| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: Hello.I have a question to ask....I am a 15 year old girl...and i'm dating a soon to be 22year old male over the internet.My friends think it's wrong and my parents don't know about my relationship with this guy..I want to move over to his country when I turn 18, but I'm still not sure, could he be using me for sex?I love him with all my heart and he's told me that he'd do anything just to hold me in his arms.He's said He wouldn't hurt me or have sex if I didn't want to, and that he'd wait till I was ready.Should I ignore what people say, or should I leave him??Please Help!!!!
View related questions:
the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, the thread thing was probally me forgetting to sign in your a private message from someone, No one's playing games it's all me!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Thanks for the response Jess Marie.. there is only one other thing. There were some anonymous posts on your thread that have concerned me. Was that you updating or someone playing games and pretending to be you. Has this guy asked for anything sexual at all. This for me would be a big factor about whether he loves you or he is interested only in sex and wants to use you. Sorry babes, but I really had to ask.. :^)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay,
Thanks very much.
Helps alot...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Your 15years old going out with some online guy and your gonna wait until your 18 when he and you are together. Those are the facts, and you are both also in love.
(1) You can ask him to visit you or telephone you and actually speak to your parents and tell them he loves you, will never hurt you and wants to be with you when you reach 18years
(2) You can tell your parents all the things you told us, but I have a feeling that they will say exactly the things that we have. He's too old, you are too young, and you don't know one another at all. But when you are older, you will be an adult and then you can do what you want anyway.
(3) Tell them nothing, they find out, they take away your computer and lock up the telephone and make sure it is hard for you to contact him again...
True love can wait, if it can't then it's not really love, but it's just some fantasy crush. If he can't wait until your 18 then he won't stay with you for the rest of your life. When you are 18 he will be 25 and the age distance will not be so great. I would however suggest you do not leave your family and friends to go live with some strange man who you have never even shaken hands with. Love makes us do some dangerous things, as we have said you don't know him at all.
Many girls travel across the world to meet strange men. As Khandi has told you her friend ended up in a homeless shelter after the guy turned out to be married. Me and Tish remember a case of a woman trapped in a foreign country without any money, terrified and scared that the guy would throw her out. Love is great, but a safe, healthy, life is better. Wait until your older, then speak to your parents and if you and him are serious, your parents will help you both get together in a way that is sensible and safe for a young woman of your age.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHeyy,
Well, from the last time i came online im still with the guy that I said I was with.
We Love eachother more then anyhting in this world, he says he wont hurt me and that he wishes he could be with me, I feel the same, I still wish people could see it that we ain't doing any harm and that he really does Love me like he says he does.
I Just dont know how to break it to my parents!
could you give me some pointers??
thanks!
xxJess
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): hmmm,
yeah thx!!
anyway idk....what to do now...i'm in love with him but I don't know....WHAT AM I GONNA DO???
...............................
A
female
reader, Khandi  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 In the cyber world any one can be and have anythin they claim to. just be careful there are some people on the web who calim to ahve so much and realy dont have anything.and are not who they claimed they were a few years ao i use to be aprt of a chat cite where you could voice chat and or text chat online. A friend i met on the net lived in Clevelend Ohio(US) with her son, she met this man who lived in new york and they dated online for close to a year or more they never saw each other in person and talked on the phone all the time, he told her all of the thins he ws oing to do for her and her son, he even sent her money every now and then. he told her because of his job he could not come and visit her in ohio and becuse of he job she couldnct visit him in nyc. He invited all of his friends and she invited all of her friends to a locked chat room and proposed to her on the internet in the chat room and she said yes. she was all excited and all alon i told her you didnt even meet him in person all you have is pictures you dont know who this man is and you are onna mary him, she ofcourse became mad at me and she stopped speakin ot me. the next time i heard from her she called me because she quit her job sold all of her furnature and brouht her son to nyc to live and when she got here not only was the picture of him that he sent of himself not realy him but his brother, he was already married and still livin iwth is wife. he fooled her al the way till she got to ny he was going to try to put her and her son up in an apartment and keep her as his mistress she didint know anyone else in nyc but me , she couldnt fly back to ohio wiht no job or a place to stay she ended up in a homeless shelter. he was not who she thouht he was she was embarased and hurt and she put her child throuh all of this cyber mess to find out he was not who she thouht he was this was lonwinded but I just hope you be careful and know there is a chance that these people will tell you anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): yeah,
Ok well kinda asked me to err masterbait....cough*....cough*
But I said "no" and he respected it and hasn't asked since.
btw...he had a 16yr old girlfriend in real life but left her for me!!
I know I'v got a long wait...and yeah i'll wait till im 18..
anyway....
reply back!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 There's a lot of panic about Internet relationships when there's an age difference like this, and nine times out of ten it's completely unnecessary.
BUT, and I hope you're reading this carefully because it's a very big BUT, there is a risk and it's a very real risk. As has been said, you only see what he wants you to see over the Internet. It's very much easier for him to be putting on an act when you don't see him face to face, and by the time you do it's too late because he's got you. You wouldn't play russian roulette - load one bullet into a gun, spin the cylinder and point it at your head then pull the trigger, would you? That's what you're doing. You don't KNOW for sure.
If he's asking you to do anything sexual on a webcam, or write anything sexual to him, then your best option is to simply say "no, I'm too young. We'll have to wait for that." It's not impossible to fall in love, real love, over the Internet. It's not impossible to fall in love at your age and with that sort of age gap - but at 15 your emotions are just beginning to develop properly and it's all too easy to be taken in by someone who knows just what to say to draw you in and use you for what he wants. You also need to be careful that he is being honest about his age, because as Collaroy says he may be considerably older even if you've seen him on webcam - it's often difficult to be sure of someone's age.
