A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may come across sounding very strange, I met this guy through a friend, we only started talking via text last year as a friend gave our numbers to each other, this year we have met three times only for sex, but we seem to get on well, we spend ages talking having a laugh etc,and when we did meet he said i was prettier in person then on picture My problem is i feel myself falling for him that little bit more each time, last time we met we full on kissed, and him playing with my hair to me thats a big yes We dont talk over text all the time but we do talk every week I didnt really know how to approach him with telling him i like him as im scared of him not feeling the same way about me :(So in the end i just ended up saying your alright you are, i regretted saying it as soon as i said it, but then his reply was yea your alright actually I know what i ment by saying he was alright as in hoping he knew what i kinda mentBut is it a guy thing for saying yea your alright actually and maybe mean yes i do like you a little, Or just a no i dont like you but your just alright I really dont want to look a fool if he doesnt like me
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female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (8 May 2020):
If you dont ask you dont get. Tell him you like him as more than fwb. Then ask him out! On an actual date that doesnt involve sex. At the moment with lockdown, facetiming is helpful. If he wants more then start talking more and often. When lockdown is lifted maybe you could then go on a proper date.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2020): Use your words! Try something like this:
"We've been getting on pretty well, and I'm really beginning to like you. Let's hold-off on sex for awhile, and maybe date to see if there's any chemistry. Get to know each other better. Lets not rush into anything! I don't want you to think I'm shallow, and sex is all that I'm about. If you'll get to know me, I don't think you'll be disappointed. To be honest, you seem to be a cool guy; I want to see if I'm right about you."
Waiting for a guy you've gotten to know through sex isn't really likely to be much more than that. If you want to know whether YOU are growing on HIM in a more emotional and romantic-way; sometimes you need to put the lid on the honey pot, and let him know more about you as a person. Not just what's between your legs. You may never be more than friends, but you should save your benefits for the right-guy. Letting somebody just use you, and give his heart to somebody else seems disingenuous to me! Maybe even stupid! Totally illogical! He'll value the mind and body of another female versus yours! You get a wink and a handshake; while some other woman gets a ring and her dream wedding! Who actually gets more of the benefits, I'd like to know? Is it really 50/50?
Worrying if he might not feel the same-way is selling yourself cheap. You don't base your value and self-worth on his validation; and whether he "wants" or approves of you. Your body is a temple; and you set the standard and criteria of who gets to enter it. "My body isn't your playground, I've got a mind and feelings too!" Lowering your standards from human to that of a beast might be acceptable these days. Class and power is thinking higher of yourself than what you allow a man to do with your lady-parts! When a man desires you for you; that increases your self-esteem! It means, you're on your way to finding true-love!
If it turns-out that he just wants the sex; the mere fact you wrote DC means you've out-grown being playmates, and you want something more. You don't want to look back someday and realize he got all that precious honey, and you could have gotten more out of the deal! Yeah, he gave you his penis; but you like "him" as a person too. You deserve that back! A whole lot of it!
If the only use a guy has for you is sex; he has very little respect for you as a person. You'll start to think less of yourself as well. FWB is okay short-term, for a little casual fun between adults. The downside is, you'll allow it to become your lifestyle. You become desensitized, thereby losing your ability to be intimate in an affectionate way. It's tantamount to settling; because you don't believe you are worthy or capable of demanding more! Nature made it a two-way thing, not just what the guy wants out of it!
Sex can become meaningless, and nothing more than humping-around; with no emotional-attachment to humanize it, or give it value. Like two dumb-animals instinctively pounding and grinding, taking all the beauty out of what is really meant to be a physical-expression of love. Making it no more exciting and as simplistic as scratching an itch. Just getting-off!
That's exactly why relationships don't last, men don't commit, and women can't find a partner who will be faithful. That's the price humanity pays for demeaning sex down to nothing more than a form of recreation. A highly-treasured "benefit" better given with love; offered to someone unwilling to return more than an opportunity to get-off! Something you could do all by yourself; minus all the health-risks, or an unwanted-pregnancy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2020): You already know how he feels.
As an FWB you'll never be anything more than a fuck buddy to him.
It's the old double standard to be sure, but most guys would never consider pursuing a serious relationship with a girl who gives it up so easily.
He's already getting exactly what he wants from you without effort, expense or commitment.
As my Irish grandmother would say, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
Sorry for the deliberately harsh language, but from a male perspective that is the reality of FWB.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 March 2020):
 Again, I have to agree with N91
Rip that bandage off. Tell him you want to get to know him better or whatever it is you REALLY want. The whole hinting and hoping he will "catch on" is not realistic and it's wasting your time.
BE honest.
Even if he turns you down, you GET an answer you can move forward with.
You won't look like a fool if you ask and he turn you down. You WILL look like a fool if you keep having sex with a guy who doesn't give 2 shits about and just use you for sex.
There is a reason FWB is "supposed" to be a very short term thing", usually because someone catches feelings.
Why even GO for a FWB if you so OBVIOUSLY want more? Why settle for sex here and there if you WANT more?
You are a GROWN ASS woman, SAY what you mean and MEAN what you say!
If he doesn't feel the same, wish him well, and cut him lose, block all contact and move on. And then next time, don't settle for a FWB.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 March 2020):
 We see many posts like these in DC and it’s always the same response.
FWB are doomed to fail from the start 9/10 for this very reason that someone will always develop feelings. I experienced one myself years ago so know how it feels to be in this situation.
You knew what you were getting into when you started sleeping together, if he actually WANTED to be with you exclusively, he would be. Let me tell you that for fact. A guy who doesn’t want anyone else sleeping with his romantic interest, he will make it VERY clear. If you’re getting a nonchalant vibe and you have to guess where this situation is going then that in itself is enough info.
I wouldn’t say anything you have described indicates that he likes you. You’re sleeping together, playing with hair doesn’t make any more special. Sharing your naked body with another person is as intimate it is going to get. Sometimes people get caught up in the moment of sex and do/say things they don’t really mean!
The best bet here is to be upfront and lay your cards on the table. That way he’s under no illusions and then you have a definitive answer without the guess work! If it’s a yes then great, if not you can move on with your life to find someone who’s on the same wavelength.
You with look MUCH MUCH MORE a fool by continuing to sleep with someone that you actually like when he’s just using you for sex. Get your answer and then proceed accordingly.
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