A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A couple of years ago I had a friends with benefits. It lasted around 2 years, and as far as I was concerned nobody caught feelings. I was doing all the chasing. I think I may have been too easy for him, at the time. It ended due to me seeing a new guy, who became my boyfriend. However me and fwb guy stayed in contact, just as friends. But now I can't help wondering what it would have been like if me and fwb guy made a proper go of it? We seem to have loads in common! I wouldn't cheat so that's not even a concern here, but I can't help thinking about him. Obviously I haven't told him. But I get the impression he thinks the same, or at least part of him does.As soon as I stopped initiating contact when I met my bf, my ex fwb seemed more willing to travel to see me, meet me whenever, whoever suited me. He met my bf once (in a group situation) and I noticed he would not take his eyes off him. He had tickets for a show a few months ago and he had no one to take, I said I couldn't go and asked who was he going to take. His response was that he wasn't sure as his first choice was busy. We meet up every couple of weeks or so for a coffee, nothing more, and it's good to chat. He tells me he always enjoys my company. It's comforting to hear. But also tormenting to hear, in the way that I want to move on and have a meaningful relationship, but the thought at the back of my head wonders whether we could have given it a go as in a relationship. His reason at the time, was he didn't want a relationship, and I kind of know why. He didn't want one with me, at that time at least, I know that because at the time I started seeing him I was already seeing someone else. So there was a trust issue right from the start. I'm not wanting to hear any criticism here about this matter, as it's in the past, and I have truly learned my lesson. I feel disgusted what I did, and totally ashamed, and anyone who knows me knows it's out of character for me. I have learned my lesson from back then, but I do regret the way it was all done. I feel bad for still thinking about my ex fwb, but I can't help it. My question is, is my ex fwb into me? I'm struggling with my feelings here and don't know how to handle it.
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (8 March 2015):
 You broke it off to be with the new guy and now you're harder to chase and he probably likes the chase like any red blooded man and is probably just giving his ego a boost seeing you and feeling better about the fact you broke it off by knowing the contact is still there.
If he wants more at this point, it is kind of tough, unless you and your boyfriend are just not meant to be but only time will tell. Would this guy still be seeing you if you suddenly broke it off with the boyfriend? Maybe, but I don't think you want to find out and A. lose a perfectly good boyfriend and B. go back to a FWB situation, which is probably about all you're going to get from him if he didn't push for anythign more in the first place.
I would knock the coffee on the head and go your separate ways. If he really is THAT into you, he'll say something, but then it is up to your where you want to go from there. Either way, your boyfriend deserves to know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2015): Your situation now is no different then when you were seeing someone else but you hooked up with FWB. In both cases he pursued you untill you gave in to sleep with him. So is again, you get a new guy and he is sizing up the situation to see if he can tear you up for sex once again. As in any FWB, this one is also nothing more then then the service of guy's selfish needs and a foolish hope of the girl that she'll meet her prince by being loose. Just forget about that guy, he is not good for you physically, morally, for your soul nor any good in your new relationship. And you should not allow that dog around in any future social situations around you neither.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2015):
 I think you should stop meeting him over coffee. No one should ban you from having male friends but when it comes to people you've had sex with it's inappropriate. Whether he's into you it doesn't matter. You have a boyfriend now. Men who only make the effort when you have somebody else do so because of ulterior motives. A little bit too late. If you can't chat about normal things without feeling all confused then you know you are still in too deep. You can't even tell your boyfriend it is just some innocent coffee meeting because it wasn't. You were playing with fire.
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