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I'm fed up with how my partner's treating me, and I'm scared for my daughter. Any advice?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2008)
A female Jamaica age 36-40, *rokenbaby writes:

Hi everyone, I have been having sex with a man since i was 15 (same year i went to college). He is the only man i have been with though he has a lot of girlfirends and have sex with many people. Anyway, I am 23 years old now working as a nurse.I live with him and We have a 1 1/2 year old baby girl. The problem is that i am fed ou of the way he's treating me, he dosen't have a job and so he sells me to many of his friends for money each day. He even expects me after having sex with these guys to have sex with him. While I am making ends meat, he don't care for our baby, he often leaves her with his mother, who uses drugs and dosen't take good care of her.He prefers to go drinking nd smoking with his friends rather than caring for his baby. My family has disowned my daughter and I and I am really afraid for her, I don't even get to play with my baby anymore. I love the guy very much but he has problems and I am afraid to leave since he does not have a job, I also want to get my masters degree in a few years. I love this guy very much but he is selfish. What sould i do?

Oh yea, he is 29 years old and got pregnant when i was 17 but my mom made me have an abortion so that i could finish studying. that's why she disowns my baby and i. Sorry this is so long.

View related questions: abortion, drugs, money

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A female reader, brokenbaby Jamaica +, writes (25 March 2008):

brokenbaby is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi, everyone thanks for all the advice. i came on the site a few weeks ago but i forgot to leave an update. Mc'Kenna and i am finally OUT!!! But all is not great, we are staying at my friends house because i dont have anyone to watch my daughter while i work in the night time. I am still taking it slowly since I still love him and he always knows how to get his own way around me. Anyways thanks again.

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A female reader, Mzclarke United States +, writes (22 February 2008):

Mzclarke agony aunthey howz everythinh? Did you leave yet?

if ever need talk let me know ill give you my number...

when u kno ur ready is when ur ready 2 better urself n child....remeber that....god bless you

luv ya

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008):

I can't believe that you are still with him, after him saying "no man would want a ugly woman with a baby and that i am lucky i have him" I think its the other way round - he's lucky you have put up wiht him for so long and I really hope this is the end of it for you!!!

Please please please take on board the advice everyone else has given you below and leave this physco!!! If not for your own sake but at least for your childs sake!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

Hi Hunny,

No man would want an ugly woman with a baby!!! Well he gets enough money for you so thats an oxy moron.. This man is seriously sick love, Ive had abuse and sweetheart you need to plan to move far away with your little one A.S.A.P

I had to plan quickly and quietly a bag for my son and plane tickets and just enough money for food for my child all hidden untill I could leave safely not even telling my family. My circumstanses were no were near as bad as yours I wasnt being sold hunny. Please get some help and get away, TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (6 February 2008):

shandygirl agony auntOh my God!

"He said that it was only until he got a job. He said that no man would want a ugly woman with a baby and that I am lucky I have him."?????

He has you brain washed! Honey, I won't write anymore after this. Please check out the link that I provided for you earlier. Because what he said, is the same thing that they describe on the article that I wanted you to see.

Oh well...Good luck, be Safe. xxx

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A female reader, brokenbaby Jamaica +, writes (6 February 2008):

brokenbaby is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks so much for the advice. I spoke to him today and he said that it was only until he got a job. He said that no man would want a ugly woman with a baby and that i am lucky i have him. I didn't tell him that I am thinking of moving out with Mc'Kenna but explained to him that I didn't like how I am being treated.

P.S when i said that he's the only man i've ever been with i mean that he's the only boyfriend that i have ever had. I kept saving myself for him sine i was a young girl.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

This guy is nothing more than a pimp and if he loved you there's no way in hell he would make you have sex with his friends for money!!! He'd do what any normal guy would do and get up off his arse and get a job!!!

You are working, earning good money as a nurse there for not depending on him so what are you doing still with him??? You can always do your Masters degree elsewhere. If you had no money it would be much harder to leave him. And worse still - what would you do if you got pregnant again - how would you know who the father is??

