A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think I am falling in love with my friends w/benefits. I picked him as my FWB because I didn't see any future with him because he has 3 kids and 2 exwife at 28years old. We are compatible in every way and have the best of time when we are together. He is single too, and recently told me that he thinks about me every day and feel that we are meant to be w/each other because he thinks I am perfect for him. The truth is I am scared to death! I don't want a serious relationship because of my divorce. (I have one child)We really are night and day and from two different worlds and background. I really don't know how he fits into my life/my friends ect. All I know is that our feelings are growing stronger for each other everyday..but I want to be careful who i bring into my daughters life. I don't want to make a mistake and choose the wrong guy if I do decide to pursue this. I should walk away...to protect myself, but I don't know how. I know he would do anything for me and make me very happy, but if you look at "status" ..security,...it's all iffy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe did take it slow.
he was the one that was always talking about the future. kids..marraige. Telling me he's falling for me.
ectect. So basically i fell for his charm and sweet ways.
To make the long story short. it's over ... he proved to be a liar, cheater. I feel for him. Good people come into his life and he acts stupid and always ruin it.
I know it's for the best to say goodbye. it still sucks though.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Unfortunately, there's no way any of us can know for sure. Life is a gamble and every relationship is a risk. You don't say how long the two of you have known each other. If this is a fairly new relationship, wait for the newness to wear off and see if you still feel the same. If not, maybe move from FWB to casual dating and see how it progresses. Since you had initial reservations about him, take it slow and let him prove that he is the one. Only time will answer your questions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason why he has two ex wives is because he did 3 tours in Iraq and was never around.And his wife found someone else. They still have a good relationship with each other. He discussed how guilty he felt about the whole situation.
One thing i do admire about him is he became a father as a teenager and took responsibitly in supporting his child.
He said he will be medically discharge soon and want nothing more than to be with me. He said he will wait for as long as it takes and will prove to me that he is the right one for me.
The truth is I've never met anyone that made me laugh, comfortable, and is so fun to be around like I am with him. I can be myself. However, I know all new relationships are great in the beginning. The thing I like about him is his loyalty. I know this guy will be with you through thick and thin and would do anything for the people that he love. I've weight the pro's and con's and so far the pro's won. But Again...the thought of being a mom to his kids, dealing w/his ex, being there for him. (he was injured) and deals with a lot of pain physically.
What if this guy is the guy that could make me happy and I just walked away. How do you know?
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (11 December 2008):
 When playing with close to the edge, you are bound to fall eventually. Which is why Friends with benefits can be dificult, because one side falls for the other which just creates more awkwardness.. or both decide to go for it and well find out it doesn't work.. I think you should go with what you thought in the first place, that he wasn't a good pick for you to begin with because of his past.. 2 ex-wives before the age of 30? I'm 30 and have yet to have one... but well.. you are better walking away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Your situation highlights why FWB situations can be so tricky. Although we kid ourselves into thinking we can, we often can't keep sex and our emotions separate. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and understand that love isn't everything. There is a practical side to every relationship and that is what appears to be lacking in this relationship. For me, there are several red flags in this post. He's already failed at 2 marriages in a relatively short period of time. There may be reasons for that even you don't understand at this point. You seem to admit that he doesn't fit into your world socially. That may or may not be a big deal to you now but it will be a strain on your relationship if you bring him into your life full-time and he fails to adapt.Finally, you say security is "iffy". By that, I assume you mean financial security. Again, another important component to a relationship, especially when children are involved. Stability is a must. How many relationships fall apart over money? I'm all for finding true love and being swept off my feet. However, at the end of the day, the practical things in life have to be there or it just won't work. I don't want to presume to tell you how to run your life but if a close friend presented this same scenario to me, I'd advise her to seriously think about passing on this one.
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