A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi im 27 yrs old and a loner! all my life im pretending im happy with my life but im not. Growing up i wasnt pretty, i stuttered(and still do) because i was scared to start conversations with people. When i hit puberty i developed bad skin, huge crooked lips and bad teeth! i was laughed at for it especially my stutter,teeth and skin.i broke out and my acne scars didn't go away they stayed on my body til now. and to make matters worst i sometimes get boils between my breasts, on my back and buttocks. that's why i hardly had a boyfriend and I'm fully covered up when i go out.i met my daughters dad and he's a good person at heart but when we'd get into an argument he'd call me a "big lipped stuttering ass!" this hurts me and make me believe im even more uglier! I met a guy about 4 yrs ago and we were meeting up for the first time, i showed my mom what he looks like and she said" oh he's very handsome but did he see what you look like? did he see your teeth?" that made me depressed and i canceled my date.I honestly thought i grow to love my flaws or they'd go away but it didnt end up that way it ended up getting worst.i have very low self esteem. there are days i feel great and when i look at myself in the mirror i get fed up n start crying. every time i take off my close to shower i'd avoid looking in the mirror because it depresses me.i have lost my hair because of how stressed i am with my appearance! i had to cut it extremely low and now i wear wigs! I've been to the doctor because i thought i was ill but he said i was fine and i have an hormone imbalance. it sucks because no matter how much i try to be pretty i feel real ugly. because of my low self esteem i dont work outside the house i work fr home. when i get invited out i turn it down and pretend im busy. i make my friends and family believe im happy and doing good but the truth is im miserable and it's slowly eating away at my heart!Is there anyone else that have a similar story of feel how i feel? please let me know I'd really appreciate it! i need to be lifted up!! thank you and God bless
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHELLO and thank you all so much!!!!!! i feel soo much better just reading your responses auntybimbim greenpink rescuer and others tanks for making me smile!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Cheer up sunshine!!
Possibly could your mum have been joking? i know my mother is always saying nasty things about my looks, and she thinks she is helairious.
Not everyone will find you attractive, im sure their are people you find unattractive, but there will be people out there who will think your one sexy lady, but don't have the courage to say anything.
I have cried numourous amounts of times because i think i'm ugly. I have cancelled seeing my boyfriend because i woke up in the morning and felt so unbearably ugly that i didnt want to leave the front door, my favourite time of day was bed time and i never wanted to wake up.
A few things that help me are, going to the shops and buying a new outfit...however this can also be stressful and make you feel worse, so if you are to go be open minded.
Having a small make over, get your hair done, do your make up differently, paint your nails.
Actually put the effort in to make your skin better, wash skin properly and eat the right foods, wash and brush your hair so it feels silky soft. Have a bath, clean every part of yourself. Not only will you feel better and look better, you will feel proud of yourself.
Eat healthier, and exercise and then reward yourself
Get really comfortable and watch a nice movie.
Dont beat yourself up all the time, you don't deserve it.
You can't rely on other people to make you feel better, sometimes it just happens.
Give yourself some T.L.C, you owe it to yourself. You are your own best friend, take care of yourself.
Someones personality means 1000000000000000000000000x more than their looks, would you really want a guy who only wanted you for your looks anyway?
It's best to go out with friends, however if your not ready and too uncomfortable instead of lying and not going out and saying your "busy" actually Make yourself busy. Catch up on things you have been meaning to do for ages, this will give you self satisfaction.
P.S
Your beautiful, it doesnt matter what you look like, you sound beautiful to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Its easy for other people to say that you will learn to love yourself or that you should work on yourself confidence when they don't really know you at all.
I would probably suggest that you start saving a bit of money every month and you can go and have your teeth done. Veneers can give anyone a hollywood smile and it's not just for movie stars. Start saving or find a dentist that offers financing options.
As for your skin go see a specialist and find out what your options are. Acne scars can usually be greatly improved through laser correction. If you keep getting bad spots etc it's probably a hormone thing, have you considered going on/changing contraception pills? There are several that are used specifically to help people with bad skin. Go see a dermatologist
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Have you ever looked at a mismatched couple and wondered about what was the attraction that brought them together?
When I was your age we got a new boss and he was ever so ugly! His looks were very, very hard to stomach...I didn't want to be anywhere near him, but that couldn't be avoided it...he was my boss after all. It didn't take long to find out JC was someone we all WANTED to be around...always smiling, funny, smart, and uplifting. JC gave ME self esteem by recognizing hard work and opportunities that changed my life.
Worse even, years later, I worked with an employee whose face was extremely disfigured, but the love of God radiated from his very being, drawing you in not away. I learned later his disfigurement resulted from a gunshot to the mouth, a botched suicide.