If it was me, my daughter would come first before anyone or anything! Get out of there - give him the money to go off drinking with his friends if needs be while you pack and get outta here but just go and fast!! If thats not possible slowly start taking your things out of the house and storing them elsewhere til you are ready to make the final leap to freedom! Do it now - the longer you leave it the harder it will be to leave!!!

Best of luck with it all x

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (6 February 2008):

shandygirl agony auntHere is an educational article for you to look at... It is about the psychological games and other info about pimps...

http://www.ontheissuesmagazine.com/pimping.htm

You may have to 'copy and paste'

Take care! :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

If you cannot bring yourself to leave him based on what he has been doing to you, then you MUST leave him for your daughters sake.

Her safety is in your hand, you should give her the best start you can and that's not going to be found with this guy. The thought of being alone might be hard but I promise the short term difficulty will be completely worth the wait.

You can be a single mother and get your masters, do not subject your little girl to a life with a father like that.

You might love him but he does NOT love you. Love is not selling your girlfriend to your friends no matter how he tries to justify it.

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (6 February 2008):

shandygirl agony auntHoney, You have a career as a Nurse, GREAT! That means that you don't have to depend on anyone for financial support. And, also, that you are not STUCK someplace that you don't want to be.

The man you are with, is doing absolutely NOTHING for you, he is a leech. He is living off of you, and endangering your child as well.

It is your responsibility to your child, to do what is best for her, and protect her. And, even though you love him, you should think of your child first. You need to take her with you, out of that environment, to a safe place.

What I am saying honey, get away from him before it is too late.

He is selling you to his friends? In my country, the USA, that is known as a 'pimp.' The way that you describe him, fits perfectly to that title. He doesn't work, so that is how he makes his money. Right?

So, you want to get your Master's Degree? Wonderful! Go for it! You sound as though you are a really intellegent girl. Sometimes, in certain relationships, intellegent people need to act on what their mind tells them to do, NOT their HEART. Because sometimes, the heart can blind you, and keep you from what NEEDS to be done.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

I'm somewhat confused.....you say he's the only man you've ever been with, but a few lines down, you say he is making you sell your body to his friends?!? He sounds like a pimp to me! This is what you should do....to hell with him that he is not working....leave anyway! Grab your child, the only one you should be concerned about at this point is the safety and welfare and well being of your child. Leave this horrible situation that you are in now and start all over. A poster above has offered you her name and asked you to contact her for advice...DO SO!

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A female reader, green-leopards? United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2008):

green-leopards? agony auntYou seriously need to get away from him - Take your baby somewhere safe and start again. He definetly has problems and doesn't sound too nice, for your sake and your baby's stay away from him otherwise someone could end up getting hurt!

(hope it helps!)

take care and make wise descisions!

xx

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A female reader, Mzclarke United States +, writes (6 February 2008):

Mzclarke agony auntHey my name is tracy and Im going to give you my opinion/....if My man was selling my body not only to his friends but in general is horrible you are so much better than that and that completely says that he not good for you... You should be having you main attention on your little girl she dosent deserve that enivroment and if your boyfriend cared he would man up and find a way to bring that money by any means..Not selling his girlfriend to his friend that mean he has no respect for trust me..I had my baby boy at 17 with my boyfriend and the one thing I said to him was he will be our first priority and have abetter life then we did....Please Girl think..write back to me tell me what's going and if u need anymore advice...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

Hi Hunny,

You need to get you and your child to a safe place, Not easy I no, I dont no the laws where you live but I have found a link that may be of help to you, I no you said you love your b/f but hunny he is selling you, not taking any care of you and his child. He is controlling you in the most terrible way, Please try and get help, If your family new what was happening would they not help as you said your mother wanted you to carry on with your studys hunny anything is worth a try here Ill send you the link I found please take care of you and message me anytime...

http://www.undp.org/rblac/gender/jamaica.htm

I hope this is of some help love TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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