A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound.. different.Ok so I started dating a guy who was really quiet at first. Somehow, despite the silence, we fell hard in love with each other. And now that things are becoming a little more serious, and he's talking more and opening up, just about everything that comes out of his mouth pisses me off.I wouldn't say that I am a jealous kind of girlfriend, but I'm also not like open-relationship status either. All he seems to talk about is the girls he's been with in the past, or the models he's infatuated with online. If that were the only thing, I would probably watch their dirty videos with him. Porn doesnt really bother me. Ive watched it with boyfriends before. But its not the only thing. Im a small girl. he tells me he prefers full figure girls. he tells me when he has wet dreams or how he makes an effort to lucid dream so he can have sex in them. he tells me when he hangs out with other girls and stuff, girls we both agreed were over-sexed etc. Im not sure if hes trying to get a reaction out of me, if maybe I gave him the impression due to my lack of reaction that I like hearing about the stuff, or if he really is that big of a douche bag to not care about what bothers me.he spends a great deal of time on his phone, which I cant bitch about because me and many other people in this world enjoy spending time on their phones, its just he wakes up and goes straight to his phone and is on it constantly. he talks to his baby mother several times a day. He knows when she goes to the store, when she visits family etc. they talk all day long. But he could be there if he wanted to be. hes here with me instead. that makes no sense. He spent 2 days straight on his phone one time and when I said something, he acted like I was telling him he couldnt use his phone at all. i just dont think he understands that the stuff starts to bother me after a while. I told him that i would leave him if he went and had another sleep over at his baby mother's house where he says he was just visiting his kids a few months back when we almost started getting serious, and he said I was trying to come between him and his kids. its a few big things like that, and a bunch of little things, with not very many good things aside from the sex and connection we subconsciously feel towards each other. I showed him a picture of one of the teen moms who has red hair because I wanted to go red, and he sent me some big booty model with redder hair saying he liked her better. I was pointing out hair, not the chick. like its everything that pisses me off anymore. I try to get reassurance that he thinks Im pretty or sexy, but his sense of humor turns it into a joking insult reply. then theres other times when he seems surprised that im not reacting. like when he took me to his friends house for new years he was for some reason surprised I was happy to get out for a night. Its like he looks for small reactions and then gives big reasons to get them. We try to have a conversation about random stuff, like being a school teacher, and he turns it into a conversation about how he wished their would have been more hot teachers that screwed students when he was in school. like he always talks like that. this is a guy who gets upset when foreign people write "pretty" on my facebook photo. Then again, maybe I opened the door for this sort of stuff with the things I do, like I gave him a bj while he watched a porn clip that I chose. I wasnt trying to push for a lesbian orgy, was just watching a little porn. I cant tell if he is doing it on purpose or what motive would be behind it. maybe theres something Im doing to make him jealous and this is his reaction? maybe hes one of those behavioral deficit people who do this to gain their own reassurance? Surely its basic knowledge that females do not want to hear about such stuff, right?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 January 2016):
 Please stop trying to figure him out. He's a horny adolescent boy trapped in a man's body. I don't know why you aren't bored stiff with him by now.
It's not what you want to hear but he and this relationship are going nowhere. You can explain til the cows come home but it won't find fertile ground in his head.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): The games you've described is the narcissistic and sadistic behavior of a player. He finds a woman who will cling no matter how dirty he treats her, and he will find a string of women just like you; and play games with your weakened minds.
Minds that were strong at first, but will weaken and deteriorate as time progresses; as his abuse becomes more sordid and dark. Narcissists feed on your energy. They will build you up and tear you down, feeding on your despair like a vampire. Their approach is sneaky and slowly toxic.
It slowly eats away at your self-esteem.
If you know what best for you, you had better get out of this relationship before he screws up your brain.
He's playing you and the other women the same way, at the same time. You're all collectively intoxicating that egotistical assh*le with narcissistic-supply.
You're sticking around to listen to the bullsh*t; so why are you complaining?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): You are just dating a jerk, that is all.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2016):
 I think he tries to get a reaction out of you. He is probably insecure with himself and he is trying to make you feel insecure as well. He may have been quiet to begin with but he is showing who he really is now. Sweetie you just need to open your mouth and tell him that it is hurtful the way he says he likes curvy girls when you are small. Tell him it is hurtful when he talks about other women sexually. Be open and honest with him or else you will just resent him if you keep letting this eat away at you.
As for him talking with the mother of his child well this would concern me a great deal. Off course they need contact when it comes to the child but anything outside of that should be avoided. Him staying over is a huge no/no. Maybe suggest that you both take the child over night and maybe you could try bonding with his child as well, that is off course if you see this relationship working.
Watching porn I do find is harmless but he is taking it way to far, its not healthy for you, it will in the end make you very unhappy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2016):
 He sounds pretty immature and insecure to be honest.
And I'm not really sure why you waste your time with him. He was quieter in the beginning, I BET, because he KNOWS from experience that his attitude towards women is SORELY lacking.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2016): Dump him he is emotionally abusing you.
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