A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi dearcupidI need some advice before moving further with the man I'm dating. He's really nice and we get on so well, he has already told me he loves me after 6 months. It was a meeting through friends, but not planned or anything. I am worried that he is divorced with a child. I don't know if I should form a relationship with someone who already met their "match" and got married and had a child. I feel as if he already "chose" and I would be the second choice if we married. From what I understand she cheated on him and he divorced her, so in his case if she hadn't done that maybe they would even still be married? I also want to get married and have a family eventually, so I'm not saying I don't want to "waste time", just that I should not spend time in relationships that are going to be wrong for me because of how I feel. Then better to move on. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): It sounds very "me me me" and he needs to find someone less self absorbed who will accept his kids. I think you are far more wrong for him than he is for you. He is a nice guy and deserves equal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Where do you get the idea that he met his match from if he`s divorced? She wasnt his match that`s why they aint together. I think you should let him go for his sake.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (27 August 2012):
 He may have got married to her, after being turned down by another woman two years previous to meeting his ex wife. If so, then that makes you "third" best. Who knows? If you had met a dream guy before the guy you are second best for, then you would not be with him now. What does that make him? With your way of reasoning you may be single for the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): To be totally honest with you it sounds like you are suffering from retrospective jealousy. Yeah, I think due to the way you think, you would be doing "him" a favor by moving on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): I would not be concerned that his ex wife is his lost "soul mate" unless he is making expression that he still has unresolved feelings for her. Truthfully, over half of marriages end in divorce and It simply does not work out sometimes. As with any loss, people must move on to be happy and not live in the past. If the past is the past for both then there is a chance for a future with someone else.The big questions you might want to consider,Can you embrace and love this child as part of your family for the rest of your relationship since he comes as a package deal?For many years ahead, you will have some interaction with the mother, holidays, graduations, birthdays, grandchildren? She will be part of your life as long as he has a child with her?If the the answer is, no, move on? Spare yourself some time and feelings and find one that his right for you and give him the chance to find the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Apologies for the typo, lapse in concentration lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): You wouldn't be second best to his ex wife. They're divorced, she obviously wasn't the one for him...I think that's the way to look at this situation. Its not like not like he's still married, but having an affair with you, he's doing things by the book.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I think if you believe the myth of "the one" and that you will always feel second best to a woman he no longer chooses to be with (he could have stayed with her even if she cheated many spouses do stay and work it out)... then you are better off ending it now. It's kinder to him and easier on you.
You are not second. You are different.
I'm getting married in six weeks to a man I love who I am totally committed to... he's never been married. He will be my fourth husband.... and yet he's very happy that he has me now.
my father, a widow... met his current partner 3 months after my mother died nearly 17 years ago.... they are still together... he loved my mother and yet he has room now to love another....
the truth is however, if you feel this way, you never should have dated a divorced man with a child in the first place. Now he's in love with you, if the child knows you, the child is just as hurt that you are gone...
yep I agree, move on.... based on how you feel.
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