A
female
age
36-40,
*isaMarie802
writes:I have been speaking to my ex on the terms of possibly one day working things out if he can fulfil my needs. I have been very open and honest with him about my dating other men until I find what it is that I'm looking for even if it isn't him. He of course is not happy with this but I give him no choice. Now, onto the next man. We've been dating a little over 2 months and he told me he wasn't ready for commitment. Ok fine so I decide to go with the flow, have fun and let loose and just enjoy eachother but being as he wasn't looking for commitment I left my options open and then I met someone else. I met guy #3 about 2 weeks ago. We talk alot and seem to have great chemistry. I enjoy him very much also. Obviously 2 weeks is way too soon to tell if anything can come from this but were getting to know eachother and are getting close quickly. He is looking for a committed relationship (with the right person, never proposed this option to me). So everything was going fine (but confusing on my part, who can handle 3 men??) until recently when guy #2 tells me he loves me and is in love with me however still isn't ready to commit just yet coming out of a 7 yr relationship. This confused me very much because I've been wanting to tell him I love him for quite some time now. So now I'm dating 3 men, 2 who love me and 1 who I can see falling for me. I'm finding this very hard to handle and need help. I've been reading Rori rays columns and she says to date more than one man to keep your confidence, not to get hurt etc... But I'm still hurting because now I feel like I have to choose one for my own sanity! I don't think I'm cut out for this type of dating. And what makes it worse is I don't want to hurt any of them. The only one I'm not being honest with is the third guy I met because were only dating 2 weeks and have not been even close to the "talk" nor have we been intimate. Please help me sort this out because I may lose my mind! Thank you in advance,P.s. There is nothing between the ex and I except phone conversations. No dates, however we have gotten a little "frisky" on the phone. The only one I'm sleeping with is guy #2. There's obviously way more to the story but I'd write a novel to give all of the info so I hope this is enough to give a good idea of what I'm going through and how to handle it. Thanks guys!
View related questions:
confidence, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Sure love is a strong word, but people often misuse those 3 words. Guys say it to get you in the sack, it's said when it's not really true, and people say it out of infatuation. I'm sure you've encountered this in your life before. If he loves you, why isn't he in a relationship with you? Seeing as he just got out of a 7 year one, he doesn't want a relationship. Her just wants a fling, sex. If you are down with this by all means proceed. But know what you're getting yourself into. A FWB, no strings attached deal is what it is, sex. It doesn't go sex then a relationship. Just being real.
Anyways, I wouldn't choose the ex seeing as he has those issues he needs to deal with and conquer on his own. A relationship might not be the best idea right now. Ultimately, it's up to you.
A
female
reader, LisaMarie802 +, writes (19 January 2011):
LisaMarie802 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe ex and I broke up for many reasons. We have been on and off for 4 years but this time I thought it was for good. Idk where to begin with the reasons for us being broken up. Ok well for one he has been having back problems for two years which started him taking pain killers. He had back surgery and is still taking them, it is a problem now and I can't live a life like that. He is not the type to fight for anything he just expects it to come to him and I hate that. He has become emotionally unstable and on top of it financially as well. At the age of 31 he is now back living with his parents. So I feel like were going in different directions in life. I want to move forward and he seems to be moving backwards. I have expressed myself on many occasions even asked him if we can go to therapy to work things out and nothing got through to him. He finally broke up with me when I cried to his mother a out not knowing what to do and being scared of where this drug habit may be going. He couldn't believe I told his mother and felt like I betrayed him. Oh well! I love him and he needs help and his mother loves him so she should know. Ok so now he says he's off of the pain meds going on a month now and is seeing a therapist. Ok good but that's not convincing enough for me. So we're talking but I think he needs to figure things out onhis own before being able to have a healthy relationship and I can't wait around for a "maybe" therefore I'm dating others.
As for guy #2 what about the fact that he said he loves me and is in love with me? He's still just a friends with benefits? To me love is a strong word and after him saying that it made me feel like maybe we should just continue S we are and in time he will get more comfortable with the idea of bein in a relationship again. No?
Then there's guy #3 that I only met two weeks ago. Why does he seem to be everyones choice?
Thanks again in advance! I'm lose and can use all the help I can get here!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): You are officially dating 0nly guy 3..having phone chats with the ex & friends w/ benefits with guy 2 is not dating nor leading anywhere. Plus it sounds like the ex hurt you before so not a good candidate...history repeats itself.
GUY #3
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 January 2011):
If you want to get back with your ex one day why are you dating other guys? Shouldn't you be focusing on working it out with him?
What is it that you want? You don't want to date 3 men but you have to choose.
#1 is your ex and the one you've been most honest with. Do you really want to get back together with him? Why did you guys break up in the first place?
#2 wants a friends with benefits, he just got out of a 7 year relationship and is looking for nothing but a fling. Are you down for that?
#3 wants a committed relationship and you two enjoy your time together. Sounds like a catch.
It's up to you, but I would pick soon before you have none. I'll narrow it down for you, toss out the no strings attached #2 and you're left with the ex and #3.
I say give #3 a chance, your ex has already had a shot.
...............................
|
