A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm due to start college in 8 days and i'm really nervous. Not really because i'll be in a new place or anything but there only 2 people who i hang round wiv that are going and they are in a different course even thought we are all in the same part of the building. The thing is i'm not like alot of teenagers my age, i have never liked being in big groups, i have always liked to be at home alot and spend time on my own, i don't drink as i actually don't like the taste of alcohol, i don't do drugs and i have always been deeply against smoking and have never done it and never will, i just can't stand it. Thing is i'm more of the quiet type that just likes to go out once or twice in half term and maybe once everyfew weekends or something. I have never been able to stop out at peoples house over night because i just don't like it, after about 6 hrs of being out with my friends i'm ready to go home, yet i like people to stop at mine. I've always been one of these people that would like just a few best friends who are really close who arent one of these that go out causing trouble every night and someone just like me, i'm really one of the quiet types. I know a lot of people find it hard that i actually love to be at home by myself just watching tv, on the laptop or anything. I am an only child by the way too and i have always had a close relationship with my mum which i never want to change, i also don't have a dad as he died when i was 6 months old. I like being who i am and i dont want to change but i know i'm gonna find it really hard to fit in being who i am but there seems to be no other kids like me and if there are they arent anywhere around here. My best mate who was jyst like me left when i was 9 and is now moving to canada although we will stay in touch. Thing is even if i make friends and they ask if i want to go out friday night and i say yes then they ask the next week i may not want to and i don't want tem to think i'm being funny with them, also if they ask if i wanna do summat after school all the time i may not want to and i just won't know what to say. I've met some of the people there and they all seem the same. The two i mentioned first(the ones on the diff course) i don't hang out with after school. I also think one thing that put the people off i used to be friends with at juniors is that i always used to play up and was never there and always wanted to go home. There wree quite afew reasons for that one being my best friend(the one that left) had just left and i was finding hard to fit in and another being i was bullied and no one knew. It's not that i'm not socialable but i just don't know how to approach people but thats all down to the fact i'm so quiet and i want to be friends with someone like me,who will understand why i am who i am, maybe someone that is actually more grown up as i get on with adults really well. Another thing is i don't want a bf yet and everyone else is on about having bf's now and i just don't want one. I'm sorry this is so long and that i may have repeated myself i just don't know how to explain it. How can i get friends like me and make knew friends without having to change who i am? because i've not been very happy with my life all of my life but now i've realised what i want and this is how i would be happy!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Wow, when I read your post, I thought I was reading about myself :o
I am a quiet and serious person, and I only like a small group of friends, I've never had a boyfriend in my life b, I'd rather be at home by myself than go out, be on my video games and laptop, and I don't like coming up to people... I don't know...I just can't...
I start college tomorrow and I know no one because it's very hard for me to just talk, and believe me, it is not fun at all. Today during a meeting, everyone around me seemed to be so lively and everyone was in a group while I was just standing there by myself and did'nt talk to anyone.
And it's weird, because if somebody actually comes up to me, I wish that they didn't because I know I'm not the average young person that's out there to have fun; I don't know how to act toward people, and I don't want to change the way I am just to be liked by others, I don't like to share and talk, because the truth is that I feel that no one is real nowdays...I mean, who can we really trust in this insane world?
Maybe I am antisocial, even though I can be really outgoing with close friends once I trust them; yet, I don't think it will be possible for me to fully trust someone one day. I don't even trust my parents!
And I don't know if hearing about a my case helped you in any way; but, know that you're not the only one that feels that way. It is very difficult to deal with other people, mostly when it seems that no one will understand you and that you are totally different than everybody else.
I've felt like that since I was little, but maybe with a little patience you'll find some good friends like you someday...
But always keep in mind that a true friend accepts you for who you are, you don't have to change for anyone! Be yourself, always! And if they don't like it then well, that's too bad! Never be a fake, we already have enough of those and remember than is better to be alone than in bad company. Being a quiet and introverted person is very hard nowdays, when you are expected to interact and talk to everyone specially in college... So unfortunaly, you'll have to work on that, (and me too) and you'll get better at dealing with people with time.
A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (2 September 2007):
 i felt the sameway when i started my 6th form/college. A few days later i felt stupid. Believe me most people feel exactly like you do. And when you start your classes youll talk to that first person and then hours later youll have a great friend.
It happens, just let it happen and be yourself and have fun.
College is great
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A
female
reader, skye +, writes (2 September 2007):
 "love-him" is right. Just be yourself and everything will be fine. HONESTLY!!
There are loads of people just like you. I was one of them at your age and I still prefer to have a smaller social group. My friends accept me for who I am. These are the people who love and care for me and wouldnt ever want me to change. Your friends will accept you in the same way.
Everyone is apprehensive just before they begin something new like college. Its human nature and totally normal. I was terrified my first week, I thought everyone was better adjusted to the new environment than I was. Then I saw a girl from my psychology class walking towards me and I simply introduced myself and told her I was a bit scared of going in alone and as it turned out..so was she! She let out a huge sigh of relief and said how glad she was not to be the only one feeling that way. We are still friends to this day.
Just be yourself, be friendly and approachable. You will meet all sorts of people in your new environment and some will be just like you. Dont ever try to be, or become someone you are not. If you dont like something, simply have the confidence to say so from the start and your new friends will accept you as who you are right away.
Good luck,
Skye
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (2 September 2007):
 Hi bbe, for the past 15months ive had no friends, no one to hang about with wen i was at school, as they all fell out wiv me when i got my bf (current) and im due to start college on tuesday. This is your chance to find new ppl, i know you will have your other friends too, but you will find people in your class.. just make small talk, ask them when they are from etc, maybe if they went to high school before (some people dropped out or took a year off). Dont change at all, as you dont have too.. if someone wants you to change tell them where 2 go. Just be yourself and be friendly, smile at ppl, let them know your there, and you're bound to make friends, like you made friends in high school. I hope i helped, mail me if u wanna talk x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): I used to have the same worries.. I'm now a lot older, and been through the college bit and have come out the other side unscathed and a lot happier! :)
I'm also an only child, and know what you mean about liking your own space. That said, when you start college I reckon you should make a deal with yourself - make a compromise. Okay, so don't go out everynight painting the town red (partying!), but at least say to yourself that you'll make slightly more of an effort to get know new people, than you currently do. Once you've done that, if you don't get on with them, or they really do like to do different things to you, then you can start doing more of your own thing, or better still - start mixing in different circles. I personally think it's important to force yourself a little bit at first - it's generally easier to meet people when you first get there.
When you go to college or Uni, you generally find that you're mixing with a far more diverse set of people than you used to hang around with - so have no fear! I'd recommend joining clubs which you're interested in - that way, even if it isn't the drinking all night that you share a common interest in, at least it IS something you enjoy!
I'm yet to meet someone that hasn't made some really great friends at College - I'm sure you have no need to worry. Good luck & enjoy!
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