A
male
age
36-40,
*uy893
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. We have had our ups and downs like anybody and currently we have been getting along great and having a blast together. But for the past two years now, I have not been able to stop thinking about her best friend. I'm not sure why. It seems like it is a natural male thing, but I still feel bad. My girlfriend has no patience sometimes and tends to have a closed mind. Her friend is the opposite and we talk about a lot of different things together (not sex though). Her friend also seems to flirt with me on occasion, but that may just be me overthinking it (she seems to bend over frequently in front of me lol). On another strange note, I have caught my girlfriend watching threesome videos (2 girl 1 guy). She has not expressed this interest to me though so I'm not sure how to take it. Wouldn't things get weird if that happened? What should I do? Should I just swallow my feelings and get on with it? Talk it out with my girlfriend's friend or her? Any help is much appreciated.
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, swallow, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, guy893 +, writes (26 May 2013):
guy893 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the responses. i think our relationship is just not working. i will start another discussion about that. i agree that i will stay away from the friend. that would just make me feel like a huge asshole. thanks again guys.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 As someone whose crush, never mind boyfriend, ended up going out with my best friend, I can say with certainty that you need to put a stop to any flirting that's been going on. Your girlfriend will have picked up on it and it may start to affect their friendship and your relationship. If you love and respect your girlfriend, stay far away from her friend.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 You're drawn to her because she is physically and intellectually attractive, seemingly patient and personable, and because you have no obligation to her beyond that of common courtesy.
Not that your girlfriend is unreasonable, but she has greater expectations of you than does her friend who has no claim to you. It's worth keeping in mind that if the friend were your girlfriend, she too would have greater expectations.
This attraction does not necessarily mean you want to break up. Just that you might need to negotiate a bit more freedom and flexibility for yourself in the relationship.
As for what to say and to whom...say nothing to the friend, but do discourage flirting by distancing yourself when she does and not responding in kind. If she is indeed flirting it may because she feels safer with you because she knows you're spoken for and nothing will come of it.
I don't recommend you tell your girlfriend about this attraction as that would trigger uncertainty and breed mistrust. It will jeopardize their friendship and it will create a huge headache for everyone.
As for the threesome....say absolutely nothing. EVER. For one thing, many women are instantly suspicious when a man even hints about them. And so they should be. Second, your girlfriend has undoubtedly noticed your affection for her friend and mentioning a threesome is going likely to spark a big fight.
And being curious enough to read about them doesn't mean she wants one. I've read many articles about terrorism, but I certainly don't want to be a terrorist.
And finally, if she does want one, or is considering it, it's best not to pre-empt her. Let her bring it up when she is ready.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (23 May 2013):
Thrill of the forbidden is a very normal thing for a guy your age. I know of few men who have not at least thought of "what would it be like" relative to their gfs friend/sister whatever.
That said, you need to get your priorities clear. If you are with your gf, you are with her and thats it. Im sure your gf has plenty of good qualities that her friend does not have, and if you want to stay with her, I would focus on those.
...............................
|
