A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I posted on here a while ago about a dilemma I had. My best friend (who's male) told me he had feelings for me. I didn't want to ruin the friendship and didn't know how I felt about having a relationship with him. I know him inside out, we've been friends for years so I've seen him at his best and at his worst. He's everything I'd usually go for - good looking, has a good job, is a wonderful person who has a lot of fantastic qualities that a lot of guys seem to lack, he's friendly, my family and friends adore him and his, me, we know everything about eachother and feel totally comfortable around eachother so I decided to give it a go. Its been 6 months now and although it should be perfect - he's treated me like a queen, I genuinely didn't know guys could treat girls this good, he thinks the world of me and genuinely would do anything for me, but it's lacking any sort of spark. For me, anyway. I don't miss my ex, but I miss the feelings I had when I was with him. The butterflies every time his name popped up on my screen, the absolute bubbling excitement I got when I knew he was on his way round, the chemistry we had. I don't feel any of this with mh boyfriend. A lot of people have said its because we didn't have the getting to know eachother stage, but I miss it. I feel like we've been together years and I know this guy wants it to be for life. I feel bored after only 6 months but I don't even know why! My mother raised a valid point.. She said would I rather spend my life with this guy, knowing he would never disrespect me, cheat on me or hurt me and having a good life together and being content, if not happy. Or would I lose everything I have with this perfect guy and risk spending the next 20 years plus being messed around by jerks or getting in a relationship with someone where inevitably the spark will wear off. I'm so confused, why can't I just be insanely happy with what I've got? Not a day goes by where people don't tell me how lucky I am to have him
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 March 2013):
 hi
I think he's just too familiar,it's like you've been married for 30 years instead of 6 months into a relationship. He holds no surprises,he's comfortable.Your in a rut.
Maybe you should try a few new things,inject some spontinaiety.Surprise him with a weekend away, do stuff together you have never done.
If you really don't want to make the effort then perhaps he simply is not for you.Maybe you just aren't 'in love'.
You could end up dating for the next eight years,idiots,cheaters,players the lot,before you meet the man who makes you feel like a love struck teenager.
At least you won't be unhappy or disatisfied and your man can go find a girl who loves him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): This is a difficult one. You could end it with him, but never found the person who gives to that spark, then you may look back and have regrets. Even when there is that special chemistry, it does settle as real life kicks in. You can't live forever with that new found romantic high, it always changes into something settled that can withstand life's ups and downs. But love is the key. There is a difference between love and being 'in love'. Think of your life without him, if the prospect doesn't both you then you have your answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Maybe you're just not ready to settle yet and what's happened here is that you're in a relationship that was secure and settled from the outset.
You don't have that romantic lust or desire because there's no edge or mystery to the relationship.
I'm in the exact same type of relationship with my fiancée going on 7 years now. We were close friends before we got together, knew each other backwards. So when we got together we almost completely skipped the honeymoon period (apart from the constant sex). I guess our saving grace though was that I'm 9 years older than her at 19 it was her first real adult relationship. We had an edge and mystery because she had so little experience and I had tonnes, so for her it was exciting and new, and yeah there was tonnes of wild sex.
One thing I notice that is completely lacking from your post OP is that you don't mention being in love with him. Could it be that despite all the amazing things this guy has, how he is practically perfect in every way you just don't love him in that way?
I mean he's basically been pining for you for a long time while you were all but indifferent romantically and only really gave this a go because it made practical sense?
Maybe the spark you're missing is the being "in love with him" part.
You need to figure out OP whether this is just a case of you missing out on the exciting mysterious honeymoon stage or whether you're just not "in love" with this guy.
If you are in fact in love with him then maybe in terms of a relationship he's just boring and you need to mix things up a little.
7 years in and I still surprize my fiancée in lots of ways. We'll have romantic weekends away and for the whole weekend roleplay certain characters. Pretend we don't even know each other, have a weekend where I try to woo her as a stranger. We mix it up sexually in similar ways. Our Fridays are date nights where every week we try to do something new and exciting, mini golf, bowling, travel to a different city and go play laser tag, or paintball, go to a themepark, or before we both became professionals go into the forest and take some magic mushrooms. The list is endless. Maybe it's just that your relationship has become too much of a comfortable routine and you don't do anything new and interesting, just go to dinner in your city, the same pubs all the time, the football on sunday, saturday night in favourite local club and a kebab afterwards.
I say try and inject some crazy excitement into your relationship, do some wild things that are out of your comfort zone together. Let external things be you're mystery and excitement and see if you can kickstart things that way.
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