A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Christmas is coming and I'm dreading it unfortunately.I do have a lovely boyfriend who is caring and loving and loves me to bits, but he is lazy, undermotivated, etc. He hasn't achieved very much when it comes to career...he doesn't work at all.He doesn't make an effort with his home/appearance.I have suffered from an illness for a number of years which inhibits me. Everyday I try to do all I can to make my life better, to have a better quality of life. I work as hard as I can. My boyfriend thinks I should relax more. But I try all the time to find ways to make good friends, work, etc.Many of my problems come from my childhood...but I get on well with my parents now, using acceptance and forgiveness. Though they don't want to spend xmas with me, they won't be changed, that's the way they are. I have a daughter but she lives with her Dad and though I will see her, not xmas day. She lives with him because of my illness and he won't allow her to see me on the day, and its been agreed in court.I will most likely spend xmas day with my partner. I don't have any really decent friends (and I have tried hard to find them, joining groups, etc)but after xmas, he wants to go to his parents. This is the problem. I don't want to go. We have only been together just over a year, and we have seen his parents 4 times already though it is a 900 mile trip there and back. We go by car. I always find the journey anxiety provoking. I adore his parents, they are lovely but it just highlights to me that I wish I was with my own family. I get very upset and stressed when I am there. My partner also has two boys and they are fine but after a while...they are a bit spoilt (13 and 15) and the four times I have been there, I have become very anxious.The alternative is to stay at home on my own for at least a week. That would not be easy as I haven't spent that amount of time on my own for over a year.Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Have a word with the doc, theres medication you can take if you are afraid of flying, so maybe it's similar for long car journeys to settle your nerves. When you get there, plan a trip out somewhere with the boys, give yourself something to look forward to, to aim for. Make sure it's something you will enjoy as well. hope this helps
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 If you might want a day to yourself to relax and maybe watch a movie and not make a big deal out of Christmas, why not request they go without you? Some people feel lonely because they have no friends or family to be with, but you have that and it might not be so bad to spend a relaxing quiet day for yourself.
Can you call your parents for a little chat? Should you decide to see what its like to have a day all to yourself, perhaps hire someone to get your home extra clean, if it isn't already. I"m not suggesting it isn't, but everyone's home can always use an extra hand.
Then have some movies on hand that you might enjoy, either have food around ahead of time or maybe you rather not even eat ? Make it a day of having fun and no stress?
If you are not feeling well, just keep it simple like that without all the reasons you told us about. Insist they have a good time and that you might actually enjoy a little rest?
If you really don't want to stay home while they go out, I guess others here will have some great ideas.
Considering you aren't feeling top shape, is why I am focusing on the staying home. Also, I have no idea if your town or city has anything open on Christmas or if everything is closed.
Here in New Orleans, its a BIG DAY for people going to the movies. Perhaps you might know of someone else who might be alone who rather not be alone and see if they want to go to a movie?
I'm sure you will find a way not to go, for them to feel okay that you don't go with them. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (30 November 2008):
hiyah, firstly nobody wants to really be alone on christmas so dont see that as your ultimatium yet. talk to him, yeah he might be lazy and a little uncaring at times but hes aware you have an illness and with that he should be up and listning when you have a porblem. tell him what youve said, that you love his parents but at a time like christmas it brings back memories you wish you had but you find it an impossibility to enjoy given the fact you never had that as a child. say you respect why he needs to go but its something you cannot do for so many reasons and you hope he can accept that part of you. or on the other hand it might help take your mind off sitting home alone? dont compare it to your own experiances but make new ones. no christmases are the same and i dont know one thats ever gone to plan! nothings perfect and mistakes are made all year round so the 25th shouldnt and wont be any different!dont spend time dreading it or regretting you dont have your kids spend time on ideas of what fun youll do when you do have them round and make sure even if our not 100% your doing it for them as christmas is kids and happiness but its also a time for you to reflect on the past year and possible changes for the future, you have two directions to go in and your not in a bad position theres people a lot worse off than you this year hun. make it a good one which ever you decide and what ever you do- enjoy it thats what eveeryone forgets its about and its all over so soon! its not something you need to hate! best of luck in what you decide - HAPPY christmas! xxx
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