A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am crazy about this friend of mine and I don't know if he knows it or not. We have been flirting back and forth since last 2 years and met a few times. Everytime I meet him, there is some or the other problem and I do know he is really busy with his work and family issues. We live in differnt cities so it's not always possible to meet.Last time we met, he was comimg back from abroad trip and was quite jetlagged. We made out, talked a bit and he slept off. I made time and efforts to come all the way to see him..I was understanding of the situation and didn't react.Yesterday we had plans to meet and spend a day together. He was coming back from a foreign trip and jetlagged again! He was excited to see me, made plans over texting, stayed back in my city as well but when i went there, he told me he need to leave in a few hrs..I took off and came all the way again..I still thought it's okay and wanted to spend those few hours with him but he again slept or kept watching TV. I was the one trying too hard to make conversations, initiating everything..I felt hurt. He has told me a number of times he is shy and introvert and feels kind of conscious around me. But how can I dismiss every situation assuming he is like that only. I waited for him for an hour outside just to say goodbye to him..he knew I had been waiting but didnt even bother to stay back for 5 mins for me..he just left. I am so hurt, I made plans and was so looking forward to see him. I dont deserve to be treated like this.. everytime i react, he says Im oversensitive ..and i dont want to come off as needy.What do I do? I really want to text him and say something about how I felt and what's wrong but I don't know what to say and if I should? Also, i dont think he is unaware that I have strong feelings for him although I never said it so avoid making things awkward between us. Sorry for the long post but I really dont know what to do with this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): @wiseowl
The issue is..I have confronted him about this many times before and I always get the same response - 'are you crazy, I feel special and I am into you'. I asked him to feel free and just be my friend but he denied it and went ahead to make plans and meetup. I know it's not going anywhere and I'm so confused. I agree with honeypie, I will just end this and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): People don't flirt over the course of two years and there is no solid romantic-connection established. He is totally uninterested, yet you pursue aggressively; because you want what you want. Even when you see he's not that into you.
Now the challenge becomes convincing him how wrong he is.
If you really look at it, you have been persistent; because he hasn't had the heart or balls to flat-out reject you. Possibly he's a coward, or just doesn't want to hurt your feelings. He clearly doesn't seem to want a romantic relationship with you. He's hoping you'll give up in frustration. Using shyness as an excuse. Every step forward you take, he takes two steps back.
Some women take rejection from a man scornfully, or it destroys their self-esteem. In either case, the reaction is highly emotional. Most men avoid these emotional reactions at all costs. To some degree you are being manipulative knowing he is being careful with your feelings. You can't wear him down, or force him into submission, if it isn't meant to be. Why should it be so hard?
Move on and look for love someplace else. Stop allowing him to string you along, because the sex might come in handy in a pinch. So far, sex as bait hasn't worked. So stop offering it.
I have to be tough with you; because this is a matter of the heart, and we don't see straight. So I have to clear the clouds. His validation and approval is too important to you. See it for what it is. This only goes as far as the limits of the friend-zone. His flirtations are just mirroring your advances. He's only pretending to be cute.
He's a wuss and a wimp, if you ask me.
I've said it many times before. Transforming friends into lovers is risky business. There is an unpredictable outcome that most often doesn't workout; because the chemistry is wrong to begin with. It's fishing in a barrel, because it's convenient, and offers no challenge when you've got the bird in a hand.
If you can't detach your romantic-attraction; then you must end the friendship entirely to get over him. Don't frustrate yourself with yearnings for someone who isn't reciprocating your feelings. His actions conflict with his words. Otherwise, you wouldn't be so frustrated that you've written for advice. Truth is, you already know the answer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 August 2016):
 I'd say stop being the one who makes all the compromises. Seems like he thinks all HE has to do it show up. YOU will do the rest.
It also seems like HE is not as into you, as you are into him. Being shy has nothing to do with that. All this bending over backwards for HIM, doesn't help you. It just makes it easier for him to treat you in this dismissive way.
I know you said you like him, but... IF this is how you feel around him and how he treats you, maybe that is the reason nothing further have happened in 2 years.
Also the planning is sucky. Meeting up when he is jet-lagged? No wonder all you get a tired guy.
I'd go back to JUST being friends and look elsewhere for a BF.
I think you are totally wasting your time on him.
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