A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 42, just divorced and met this man 18 years older than me. We only see each other 3 days a week but we have sex everytime we are together. This man said he just does it to please me. He has a low sex drive and sex is not important to him anymore. He enjoys cuddling and touching and can have no sex for months. I am glad that he is trying his best to please me. We've been together for 9 months now. I feel like he is doing it just for me and has already gone off sex. It doesnt feel like a mutual thing - something is missing. He is never hot and horny like me. Please advise.
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divorce, horny, older man, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): if you are madly in love with him and he is madly in love with you...what is the difference...seems like he is satisfying your sexual needs anyhow...what matters is how much you love each other.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 November 2007):
 I'm younger than either of you and have never found myself in such a situation, so perhaps I'm not the best person to give an opinion. But, I think it is easy to see there is a big difference between you two. At first sight, the difference seems to be his sex drive. I'm afraid that it may be way more than that.
Whatever your age, if you're "hot and horny" you need someone who will be "hot and horny", too. This is at the root of your post, so I see it's important, and very understandably so. I guess sex would still be a problem if he were eighteen but were not in synch with you. Maybe this is the problem: your sex "style" doesn't match his.
Also, seeing this from another angle, any man his age would expect you to have certain expectations regarding sex. And I bet any man his age would be happy to fulfill those expectations. It would be a huge boost if he could feel he can please a much younger, physically demanding woman. Perhaps he isn't at his prime anymore?
But, at another level, I think that, at 42 and just divorced, your expectations from life are way different from his. If I were in your situation, I would want to breathe again, to make plans, to meet new people and have new emotions. I wonder if this is what he wants; at 60, he's lived much of his life already, and he isn't getting any stronger, healthier or richer. Chances are he is thinking of where to retire to, and what to do with his spare time, of which he will have plenty. He must have achieved most of his life projects by now. And, if he hasn't, I don't think he has much interest in pursuing things he couldn't achieve in sixty years. I suppose he has already raised his children, and he might even have grandchildren by now. He is finished with his obligations. I'm sure life can have plenty of emotions for him now, but I don't think those would be the sort of emotions you want to have.
What sort of a relationship do you have? Are you "friends with benefits", partners, lovers? Maybe this is the reason behind your feeling that the relationship isn't mutual?
Why did you get involved with him? I don't want to read too deep into your post, but, perhaps you wanted a sense of security?
I would suggest that you think carefully about this relationship. Just as you would have to think about any other.
Take care.
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