There are a lot of people here worried about you, me included. I'm also worried that the more we and others tell you this guy is some sort of pervert the more you'll refuse to believe it. There are ways to check on whether some of the information he is giving you about himself is genuine. I'm not going to post them here, but if you want details then let me know.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This guy is grooming you - the same way that all online perverts do. Speak to a teen counsellor, a teacher, your doctor, anyone, so long as they are a *responsible* adult (unlike this guy) and ask for their advice on how to handle this situation and do it SOON.And if he's asking you to do anything on webcam that is illegal too - if he loved you he wouldn't want you to be involved in him breaking the law. Also, you don't know what will happen with anything you DO do on webcam with him, as he could be recording it and sharing it around.Get away from this guy as soon as you can and tell someone about him before he does this to another young girl.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): What did he ask you to do on the webcam Jess Marie? What things has he said to make you feel uncomfortable?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah,
I guess your right..
But I trust this guy and love him, he wouldn't hurt me or do anything I didn't wanna do..
I haven't done anything on webcam coz I feel to uncomfortable, he understands that I feel uncomfortable and he repects me!!
anyway rely back!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I think it´s good that you have doubts. It´s smart to listen to what others have to say. Dating a 22 year old when you´re only 15 is dangerous. Over the internet is even more dangerous. On the internet all you read is what they want to show you. I really suggest that you find a boy closer to your age and who lives nearby. Don´t waste your time over an internet relationship. Life has a lot more to offer.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Too right Trish, if you parents don't like somebody you should always think twice. If this man loves you as much as you love him, he will want to meet your parents and ask them permission to continue to talk to you. I always try to do this with any young person I talk to on these boards. I'm older and although I'm a woman, I don't like talking to young people privately unless they've spoken to their parents first.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2008):
 One more thought for you, when I wasn't sure if a guy was really into me, I would suggest that he meet my parents. The ones that really cared about me would agree to meet them. The ones that were just users would find some creative way of getting out of it. They didn't want to have to look my dad and mom in the eyes...
It's a very simple test, really. An honorable man would insist on meeting the girl's parents, because he would want them to know that their daughter was in good hands.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2008):
Hi, I think that your friends have your very best interests at heart; they care about you and they want to be safe and happy.
I'm not saying that this applies to this online boyfriend, but generally a 22 year old man would find a 15 year old girl mentally uninteresting even though he might find her sexually attractive. LazyGuy has given you a very eye-opening show to watch, in "To Catch a Predator." It turns out that there are men out there who will lie about their age, their intentions, about not being married, about everything, just to have sex with an underage girl. And you are underage.
Your feelings of love are very natural and it is sooo much fun to be told you are beautiful and wonderful and gorgeous and to have the future painted in such wonderful stories. But, there is a big difference between having these feelings and acting on them. I could tell my parents that my boyfriend was the most wonderful guy ever when I was 15, and that we were planning to be married when we were 24. A year later, when I was 16, we broke up because he started to go after one of my friends. So much for promises.
The thing that really tells me you know this isn't a good idea is that you haven't told your parents about him. If you were certain of things, you'd be able to talk to them about him, and share your plans for the future with them. I know I told my parents that we were getting married at age 24, and while now I realize they didn't hold out much hope for this, they supported my emotions and my feelings. If you can't tell them about him, how will you ever be able to make the plans you want to when you're 18?
So listen to your friends, and talk to your parents, and give yourself one full year before doing anything. And that means do not do anything on the webcam that you might regret later, especially since they can be recorded and then later put on the internet. Be very cautious and alert and do not put too much faith in him just yet. If it was meant to be, in a few years time, he'll still be around, and you'll have the support of your family and your friends too.
Take care, and do listen to your friends and the aunts and uncles here who have a lot of life experience.
xxx
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Watch "to catch a predator" if you can stand the horrible american tv style and see if your recognize your boyfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Hi,
I doubt he is 22 ..probably more likely 32. But even if he is 22 sorry to say but you are a victim of an online predator who only wants to hook up with you so he can have sex.
Your friends sound very sensible and you are lucky to have them. Hopefully one of them will tell your parents before you get yourself into a lot of trouble. He probably already has you firmly in his grasp ,but at least you are starting to have doubts, why else would you pose a question on here?
Listen to the advice you are given ,and break all communication. If he persists tell your parents.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah,
I'v seen him on webcam.
We love eachother more then anything..
Why can't people just see....that we love eachother??
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (1 July 2008):
 At 15 and 22 this is a VERY bad idea. At 22 and 29 you could have a shot. For now, forget it. Regardless of what he says, this relationship at your age is exploitive, and is illegal in most places in the world.
You shouldn't be involved in relationships on the internet that your parents don't know about. There are a LOT of seriously twisted people out there, and not using real good judgement (which your parents can help you learn ... it's a learned skill that takes a lot more practice than you've had time to acquire) can wind you up seriously in trouble or even seriously dead.
Don't risk it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Fifteen and he's 22, he wants sex even though it's illegal. It's a sex thing babes, dump this guy real soon. Where's your head at, this guy could be dangerous, you don't really know anything about him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): do NOT fall for a guy on the internet
i think u should just stick wit guys in reality
cuz the dude might be a 40 year old man wanting some ass i think that u should meet him or end it i know i might not understand but i am 15 and i would never have a relationship wit a 22 year old over the internet
and i'm sure if ur parents found out they would KILL U
and also its kinda illegal
...............................
|
