start enjoying your life. Grow a bit more independent, and by that I mean that you should not let whatever he chooses not do to affect how you feel! If you trust that he loves you, go with that instead. Don't look for signs that he doesn't love you.
Next step is that you heal from the hurt he caused you by having that nude picture on his phone. Tell him one final time: "I am not over it, and I am still hurt from what you did. Therefor I need time to heal. You can choose whether you want to help me through that process or not." If he does not want to help you, take some time off to yourself, not meeting him or contacting him, until you are feeling better about the entire thing and ready to let it go. If he does want to help you, then you need to be able to talk to him about it. And he needs to be ready to listen and support you.
Last: talk to him about there being a problem of miscommunication in the relationship. Due to the long distance, these issues need to be sorted out. Ask him why he doesn't text you more often. If it is not a problem for him, maybe he can send you a daily text or good-night wish? But, by the sounds of it he just isn't the type of person who enjoys sending texts or take the initiative to do so. Ask him what he thinks when you send texts. Does it make him happy? Does he want you to continue? Understand his reasons and the way he thinks about these things, and I believe you will not be so hurt in the future, because now you will know exactly what he is thinking. Then you need to accept that he just wont send you as many texts as you hope for.
But, could be the distance is just too much. Not everyone is cut out for it, or are able to maintain the relationship. And someone, like you, just needs a little more than a once a week thingy. You both need to be willing and able to compromise and meet in the middle. You can not have everything the way you want them to, and neither can he. Compromise. And then try to not read anything into things, but TRUST what he tells you.
Trust and communication, two such important things in a relationship.
A
female
reader, shawna42 +, writes (23 September 2010):
I feel your bf is realy playing games with your emotions he is likeing makeing you feel this way he feels in control
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