A
female
age
30-35,
*imeforchange
writes:I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now but he is married. He has been separated from his wife for about 8-9 months now. She does not want a divorce so of course she is not going to pay for it.He recently got scammed for $3500. This is his excuse for not getting a divorce. He says he wants to be with me and his wife knows that we are together but I just don't know if I should stay with him or not.He is married and when his wife sees pictures of us together she calls him and tells him stuff and he asks me to take them off. I understand that they are still married but what does it matter if they aren't together? I asked him this and he says that he just wants to avoid drama until they are officially divorced. I have seen her before (by accident I ran into her at the store) and she didn't say anything to me about the whole situation. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): he is putting his wife first in everything, this is a clear indication that he is still attached to her hip.still caring about his wife's feelings, the photos etc, . meaning that they are definitely still attached.....to the hip.to make doubly sure you need to speak to his wife and find out the status of the marriage/relationship. he has the icing on his cake right now, enjoying both so until you are sure, don't make him play you. or else you will be one of the woman that will be waiting until pigs fly for him to divorce. in the meanwhile the best years of your life would have passed you by. do the homework now, it will save you years of misery to come.presently you are the other woman, and strictly speaking you should not be, you should be his only woman if he is truly single.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): walk away now while you have your sanity.. did this for 4 years off and on... not worth it,if he can cheat on her he will cheat on you. You are worth more than that, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for FREE!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): I am in the same situation! it's very hard to deal with i've been with him for 7 months.. i would really like to talk to you more about your situation and to help you out..
let me know if you want to talk... i'd love to
I need help to lol and we could help eachother!!
let me know =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): My mom once went out with a married guy who claimed he was trying to get a divorce from his wife. You can believe what you want, but is he really wanting to leave her or they are still working things out?
He may be just using you as a back up when things are not going so well with her. It is clear he is not trying and not telling you the whole truth of the situation. He is still married and acting single by going out with you? It is like he is trying to have the best of both worlds, which is not right.
If you were first, he would put you first and would have ended it earlier with his wife.
Now going back to what my mom did to get out of this was ask him to get a final divorce before seeing her again. She never heard from him again, and then met my dad.
You deserve better then this, and he is just playing you. A better guy is out there for you, so just enjoy your life. You have a lot of time to do things in your life, get a career, travel, etc. Don't waste anymore time on this guy, as he is only going to hurt you if you stay any longer.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 April 2009):
I'd play it safe and stop seeing him for a while.
You are the one with it all to lose here. He could very well lead you on and then hurt you badly.
Tell him you really want to be with him, but not while you are going to be "the other woman."
Yes he's separated, but she still is close enough to him to get annoyed by photos and then he puts her first and gets you to hide your relationship away from her.
If he was serious about you then he would put you first.
He could easily talk to his wife, convince her that a divorce is the best thing and then they could have a very quick and fairly cheap divorce. It's just signing papers if there are no kids involved! The rest they can work out themselves.
The fact he won't even try is very worrying and I think you should be very careful.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I would let his wife ventilate to me. You have a choice to believe and feel what you want, so I would listen to her take and get informed of at least her viewpoint. This could be a valuable resource. Don't say much, don't disclose your own feelings and thoughts, don't share your relationship or what your boyfriend is, just listen. And maybe you may pick up something valuable.
Your language indicates they are both considering reconciling. She doesn't want a divorce, and he has an excuse for not getting a divorce. They communicate to each other.
Do you see the signs?
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