A
female
age
36-40,
*ouse17
writes:Hi folks, So I've just recently boarded the dating plane once again. I've been single for a year and a half (after coming out of a messy 3 year relationship) and I've starting casually seeing this guy from my work. We only started seeing each other a week or so ago so nothing has really happened between us sexual wise yet. But... I'm finding thats I'm nervous about that. I havent had sex with anyone in a year and now all my insecurities are coming back full force. I really like this guy dont want to mess it up, at the same time I'm so insanely self-conscious about my weight. This guy is skinnier than me and I'm so aware of it. I know it sounds stupid, but I just dont know how to get my confidence back. I got comfortable with my ex and one night stands well... that was a fleeting thing and I didnt care about those because hey! it was a one night stand, not like I'm seeing them again. So here I am, really liking this guy but unsure how to take it up a notch on the intimacy level. Advise?
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female
reader, mouse17 +, writes (1 December 2013):
mouse17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much @like I see it. I needed to hear that! We went out for a date on Friday and it went really well. We actually ended up sleeping together but he hadn't slept with anyone for 3 years and was more nervous than I was so in a weird way that was nice and he was a super gentleman. Got a little winner there I think ;) So I'll just roll with the flow, see how it goes. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (28 November 2013):
 You say you've only been seeing this guy for a week, so I wouldn't be too worried about the fact you don't yet feel completely comfortable with the idea of becoming intimate with him.
Take things slowly. Slowly enough that WHEN you are ready to have sex with him you have already determined that he's with you because he's a good guy and serious about you, not looking for a quick fling. If he's a coworker you want to be extra certain that his motives with you are honest because there is so much potential for workplace drama if things between you end badly.
Please don't let your weight deter you from feeling that you deserve love, from this guy or from anyone else. He's not blind, so unless you're wearing a full-length burka he knows how your body is shaped... and clearly he's into you just the way you are. For all you know, he's secretly worrying about whether you think he's buff enough or whether you find him too skinny. Believe it or not, many guys are just about as insecure as most women are about their appearances - it's just not a side of them we ladies usually get to see.
If you're still feeling self-conscious, the online versions of many fashion magazines have tips on how to dress to flatter your specific body shape. And I guarantee that if he gets lucky enough to see you naked, he'll be too busy drooling to critique your curves. Love yourself, because you ARE beautiful, and wear that knowledge like it's the most gorgeous jewelry you own.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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