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*est21
writes: Hi I'm im 2nd Year Medschool n I'm 20. I shifted to this university 4 months ago, and everything was perfect.. until 2 months later..This guy 'A' in my class would keep messaging me, and finally asked me on a date. Well..we went for coffee twice and when he would say it was a date I would say 'No it isn't- its just coffee' but we'd flirt and everything. Now, 3 weeks ago, there was a college party and I got to know that he was 'linked' to 2 other females 'B' and 'C'. The other girls kept teasing 'c' about 'A'. They also told me that all the guys were teasing 'A' about me - so much so that at the party when he got up to come over and talk to me all the other guys started yelling his name - they do that for any guy who likes a female and is going to talk to her. Anyway, 2 days later I got a chance to talk to 'A' alone - and asked him about this. He told me he was going out with 'B' earlier - 6 months ago, but then suddenly one day she stopped talking to him. Earlier, he had mentioned that when he was going out with this girl (He didn't tell me who it was then) that one day she had asked him for his mobile, went through his messages and seen some message he had sent to someone else and got mad at him and after that things with her went 'downhill'. He refused to say what exactly it was. As for 'c' - who is in my class - he said since they joined college together he'd been 'linked' to her by others. I asked him if he'd asked her out, and he said yes. When I asked him why their relationship didn't progress, he said it was coz she had 'restrictions' - like family and culture. Now, she's a muslim, so I guess thats what he meant. But none of their families are in the country. I also think she likes him coz right in the beginning of college she had told me that he was one of the few people in college she could 'talk to'. I asked him if he was 'over her' and he said he would always want her as a friend for the rest of his life, and when I asked if she'd agree to go out with him, he said 'Well hey - I'm open'. He told me no one had ever asked him so many questions and he wasnt completely comfortable with it. I know it was really soon in the relationship to have such a serious talk, but I really had to know..Anyway, afer that day, when he messaged me, I couldn't reply - coz we had exams and my parents don't let me sms during exams. We never spoke about this, (it was 2 weeks ago) but he never smsed again. At college, we'd talk as if everything was fine, but he stopped waiting for me at the bus stop. Also, during lunch he'd go with her to the canteen. In fact, as they stay next door to each other - campus houses for all the students - he goes over to her place almost every day. They come and go from college together in the bus as well.Does he actually like her more than he's letting on? In college when I joined 3 months ago, a lot of guys kept asking me for my number and smsing, but now they've all stopped coz they think 'A' and me are going out. I don't mean to boast, but I know I look better than her - and I usually come 2nd in class so I know I'm not dumb - so why does he like her more? Was he only leading me on? Some part of me thinks he just wanted to ask me out to see if I'd go out with him - like some kind of score coz so many other guys wanted to go out with me but never had the guts to ask. Once when he asked me to go for a movie, I said no, he just shrugs and says 'fine it's upto you' and lets it go like he doesn't care. I've never had a boyfriend before, which alot of people find hard to believe, but its coz I've wanted to concentrate on my studies. Now I see my brother who is 2 years older going out with 4 girls at a time, and I'm really lonely - which is the only reason I agreed to go out with 'A' in the first place. I think I'm really starting to like him now.. but I'm afraid its too late. I want to be the only one on his list, coz for me loyalty is TOP priority. I know his relatioonship with 'C' will never go to physical, because of her restrictions, but still.. she reads his messages and they are in constant contact. i can't stand it!!! What do i do?.. try and forget about him (I'm really lonely so I don't really want to, and he IS nice to talk to) or ignore her and go out with him (I HATE being 'the other one' - I feel like he's using me)? I go an sms from him late last night -- after 2 weeks of him not messaging me, saying only 'hey are you awake' - but I'm SURE it was directed to 'c' and sent to me by mistake -so I didnt reply, thinking I'd ask him about it today at college - but he was with her the whole time so I couldnt and now I can't even ask him about it coz we have a week of holidays now = and I'm not going to be seeing anyone from college coz after that we have exams. And every day he's going to be going over to her house to 'study' and if he doesnt even message me-- I don't know what I'm going to do!!!.. Help!!!Oh - he once said I intimidate him and everyone around thinks I'm 'sweet' and 'innocent' but -- I have no idea how - they're still 'intimidated' by me - think I have a 'strict' look. But they still consider me a 'babe' -- I'm completely confused. What do I do? Do I sms him? What do I say? How do I get 'less intimidating'? Why do guys think I'm 'sweet' but get scared to ask me out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): "I've never had a boyfriend before, which alot of people find hard to believe,..." I dont find it that hard to believe. The guy expresses interest in you and you cross examine him and make him feel like a heel. Then he contacts you twice more and you blow him off both times. You really do need a personality make over. Start with a whole new guy. Go into it knowing you just want to date, not start a big romance. There is no pressure. Just be friendly and flatter him. And dont go over thinking everything. Your whole note with the A,B,C stuff shows that you way over think, and probably overspeak and question. Thats probably off putting to guys.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): "I've never had a boyfriend before, which alot of people find hard to believe,..." I dont find it that hard to believe. The guy expresses interest in you and you cross examine him and make him feel like a heel. Then he contacts you twice more and you blow him off both times. You really do need a personality make over. Start with a whole new guy. Go into it knowing you just want to date, not start a big romance. There is no pressure. Just be friendly and flatter him. And dont go over thinking everything. Your whole note with the A,B,C stuff shows that you way over think, and probably overspeak and question. Thats probably off putting to guys.
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