A
female
age
41-50,
*lovely
writes:I am currently so heart broken I dont know where to start my story.2 years ago Im seperated from my husband and about 6 months after I met a guy through an adult online dating site thinking i want to just look for some exclusive fun (I dont do having sex with many different guys and such) with no strings attached. We hooked up, got along well. I was only seeing him meanwhile he's seeing me and one other girl. I was cool in the beginning but after a while, I got jealous and annoyed but never show it. But then 3 months later, he told me he only wanted to see me and call it quit with the other girl. We see each other once a week and then it's getting more often like 3 days a week. Because I was still living in the same house with my ex (im upstairs, he's downstairs kinda arrangement cuz we have son together and dont want to shock our little boy with split houses straight away), I found goin to this guy's place is a true escape from having my ex in my face/space. So we have fun but of course through those constant time we spend with each other, i start havin deeper feelings for him (or I might have feelings for him since early on since I got annoyed with that other girl's existance) but I know he's not ready for a relationship of such. So i played along, thinking it's ok to keep my feelings for myself as long as I can spend time with him. But after a while, I can no longer keep it and told him how i feel. He said no, he's only in it for some companionship (with no string attached) and I agreed to stick to that arrangement. Here I call him my companionship (CS) guy. Not long after that, I met an art guy, who's handsome and show an big interest in me. I then started to hang out with him and soon enough we progress into something and he starts introducing me to his friends as his date. Took me out when he's catching up with his friends. I was still seeing my CS guy tho. Some friends took photos and put it on facebook, tagged me and my CS guy saw it and got jealous but try to play it down by only teasing me but i know he was jealous but doesnt wanna admit it. At the end, after couple of months i found out that the handsome art guy was a complete ass so I ditched him n continue seeing my companionship (CS) guy exclusively. I didnt feel bad seeing that art guy cuz afterall my CS guy cant make up his mind as what is it we're having and he was seeing another girl beside me before too. Anyway, the CS guy and I've been seein each other for nearly 1.5 year with no clear "status". He confused me many times, whenever confronted by me whether or not we're having a relationship, he's anwer was no, but then he made a plan for a future that includes me in it (eg. looking for a house that accomodates my needs, plan to be more involved with my daily life with my little boy and many more "together" future plans) and his actions is more like a boyfriend to me. Through out the entire time since he called off with that girl which is about a year ago, he's been only seeing me and no one else. He got jealous whenever i text or receiving text. He'd commenting on photos that he saw on my facebook of me and guy friends etc etc... and last Thursday nite he said he wanted to stop. He just moved out of the city to be with his mum about 1.5hr drive from the city (where I am). He invited me up to hang out with him and the family last weekend. They apparently really like me and think im lovely and all think im his girlfriend. He then feel pressured and not sure he wants to continue seeing me anymore but then saying wanting to have a break or have less physical contact with me (?). Even to call it off, he still sounds pretty confuse. I was in shock cause I've been constantly being with him (almost every weekend for this past year we always spend time together) and to make matters worse I called him constantly wanting an answer as in why he's doing this to me etc and I scared him off a little. After i calmed down, I spoke to him and agreed not wanting to see him at all cause I think that's for the best. I cant even be (just) friends with him cause still finding it hard to have him around without "having" him. But then I found it hard to get by without him. My ex took my son for 2 weeks holiday right now and I feel even more lost and lonely not having my son around. I tried hard not to call my CS guy since yesterday (Saturday) but still hoping he'll realised what he's been missing. Now what I wanna know is, how long do you think this heartache will last? And can I be friends with him again in the future? And how long do you think I'll get over him and what should i do in order to not think of him or calling him.. Through out our companionship, I've been nothing but good for him. I've supported him along the way, do anything for him and always try to be a great companion for him and he always said that he loves my company. Do you think i was probably seeing him too much and doing too much FOR him? Do you think he'll appreciate me more when we're apart or should I just try (really hard) to move on with no expectation whether or not he wants me back? I remember he said on Friday that he wants us to have a break and maybe he can see how he feels then when not seeing me for a while cuz we've been constantly seeing each other and being in each other's pocket (mind you, he asked me around as much as I want to be around too). Please help... Any advice or thoughts will help... Thanks... xoxo
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a break, facebook, jealous, move on, moved out, my ex, teasing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, justadvise  +, writes (8 March 2009):
wow...nice book you just wrote. Anyway sounds like you did too much for you part in the relationship. Right now you just need to leave him be and is he missed you he will call. Just carry on with your life and forget about him. I know you know this saying but everyone need to be reminded (even me sometimes). Time will heal all wounds. Right now you're putting your thought and energy to this matter too much (i can see that with your writing.) You need to get out there and start doing things, keep busy, take your minds off this thing. When you're busy you won't be thinking about this situation every second and time will take care of the rest
A
female
reader, triedit  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 As much as I hate to say it, I think you're done with CS guy. He's bad news. He can't deal with feelings and he can't make a commitment. Do you really want a guy like that?
Sure it's going to hurt for a bit. But to be honest, you haven't been alone since you and your ex split. He even still lives in the same house! Your son is not going to be forever scarred if you move. In fact, he's seeing your screwed up relationship as what is normal and will probably treat his own relationships like that--sleeping apart, not actively showing affection, etc.
You need a clean break from EVERYONE male until you know what it is you really want, not what you will settle for. Don't accept anything or anyone less. You deserve to get what you want out of life. Don't waste it on CS guy. Find a real man who is capable of really loving you. And in the meantime take a look at yourself and try to be the person you want to be, without some guy to prop you up emotionally.
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