A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for a few years and now I'm thinking about someone elseI have been in a relationship for a few years and I'm at university. I don't see my boyfriend that much but we talk everyday. Recently I have been thinking about a boy in my course. He's a friend of a friend and we get along with each other. He always says hi to me first. Not that long ago, we spent time alone together (we didn't do anything inappropriate) and he told me that I was good-looking and I think he is as well. But he knows I have a boyfriend. Do I have a soft spot for him or is there something brewing? What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2020): You ask us if you have a soft spot for this new guy, or if something is brewing. Seriously? Think what you are asking us! How on earth can we know if you are a faithful girlfriend or a cheater? How can we know how often you want sex or how horny you are now, since being away from your own boyfriend? You ask what you should do. Do what N91 said. That is do the honorable thing! I believe the fact that you are even asking these questions, most likely means that the relationship with your bf has run its course. If you agree, then talk it over with your bf to either break up with him, or mutually agree to open your relationship, knowing if you can date people, then your bf can date people also! I am a fan of monogamy, but it is at least honorable to inform your bf fully, and to grant him the same privledges that you expect to be permitted! If you want monogamy with your bf, then cut out alone time with the new guy! Honor is being able to make the hard choice, and then to live by your choice! Semper Fidelis!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2020): It depends on how faithful you are to your boyfriend, if you truly love him; and how much you value his trust. If you're the jealous-type, you're being a humongous hypocrite! It's human to notice other attractive people, but you don't have to be with them!
This is always what happens when high school sweethearts attend different colleges. They pretend to want a long-distance relationship. That is, until somebody cuter comes along!
Being faithful requires self-control; no matter what your impulses and urges are compelling you to do. Most relationships breakup because of cheating. Most people don't really try that hard to be faithful; they rationalize and make lame excuses. They always say, "but I love my boyfriend, or girlfriend!" Knowing how jealous they would be if the shoe was on the other foot!
Actions speak louder than words!
Do you love him enough to keep your panties up around other guys? Do you expect him to keep his zipper up with other girls? If it's getting too hard to do that; then it is time to end your LDR!!! You want to date other people, and you're tired of being faithful to one guy.
You are spending one-on-one time with a guy you are attracted to. You'll end-up yearning to spend even more time with the other guy. You don't get to dangle one guy on a string; while you toy and flirt with another! That is psychologically cheating on your boyfriend. It's tempting fate, when you find reasons to be alone with him. It's not coincidence!
You will end-up messing around with the other guy; because it has already crossed your mind. If you can't get him off your mind, it's because your hormones are in overdrive. The only reason you are alone with him, is to give him opportunity to make a move; and you want to be in the front-row when it happens! What usually happens is this. You'll find some excuse to go out drinking; so you can blame it on the alcohol. Then comes the guilt, and the next post asks should you tell your boyfriend? Oh, we've seen this kind of post dozens of times! Same old story! Trying to keep the long-distance boyfriend, or girlfriend; while also checking-out the local-hotties! The kid in a candy store situation!
The outcome is easily predictable. You'll probably cheat. Then breakup with your boyfriend; but the guy you cheated with isn't looking for a girlfriend. Then you'll want your ex back!
Now what if you found out your boyfriend was spending time alone with a really pretty-lady? Would you feel comfortable with that? She can't get him out of her mind! He's so cute! You know how we guys just can't control ourselves? You say "sex," and we just loose-it!
If you're feeling the long-distance romance with your boyfriend is strained and/or not enough. Then you will have to end that relationship; before you get into the bad-habit of cheating with guys you meet locally. Meanwhile, pretending as if you're being faithful when you're not!
Remember, you have to look into your boyfriend's trusting-eyes when you're together again! You will be such a fake! You will hold and kiss him; while thinking of another guy! That is so not cool!
