A
female
age
36-40,
*h23
writes:I had my heart broken by my long term boyfriend a year ago and have dated since but haven't had a relationship or slept with anyone. I don't want him back and haven't seen him since we broke up.There is a man I like who likes me. I've know him for about a year as an acquaintance and started to have feelings for him aout 5 months ago. I am really shy and never make the first move so I didn't do anything about it. About 3 months ago he suddenly started flirting with me. At first I didn't realise (my friend had to tell me he liked me!) and then I was too shy to flirt back. When I did get my act together he'd given up. I actually finally asked him out the other day (by text message) and he said yes! The problem is now I'm not sure if I'm ready for getting involved with anyone new again. I'm really messed up emotionally from my ex and whilst I don't want him I'm definately not over him. I really like this new guy but I'm really scared or getting close to someone and sleeping with them. But I do want to!To further complicate matters I'm leaving in a couple of months to go backpacking and know I won't see this guy again, so it can't be a long term or serious relationship. If I don't act fast it'll never happen. Should I go on a date with him? And should I tell him how I feel (as in how scared I am)? Or should I tell him how I feel but explain I'm not in the right place emotionally to get involved?
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Listen at the end of the day honesty is the best policy, how long are you going backpacking for?
If you like someone a lot then you need to let them know as life is far too short. Perhaps you could say how you really like him and you fear that there are still a lot of emotional issues you have about your past relationship but at the same time you are no longer interested in your ex. It could sound a little mixed up to this guy but I think honesty is always the best place to start.
OK you have been shy and that is OK, you were badly hurt by your ex but don't judge everyone by him. You have not seen your ex since and you feel very vunerable about dipping your toe in the water, who is to say that by going on an innocent date with this guy won't lead to anything further. Tell him your future plans and see what he says but at the same time tell him how much you like him and you wanted to be honest and upfront with him instead of leading him up the garden path, you could say look I don't expect you to wait for me but when I get back? i.e. whenever that might be, if we are both still free perhaps we could meet up for a drink or meal , see what he says, he can say YES or NO.
OF course he could meet someone while you are away but so could you, in that way you are not asking for him to wait for you but you understand that both of you may be in a different place when you get back.
You could have a really great time with him though for the next couple of months and why deny yourself that, it really is up to him once he knows the truth. Are you emigrating btw?
BFN
Country Woman
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