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age
36-40,
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writes: My boyfriend(30) and I(25) have been together for almost a year now. We have been living together for the past 7 months. He seperated from his wife over a year ago and has just finalized his divorce at the beginning of summer. Yay! However, I have never been married. We each have a child from previous relationships (they get along great). Chemistry between him and I was awesome from the start, but then we moved in together. Seeing as I have never co-habited with a man before it was definately a huge change in my life; one that I'm still working thru. Obviously things aren't perfect and we argue (ALOT). I love him and he means the world to me, but he is the one I worry about. Last evening we got into a arguement about our future. He pretty much summed up our relationship as just 'chilling' out. Saying he's not looking to get married again (seeing as he has been thru divorce) and that there is nothing wrong with just living together and not marrying me. I'm thining to myself- why did I move 60 miles away from my family and friends if we are just 'chilling'. When we first got together he said he wanted to take things slow. I agreed! However, he extended the opportunity to move in together and I thought this would be the next step to our life together. No not rushing to get married, but simply having a home. The first few months we lived together he expressed his love for me saying I'm everything he has ever wanted. Then a few days ago he told me he was starting to be in love with me again. What? I realize things are never perfect with any relationship, but this was confusing to me. During our argument last evening I reminded him what he had said about being 'in love' again and he batted it down- with the attitude like no no don't get your hopes up girl...'I said I think I could be in love with you again'. Ugh. I realize maybe he doesn't want to be vulnerable, but playing these games with my heart and head hurt!!! What should I do?
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female
reader, Lotsalove.  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 I can understand why you are so confused. Living together is a BIG next step! Especially in a year of being together, but then each couple are different. The fact that he wanted to take things slow (obviously from just leaving a marriage) is acceptable, but to then ask you to move in with him after 5 months is defintely not taking things slowly.
Living together is a sign of commitment, a sign of moving forward. He's just come out of a bigger commitment, No offence but the last thing he should be doing is throwing himself into another one. This is probably a good reason as to why he's saying your relationship is just 'chilling out'. BUT he should have told you he isnt looking to re-marry etc before he asked you to move in with him, especially 60 miles away.
If YOU want to get married somewhere in the future and have more children etc, then its best you move on now. You may love this guy and wanted a future with him, but hes just made it clear that that future doesnt exist. It's time you told him what you want and need, and if he can't/doesnt want to give you that, then you've hit a dead end and like i said, its best to move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): look it shows what he is trying to do he looks like he is only staying with you to make his ex wife jealous if he said these things you need to sit down and talk about things he said, if he said he didnt mean it you need to consider having a break remeber you have children you need to think about good luck
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male
reader, muffyny  +, writes (4 August 2010):
Things are pretty messed up for you. But there is nothing you can do but just sit back and enjoy your moments with him and don't push your luck. He is in a transition period and may be illogical.Everything will shape it up by itself. Some little empathy is a big relationship saver. But he has to this empathy anyway. Just retreat and enjoy your game.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 U guys are not on the same page..think about what u want..Sounds like to me u want a home and marriage. He however doesnt being as he just went through a divorce. He wants to do the whole living together bf, gf seeing how things go situation. I dont think he's playing headgames he's just not ready for marriage right now and wants to give it a lot of time. Now ask yourself is he the one, is he worth waiting for? You guys are also rushing things by moving in together just after 5 months..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): I hate to break it to you, but rebound relationships often don't work out. Your man has been through an emotional and financial ringer of divorce. He has a child from a previous relationship he also has to support. Why would he sign a piece of paper that would entitle you to future financial claims against him in a divorce proceeding, when you already moved in with him and gave him everything he could get from a marriage - for free. Of course, he has what he wants - but you don't. You know the saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I would move out and get a place of your own. Don't cut him off - continue to see him if you want, but be willing to see others, as well. He may be commitment shy for a very, very long time or perhaps permanently, and you don't want to waste your good years on that uncertainty!
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