A
female
age
30-35,
*unkissed29
writes:I'm in such a mess. I recently broke up with my ex of 2 years, and I met a guy on vacation who I'm sleeping with currently. I still love my ex, but I tried to cut contact with him so that I can move on. However, he wanted to talk a couple of times, and we ended up sleeping together too. There are many complications and stuff that happened, but basically I am seeing both of them right now. They both have feelings for me, and I have feelings for both of them. They do not know that I'm sleeping with both, but they do know about each other. My ex knows that I met a guy (but not that i slept with him), and the guy knows that I recently broke up with my ex. I do not plan on getting back together with my ex, and he knows this. I don't plan on getting serious with the new guy anytime soon, and he knows this too. I still feel guilty and bad because I am used to the whole monogamy thing and being with only one guy morality. Tell me I'm wrong, pathetic, and stupid and whatever, I know... I don't know what to do. I am quite lost. Of course, the standard advice would be to "stop seeing both and focus on yourself" but sometimes things are really complicated. I feel bad but at the same time, I'm also young and having fun getting the best of both worlds. The question is, should I just choose one, keep doing what I'm doing, or try really really hard to stop both? Thanks for your time.
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): You don't have the best of both worlds and you know it. When one or both find out it is over.
Maybe you should distance yourself from both of them while you make up your mind?
A
female
reader, terilmicks  +, writes (14 September 2011):
The answer lies in you. Imagine how you would feel if you were in one of their shoes. My rule with an Ex is simple, if you were ever in love, you cannot be friends. So dont kid yourself that you will sit and just talk with your EX. He is your ex, there is a reason you broke up and you should identify it first before moving back to him. Oh and this other guy is he a rebound or you really have feelings for him. My advise is step back and find out what you truly feel. Because at the end of the day you can not have your cake and eat it too. Be true to these two guys, but most of all, stop lying to yourself, you are simply scared of being alone. Yet, you will not know how you truly feel until you step back for sometime.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): To be honest, I think you are just hurting yourself sleeping with these two men who probably are just enjoying the sex you offer and no more. It's almost impossible to go from sex buddy to a relationship so I wouldn't feel guilty at all because neither of these guys are offering you commitment.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (14 September 2011):
Whatever you decide to do, work out a way to stop the lying. That is the thing that is causing you to feel in a mess. Someone once said to me, if you don't lie to anyone then no one can touch you.
You say you are "having fun and getting the best of both worlds" but it doesn't sound like fun to me, it sounds like stress. And what is the best of both worlds actually mean? I wouldn't like to be in your situation!
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