Then there was the clerk at the paint store whose face was hideously scarred, but when I checked out by purchase I was forced to confront her. She looked me straight in the face and spoke...and her inner beauty filled the room … I was overwhelmed... only then did I notice the scars traveled down her neck to her arms and torso, a child burn victim.
There are seemingly beautiful people all around us yet we can't bear them and others that, after the hair comes down and the makeup comes off are dog-ugly.
The point I want to make is; at the end of the day, it's not how you look but how you love that people will remember most and you have to start by loving yourself.
There are many things you can do to improve appearance; cosmetics cover a lot; eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, and exercise will improve skin; dental procedures to straighten and whiten; and highlights, styling, and scarves or hair bands to dress up bad hair.
If you have the resources, see a therapist. Regardless, go to the library and in the self help psychology) section, look for books that describe how you feel. For example, when I felt alienated, I read Dale Carnegies "How to Win Friends and Influence People", and when I felt I was being taken advantage of, I read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty".
Novels, too, can build esteem and provide encouragement. Try Diana Wagman's "Skin Deep": http://www.amazon.com/Skin-Deep-Diana-Wagman/dp/1578060990/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270887625&sr=1-2#noop
Don't shy away from the mirror. From now on, when you look at yourself, let compliments flow from your mouth. Like "Hey good looking’, I love your [fill in the blank], I'm having a wonderful day" or anything that makes you feel good, special, proud. Meanwhile, stay clear of things that don’t (like your own mother; her remark is unconscionable)!
Finally, I believe stuttering can be caused by speaking before your thoughts are fully formed, then being self-conscious about it. So, just take your time and speak when you're feeling assured and confident.
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A
female
reader, greenpink +, writes (10 April 2010):
hi. i know exactly how you feel! a while back i hated to look at myself in the mirror because all i saw was an ugly person. my sisters would always say things about me, my shoe size, seeing as i was the youngest and had the biggest feet, my nose, my acne, my hairy arms, legs and knuckles, and my "guy-like" appreance. my weight was always the worst. "im fat" is all i would say to myself and all i would hear. i used to hate my body. and honestly i still have things that i don't like, but everybody does.
so what i did was except myself. i said "this is me and i like it!" i went shopping, and instead of looking for the newest "trends" to wear, i looked for everything and anything that I felt comfertable in. everything that majord my curves and that looked nice on MY body. everytime i passed by a mirror i would put on a nice simle or a sassy look.(a look that I thought was nice/pretty/sexy) and as for dating: i chill until i find a person that will accept me for ME! there still are people out that will appreicate a gals personality over appreance!
i don't know how these things will work for you but my advice is be proud of yourself! treat yourself every now and then go get a mani peti(manicure peticure) or a new pair of jeans or a facial and have a night on the town. by the way, people can be so cruel and i am so sorry that it happens to be the ones cloest to you that are this way. and there is nothing worng with wearing a wig. to make things easy, get a few clip in hair extensions. everyone has them and im sure they will look great. teeth are correctable. my teeth were terrible until i got braces when i was 12, and age does not matter. i had a mentor who was almost 60 and had braces! (true story) and check out a doctor for the boils. likelyness is that there's an answer.
i am truly sorry for how you feel and i can honestlly say tht i understand. i hope that i could be of some help but everyone is different. these things worked for me hopefuly they will work for you as well. take yourself out every once and a while and please don't be afraid to get out of your home. im sure that you are a beautiful woman(and i am not "just saying" that) grow and progerss good luck and god bless. Love AJ :)
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Bad teeth is genetic, but maybe you can work something out to get these fixed, speak to your doctor, bad skin can be kept under control to a large extent by diet and lifestyle (I have inherited dreadful skin from my father, and chalky teeth from mother) as for your big lips, look at all those famous people on magazines, they all have stuff injected into their lips to make them big. I can hear in your words you are down, and feel unloved and unlovely. I know from experience my telling you lots and lots of nice, positive things is not going to make an iota of difference, at this stage. Although there are many, many things you can do to alter your mind set and help you crawl out of this depression, such as joining womens groups etc, you need to start small. Lift your head, the very action has a physical response which will cause feel happy hormones to be released. Go for a walk, instead of looking at the ground, take a risk and lift your head, look at the sky, look at tree tops, look for birds. Take a walk with your head held high at least once a day. Put a beautiful picture high up on the wall of the room you spend most of your time in, and each time you fee the black dog of depression coming, lift the head and lose yourself in the picture. I am sending you as many postive thoughts and butterflies as my mind can conjur. good luck
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