Let me give you some wise advice, good for a lifetime. If you cheat with that guy, while still with your boyfriend, he will have less respect for you. His present opinion of you will change. That's how many guys are. They will charm your clothes off, fool-around; and then judge you. He will mentally slut-shame you; because he figures girls are the ones who claim they can control themselves easier than guys! It's supposed to be that guys are dogs!
If you decide to breakup with your boyfriend on account of him; "cheater-boy" will never trust you enough to date you. He might for a little while; if he knows there's sex to be had. All the while thinking in the back of his mind, he couldn't trust you. You cheated on your last boyfriend! Take a few cold showers, and avoid him! If you really love your boyfriend!
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A
male
reader, Whatnobigsandwich  +, writes (15 March 2020):
To the point of the other two posters it does partially sound like a distance issue. To their point this is very common in the first or second year of college as we are maturing and have different needs than we had even a few weeks ago. However, I will also say that there is most likely something missing in your relationship with your current boyfriend. As if you do make a move with this new person you have to remember your infidelity is a result of your actions it is not a reason for your actions. Therefore, you need to be truthful with yourself, with your bf and do what is right for you. I was on the other side of this when I was in college it broke my heart pretty bad but not because of her infidelity but for her lack of truthfulness. My suggestion would be to be truthful, end it with your bf and take some time before your next move. When I did see my gf nearly four years after the incident for the first time mind you she was talking very negatively about the guy she replaced me with because she jumped from one to another rather than taking the time she needed for herself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 March 2020):
 I agree with N91,
DO you want to be with your BF? If you do then limit the solo hang outs with this other person.
I think it's common (especially given your age as well) that when one go off to university and the other either stay behind or go to another university/schooling and BOTH don't get to spend much me together IN person that people start to REALLY notice other attractive people around them.
You are dating someone, you didn't go blind. So yes you will notice other guys, it's what you DO with that, that shows what kind of morals, values and boundaries you have for yourself.
This new guy KNOWS you have a BF, he gave you a compliment and obviously likes talking to you. That doesn't mean you should automatically pursue ANYTHING here. JUST because you are not getting much BF time doesn't mean you should FILL that with another male.
If you WANT to make your relationship with your BF work, then you and your BF need to figure out how to spend more time together, if possible, if you can't there is Facetime, Skype.
As for whether something is "brewing" you know if there is. We have "soft spots" for kitten, not attractive men/guys. And even if something IS brewing, it's not an excuse for you to cheat. Neither is not seeing your BF much.
DECIDE what you want. Date your BF or break up and be single a while. Is the relationship of a "few years" something you want to continue building on or are you tapping out?
My advice though, don't jump from guy to guy.. So if you end it with your BF, don't jump straight into something romantic with the/a new guy. TAKE the time to process a break up.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 March 2020):
 Well do you want to be with your BF?
Sounds like the distance is an issue. How long will you be apart for? How often do you see each other? Are there any plans to move closer together? If so, when? These are the questions that you need to ask yourself in LDR and if there’s no real set plan of you guys moving closer together at some point then what are you actually doing? Why not just be with someone closer that you have have an actual physical relationship with?
If you do want to be with your BF then you need to discuss your plans for the future that would see this become a real relationship instead of a LDR. If you don’t think it’s going to last then do the honourable thing of breaking up with your partner before even entertaining the thought of getting with anyone else, that’s the least he deserves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2020): This sounds like you have been dating your high school sweetheart and you don’t want to break his heart. As we mature our feelings change and the type of people we want to see changes as well. I had high school sweetheart myself who I dated for years and I thought we were deeply in love the problem is she was being noticed in her university while I was at another university and although we talked often she was accepting others talking and flirting with her and then one day she accepted an offer. Was I heartbroken? Yes. However this was going to happen whether I liked it or not and thank god it happened before we were married or had children. I would just say be honest with yourself and be honest with your boyfriend as infidelity is not a reason for a breakup it is a result and you have to realize this new person you are interested in is giving you something you need that the current boyfriend is not and most likely never has.
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