A
male
age
26-29,
*romitizer
writes:Hay everyone I need help??? Plz. If u can help u see I'm dating this girl and we are togeter for 4 mounths and she has a brother now I hafe a problem I'm getting feelings for him and I don't know wy I feel this way I am so sceard plz help???????????????? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): You need to answer a few questions and I can try and help you. Don't panic, and don't be scared. I'll assume the feelings are both physical and emotional.
How old are you? Have you ever had sex with a female? Have you ever had feelings, or sexual attraction, to other guys before?
I would recommend that you ignore the feelings you have for the brother, for two reasons.
One being, you are already in a relationship with his sister; and it is foul to be focusing any attention on another member of the same family. It creates bad-blood between family members. The situation will go ballistic; if it is discovered you have gay-feelings for her brother! She
trusts you.
The other being, and more importantly, you are in a false relationship with his sister. Your feelings can't just shift from her to him on a pivot; if you really wanted to be with her.
If you claim you're caught in-between, I won't buy it. You have one, but want the other. That's why you're scared.
Pretending to have an interest in her, and just by coincidence you are attracted to the brother instead.
You knew all the long you are attracted to men.
Not acceptable. Time for you to go.
Place her in the "friend-zone" immediately.
You have emotional issues that require your attention. She is an innocent by-stander. Her feelings are important too. Her brother may smash you for breaking her heart. Unless you are certain he is gay. Then you're just with her, for him.
You now have to cool the relationship down. Be honest and let her know that you don't feel you are able to keep the relationship going. I don't believe you ever really had feelings for her. You were just dating; because it is expected of you. I am a gay man, and well-experienced.
You may not feel ready to let anyone know. I strongly suggest that you don't. It's too soon to make a public announcement. You have to come to terms with how you feel first.
Do not tell either of them how you feel. It won't help.
You'll stir up nothing but trouble, and upset them both.
Someday, you can tell her the truth. Now isn't a good time.
It's too soon, and you have to get your head around it.
When in such a situation, there is no where to go but out.
There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You have discovered that you may be gay, or bisexual. You are in a situation where nothing should, or can, be done; but to remove yourself before it becomes a problem for everyone.
Gay feelings do not suddenly spring out of thin air. I am gay, and I know better. You may hide them in denial, or ignore the urges; but you know from a very young age if you're attracted to the same sex. You should not be ashamed. It is your nature, regardless of the crap bigots and homophobes may preach. Cruel attacks will not change your true nature and sexual orientation.
You may need to end the relationship with this girl; because she is investing all her feelings in you. She doesn't need you hanging around all gaga over her brother.
Girls can be pretty intuitive and they pick up clues and signals that you may think they're not aware of. If you suddenly lose interest in her, stare at her brother, show him too much attention; or blush when he's around. She will notice. Just like she'd notice if you were checking out other girls.
She knows all your moods and expressions. If you have to be a fake around her; all the more reason to end the charade.
Being close to you for four months allowed her to get used to your body-language, and she knows if you don't seem attracted to her.
So, if you "are" physically and emotionally attracted to her, focus your attention where it belongs. You now know you may be bisexual, and can be attracted to guys.
You should not be in a relationship with anyone; if you decide to experiment with your attraction to men. If your attraction to him distracts you; that is a sign you need to get your ass out of this situation before you hurt someone.
Don't be upset. You may have resisted your feelings up to now, and you're experiencing your first crush. Please don't act on it. He may not appreciate knowing, and it should be kept to yourself; until you learn how to deal with it in your own mind.
Always practice safe-sex and use condoms with your partners; regardless of gender.
If you have more details, I'll see if I can be of more help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): It could be that theres certain qualities in her brother that you like does not mean that your drawn too or liking her brother, another reason could be your confused about your sexuality and forcing yourself into a relationship yoyou donot want to be in which is unfair on the girl if that's the case then the feelings you have for her brother proberly is more lust then anything
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