A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Guys I don't know where to start and I'm so confused but I guess I try from the beginning . 6 years ago I met my best friend and my girlfriend and my first love but we are both closet cases but most people have assumed that we are an item. The last two years I've felt so confused about my sexuality I suppose the fact that a lot my friends have settled down and are starting to have children and I suppose part of me questioned myself and where my life is going. The result of this on couple nights out with either work or school friends I've kissed a man nothing more or less. I've gone back to my girlfriend and pretended nothing has happened and she loves me and adores me and I'm disgusted with myself for being untrue. Part me felt good as I got to pretend to my friends that I am normal but when reality kicks in I feel depressed at how I've let my girlfriend down. I can't see myself with a man as I know I won't be genuinely happen but think only for this breakout that I have come to this decision. I love my girlfriend very much and she knows me more than I know myself . I don't know wether not to tell her and risk losing her or step out and be myself and try get rid of the confusion of living a double life. The whole thing depresses me at how I've managed to mess things up
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female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (1 November 2013):
 You are not alone this is a mistake many young gay people make.
You should tell her the truth and make sure she knows not only why you did it but why you can promise her you wont do it again. You need to do some work on being happy and content with who you are and feel lucky for what you have with her instead of worryibg what you may be missing.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (1 November 2013):
 as a gay female myself, i have witnessed this happen on multiple occasions. in fact, i had sworn to myself i would never again date a woman who wasn't certain of her sexuality, as it's blown up in my face many times before just like this, with them cheating on me with men because of denial of who they were. yet here i am, once again dating a woman who has never been with a woman before. lol. but my girlfriend is truly wonderful. i got very lucky.
anyway.
you say clear as day that you can't see yourself with a man. that you wouldn't be genuinely happy. you also have an amazing girlfriend at home who treats you great. so what exactly are you questioning?
you have to ask yourself what you're so afraid of. you mention wanting to feel "normal." but you should try to realize that being gay or straight isn't what makes you normal or abnormal. it's just your sexual preference. i'm gay and i know i'm as normal as can be. i live my life just the same as everyone else. i have a job, pay bills, hang out with friends. and when my girlfriend and i go out with our straight friends and their partners, no one tells us we're different or in the slightest way make us feel different. and even if they did (which would make them shitty friends), i KNOW who i am and i KNOW that i'm not. the only person who can make you feel different is YOU. you are the only person who can allow yourself to be made to feel different or less than.
your insecurity is preventing you from your own happiness. you are being your own worst enemy. i hope you can recognize this before it's too late and you lose your girlfriend.
i urge you to embrace who you are and not live in insecurity. i urge you to not be so afraid of what others think. and to be honest, most people don't give a damn. the sooner you embrace who you are, the sooner you can start being happy.
oh, and you need to come clean to your girlfriend. she deserves to know the truth. and i feel pretty confident that she will be understanding. it will hurt her, but i think she will forgive and all will be good in time, as long as you don't do it again.
or hey, you could always keep on trying to be "normal" and live the straight life and wind up miserable. i hope you want more for yourself than that, though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): Just talk to her. If she loves you then she'll understand that you might want to experiment a littke bit more and wait for you. Who knows, telling her might also result in you finding your true feelings for her. Hooe I helped andgood luck :D?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2013):
 Sounds like you WANT to be straight but you could be bisexual. It happens. The thing is if you are SO curious about what it could be with a man, then YES, you need to tell her. SHE needs to know what is going on with you.
Talk it over with her.
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