A
male
age
36-40,
*edordead
writes:I'm kinda delicate now so go easy... My girlfriend and I have been going out for three years last September, and even before that we had been friends for about six years. She went away to University when we had been going out for two years and even though things were hard to start off with we worked our problems out and I went to visit her loads which was great fun.Before she went away, it seemed like she could take it or leave it and always seemed to be planning her life (job, gap year) without taking me into account, and I thought going away to University was just another off-shoot of this. Given that she seemed to act like this I decided that I wouldn't wait around for her to be with me and made plans to take a gap year myself and go to New Zealand. I really didn't want to regret not doing anything when she was sailing off into the sunset without me!She found her first year particularly hard and considered dropping out many times with depression. I always happily stuck by her and tried to be there for her all the time. In this time her attitude seemed to really change and she suddenly seemed to want our future to be clearly marked out and for us to move in together as soon as she graduated and to be instantly together. I feel confused as she really wasn't at all like this six months ago.When she got back for Christmas at the start of December we argued every time we met, in anticipation of me going away in January. Because of this we have kind of decided just to pause things in the mean time while I'm away to New Zealand. But we still speak every day on the phone and have met up since this. She wants us just to fall back into place when I get back but I don't think I just want things to be automatically as they are now because I am really unsure if its right between us.While she has been away and we have been arguing and not talking I have kind of been getting closer to another friend who seems to have almost replaced the emotional relationship I had with my girlfriend. I can easily see myself falling in love with this friend but I'm not sure what to do about any of it. I'm scared of hurting my girlfriend so much that she won't even be my friend when I come back! Im scared to take a chance with the friend in case things don't work out and then I'll look back and regret making the wrong decision! I think I still love my girlfriend but I don't know if were better friends than a couple!Any advice you guys could give would be great, how do I know what to do? Either way feels wrong right now!! I'm such a mess about this whole situation, hence the MASSIVE post, and I really feel I need some impartial advice, given that the two people I would usually go to are involved in this! Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, zedordead +, writes (27 December 2007):
zedordead is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks man, that helped. The question was more aimed at whether I want to be with this girl long term or not. I guess I'm probably the only one who can answer that! Thanks though!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Look, moving in together is a big step, and if you have ANY hesitations for whatever reason, do not do it. Period.
If you live together long enough, depending where you live, you will be considered common law marriage. Are you sure you want that?
Beware the convenience of living together...it is not so convenient when you two break up, and she brings over some other date for a sleep over before you had a chance to find a new home.
-Frank B Kermit
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