A
male
age
30-35,
*hostChild
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship. 700kms between us, and we've been together for over a year now.In that time, I've visited my girlfriend nine times. I've always done all of the travelling. I have flown, caught buses, trains and driven long distance numerous times just to see her.I normally am the one spending most of the money too. We generally split money on hotels, but I usually seem to be the one paying extra, and paying for a lot of our meals. She rarely ever offers money to compensate for all the petrol it costs me to go and see her, and I feel awkward asking for money.I'm not saying that she's completely ungrateful, she has done a lot for me. She gets me a lot of gifts, gives a lot of free time for me, and she's provided me with a lot of support. She's a great girlfriend who I can talk to about anything.But at the same time, she doesn't contribute to our relationship financially or practically.The only time she has ever been to my city was last year, and for that to happen, I drove all the way to her state, picked her up, and drove back here. When I've suggested that she comes and visits here, she has one of two excuses. It's either that she can't afford it, or she's too scared since she's never travelled that far by herself before. But she has travelled interstate before, just with friends. Although it's apparently a much different situation for her to catch a bus or a train by herself, so she refuses to do it.One time, I put my foot down and said that I was tired of always doing all the leg work and that I'd like it if she came to see me. But then she started crying and said that she can't make that trip alone, and that if I couldn't go and see her then we had to break up. So as usual, I caved in and continued to travel to see her.She wants us to move in soon as well. I have a job, she doesn't. She's become excessivey fussy with work. She only applies for jobs at her favourite stores, and she only applies at places that are within walking distance of her (because she "doesn't understand how the buses work in her area") and one that won't require her to work late. She becomes very difficult to talk to when I try and encourage her to go for an easier job like at a grocery store or a department store until she can find something she really wants.Anyway. The bottomline is, I'm doing all the legwork and she contributes very little. I'm doing all the travelling to the point that all of our trips together, it's expected that I'm the one driving/flying/busing etc. I am also the one that organizes all of the accomodation and most of the events that we attend, even though it's in her state and not mine. And now she wants me to pick up everything and move to her state when she's not even willing to sit on a bus for a few hours to visit me.I don't want to leave her, but I'm really starting to realise that I've drawn the short straw in this relationship. She's a really stubbon and emotional person and very difficult to reason with. How can I approach about this and try to get her to start pulling her weight more without sounding rude or too forceful?Sorry for the long question.
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male
reader, Moonknight  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 I think her comfort zone is exactly how she likes it and don't want to change that.If she'd rather end the relationship than gathering enough courage to travel and see you, then she might not be the girl for you...
A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (6 February 2011):
 I do feel for you in that it must be extremely frustrating as you are doing all the travelling, arranging and organising.
However, I do think she is like this for a reason... it isn't that she is not interested in you, it is purely because she hasn't got the confidence to travel alone or arrange hotel bookings etc. For some of us it is an everyday life, but for others it is a huge task and the thought of it can really make them panic and is a big thing. I know someone who is exactly the same... and would not ever consider getting on a bus or a train without someone being with her.
If she isn't prepared to travel, then I do think it is only fair that she contributes to your expenses... I also feel that she hasn't opened up to you fully about her anxieties .... try and get her to open up, and once she confides in you, you may have a better understanding to what her problem is.
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