A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:I plan to move to another country for two years in August. The guy who i'm interested is from there. The other girl is as well. The guy started to like me first, but I felt like it was lust for him, and liked me because he was lonely.I wanted to wait and for us to get to know each other better first, so I tried to communicate that to him. He took it the wrong way and thought I wasn't interested in him (I had no idea at that time. I thought he knew I liked him.) He looked pretty hurt.I was actually almost ready to let it all go because I reasoned I wouldn't be staying in that country for a long time and there's no long term future for us. There is no point in getting involved at all, and I don't want drama when I'm over there by myself.He started to go out and meet other girls within the next two weeks (he later explained that he wanted to meet new people...but they're all girls.) The first time I found the pictures I couldn't eat or sleep well for the whole weekend. What was the most painful experience was when the other girl was going to leave for another state, we had a going away party for her. He started to act in a way that seemed like he was really interested in her. I can't tell you have difficult it was to see that. I cried for a few days afterwards.After she left, I finally confronted him and asked him why he did that to me when he knew I was still interested. He said he had no idea. I suppose looking back on it, my signals were to subtle. During our last dinner together with his other friend, he became mesmerized by the cute waitress (who I happened to go to high school with).We agreed to be friends, because he said that he didn't know how he'd feel in six months time. If I'm being a rational level headed person, I would let all of this go and move on. I'm trying. The wounds are still fresh. I'm just not sure how to escape this mess of a drama. What's even more messed up is that he introduced the other girl to me as a friend because she was really lonely. She said she cried in front of him and he wanted to see her smile. It makes me insanely jealous that he could understand her in that way. I know she's just as interested in him as I am. He doesn't know that she is. I suspect/know he began to have feelings for her at her going away party.What do I do? When I go to this new place, I might start to like him again. In fact, I probably will. Although the guy sounds like he's not that into me at the moment and he's not someone who's looking to settle down, he's a good guy. He's sweet, he's got a great heart, we have a good time together, and eventually when he is ready to settle down I think he'd make a great catch. I genuinely laugh when I'm around him and I haven't done that in a few years. It was like I was waiting for someone like him for a long time...I can't seem to let go of the hope that we could've shared something really special.When I go there, the other girl will be there to. He might or might not still be single by then. What do I do? I'm really confused. I really really don't want the situation to be thta he realizes he really cares for the other girl and starts to date her. I will have to see that almost all the time when I'm there. I can't bear to look at them cuddling and etc. I also don't want the situation to go where he does date me and then he realizes that I wasn't the one he truly wanted. I'm just so conflicted right now. I don't want to marry and have kids yet..I'm only 24. Yet I'm not sure if I want to take this plunge and risk getting hurt. The risk factor seems extremely high right now. If I date this guy who's so unsure, I might have to wallow without great friends who understand me to lift me back up in this strange new place. Advice?
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reader, jellybeans20009 +, writes (4 January 2012):
jellybeans20009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, if there wasn't a problem that I didn't feel like I could deal with on my own then I wouldn't have posted on this website. Obviously it hasn't hit a chord with you. To each their own. However, I found your answer has provided me absolutely no help. If I could simply tell myself to get over it I would, but as anyone who is emotionally involved with someone, it can't be done that way. Even though nothing was made official, the two of us at one time invested the hope in each other that there could have been something there. At one point we exchanged a lot of loving feelings toward each other. To lose that can hurt. I don't believe that a person needs to be in a physical relationship in order to have these feelings. Perhaps you've never had that experience before or your beliefs differ, which would then explain your lack of empathy. In any case, I already know what's good for myself. I know that I need time to get over this person and I should take as much time as I need as everyone is different. However, I had hoped to gain some insight from other caring individuals, had hoped to come to peace with it or gained some wisdom in the process. Why? Because sometimes it can be incredibly lonely dealing with heartache on your own and you need all the support you can get. Can't have everything.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 What triangle, the possible triangle, or maybe there wont be a triangle, this guy isnt even involved with you or the other girl, and he ogled the pretty waitress, maybe its going to be a love square not at triangle.
You are looking for problems that dont exist .... you are assuming a relationship that doesnt exist and that you might not even want. In fact you say this
"There is no point in getting involved at all, and I don't want drama when I'm over there by myself"
So there you go, the risk factor is in fact no risk at all, the love triangle doesn't exist and neither does the relationship.
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