A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a mess.First of all, I met this guy a week ago. I was out drinking, so theres my first mistake. My second mistake, I went home with him. I ended up spending some time with him and it turns I really like this guy. I spent the rest of the day and the night and some of the next day with him until I had to go to class. So question 1: While we were hanging out, just watching tv, I gave him a back rub because he asked me to. We started talking about ourselves, just getting to know each other. So while I was giving him a back rub, he was like "oh that feels so good. i would marry you. You could live here, i'd make you dinner every night, you could have anything you want, if you just do this for me." And he started talking about how he never gets enough attention. Then he just talked about how he liked me a lot and i wasn't like other girls. I was sleeping with this dude no matter what, why did he feel the need to talk so much crap if he didn't mean it? So i got a new phone, and gave him the number, but he hasn't called or talked to me since wednesday. And we were supposed to hang out Thursday? What should I do? SHould I call him? I really hate putting myself out there, I don't want to seem buggy, so what do I do? BTW i just finished watching "He's Just Not That Into You," and now I'm over thinking everything. Secondly, I went to a concert Friday night. I was feeling bad because the first guy didn't call me and all that. Went to the concert, and saw this other guy I used to hook up with, who has also never called me back. :( So i left the concert, went to a party, then went out to the bars. Who should I run into but the second guy. He was like "Hey I know you! It's me!" I was drunk at this point...so I got mad. I didn't want to talk to him so I walked away but he followed me and i just kept ignoring him so he eventually turned around. All the frustration coupled with the drinks, I started crying. A friend took me home and my other friends stayed. Fast forward a few hours, and my phone is ringing but I don't answer. Like 20 minutes later, who should come through my door, but the second guy! I just told my roommate to say I wasn't here and he left. NO guy has called since. :( I'm completely bummed out. I really liked both of these guys. The second guy was a total asshole so I'm not really concerned about him. The first guy...he was something different. He was amazing. I like him so much. I just don't know if I should call him or not. I don't know if it's a lost cause. I'm so confused. Also I'm leaving for the summer in a week. I don't know how that factors in, but its a factor. I sound like such a little girl in this post I know, but I'm just exhausted with all the games, the lies, and I really thought the first guy was someone different. When we first met, he kept saying how he wanted to spend all his time with me since he only had three weeks to spend with me.
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drunk, hasn't called, roommate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Booze is a definite mistake and will harm any and all judgment. Eliminate it completely, no moderation at all when youre with men. This will help you see if they are genuine and if they mean what they say. The first guy sounds like just an infatuation and you two were just getting to know each other. You knew him for how long? I think itd be wise to take your time with men, ease of the fast pace to sex or anything sexual, and develop solid feelings. These men may not be calling you back because they sense desperation and that represents clinginess and bottom line possible high maintenance and low low self esteem. I say that all with respect tho. You just need to gather yourself, figure out your relationship goals, and start to hang out with good people and continue to attend social events like concerts. I will again highly advise you stay completely away from alcohol. Its done you no good and its bad affects seem to outweigh any good that have come out of your recent situations. Best on this miss.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): STOP stop stop having sex with guys so early and don't take a word they say seriously until their words match their actions (dates, calling consistently to ask you out in advance, no mixed signals) for at least two months. Otherwise, you will get used, taken advantage of, lied to, and then kicked to the curb unless they want sex again.
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