A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I could do with some guidance. My partner and I have been together for 5 years, we have a son and a dog. I moved in just before the first lockdown, away from where I work, my life and my friends to be with him. We always agreed we would move back eventually and when we had our son we both said we wanted him to grow up somewhere with better schools, better links and easier access for me to get my son to school as I don't drive. We've been working towards this, planning on a move this year and my partner dropped on me that he doesn't want to go, that he wants to stay here and he feels he has compromised enough. I'm devastated as we live in a tiny old house, in the middle of nowhere where I've never been happy and my partner was on the same page but now he's completely changed his mind. He won't budge and has even questioned if we should have another baby when we've been trying. I feel so upset, he says he loves me but it doesn't feel this way and now I feel that either way I lose. If I stay I'm unhappy and giving my son a life I didn't want for him, if I leave I'm unhappy breaking up my family. My partner doesn't want to talk to me as he's angry at me for getting upset. We have very different communication styles so clash. What do I do? I've suggested relationship counselling but he's not interested. I feel I have no choice but to leave and I'm devastated.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2024): How has he compromised? It sounds like you didn't look after your own needs but stayed somewhere you didn't want to be for five years. If you were so unhappy with the arrangement why has it only come up now?
He's angry at you for getting upset? Don't you have the right to have feelings? He won't have counselling and doesn't want another child. Everything seems to be on his terms and you have gone along with it.
It looks doubtful that you would be happy to stay with him so why not take your son and leave.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2024): You've moved in with him but never been happy due to the location!
I just find that a bit hard to follow because once you'd arrived there you got a dog and had a planned child.
And the understanding was that you would carry on building a family together!
If youre in such a remote situation and everything else was ok that shouldn't get you down unless they was more to it than that!?
Perhaps you have changed emotionally towards him during this time?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 July 2024):
 It doesn't sound like you two can find a compromise that works for both of you.
DO NOT get pregnant again. A baby can't fix your issues.
Do you have support closer to home? Can you get help from family and friend? Get your job back?
If you can, start making your exit plan.
Get all your paperwork and baby's paperwork. Figure out the logistics of moving home. Call your old job and see if they have a spot for you, find daycare, separate yourself from the finances with him, if he has access to your bank account get him off, etc. etc.
You two are not going to work out long term and you know it.
You sound isolated and miserable. That won't change by staying. He won't change by you staying.
He sounds like he wants YOU to be the one to break it off.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2024): I'm so sorry to hear that you are in this predicament.
It's very selfish of him to flip on you on something so serious, and to do it when you already have a kid is just incredibly manipulative.
And not only that, but to have the gall to insinuate that you haven't done any compromises when you dropped EVERYTHING to be with him? He's in the wrong here, no doubt about it.
You have to follow your heart in situations like this. If he's already putting himself above all else, he will never change. Your thoughts will never be considered in any life changing decision like this, and you will perpetually be gaslit.
I think you are right. You should leave, and it will be incredibly painful, but ultimately fulfilling once you heal.
...............................
|
