A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25 year old guy and I've been single all my life. I've never had a girlfriend, never dated and have never really kissed anyone for that matter. Most everyone I know would say that I'm a friendly, easy to get along with, genuine kind of person. I've even heard that I'm not an unattractive guy on more than one occasion. I have a college degree, stable job, hobbies, and a good group of friends. I'm currently serving active duty in the military and am coming up on my four year mark. I have about a month and a half left on my enlistment and have decided to get out and go back to school .I've always tried to keep my feelings of loneliness at the back of my mind and keep myself busy with other things. After all, there's someone out there for everyone...right? Now I'm not too sure I believe that anymore. As time goes on these feelings are getting harder and harder to ignore.I've slowly become that last single guy in my group of friends. Everyone else that I know is either in a long term relationship, already married, or is soon to be so. I feel like everyone else has moved on with their lives and I've been left behind in the dust. At work whenever the conversation turns to girlfriends or sex (I'm a military cop so this is pretty frequent) I have nothing to contribute, so I just end up sitting quietly while everyone else talks. Even at large family gatherings I'm exiled to the kids table as if not having a partner there with me somehow makes me unworthy or uninteresting enough to associate with my other adult family members.I'm totally out of my element when it comes to girls. It's like I've missed some major waypoint in life. After all, most people learn about attraction and dating while in middle school and high school. Let's face it, after a certain age inexperience is not socially acceptable and most girls find it a turnoff. My inexperience feels like a heavy burden that I have to hide from everyone. It really takes a toll on your confidence and self esteem the older you get. I can't even say that I know how to date let alone anything beyond that. I guess that reality has really started to set in for me. Even I struggle to see why someone would want to date me when no one has in the past. It really has me guessing what if anything I really have to offer anyone after all.It would just be nice to feel desired for once instead of the guy who's considered "just friends" material. I have no close physical contact or intimacy in my life. I have a supportive family and a few good friends, so why does my world feel like such a lonely place? I'm tired of crawling into a cold, empty bed at night just to wake up, put on my happy face and do it all over again the next day. I can't even describe the feeling of coming home from a deployment and having no one there waiting for you.I just want to know what's wrong with me and how I can fix it. I'm confident in other aspects of my life, but I'm totally lost when it comes to girls. They just don't seem to be interested in me. I don't know what to do anymore. It's eating me up inside. Any thoughts?
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at work, confidence, military, never had a girlfriend, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I would advise reading "The Game"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I have confidence that you will find someone. From what you have written you seem to be a well-rounded guy. Don't worry so much about what to say. Just be yourself and take a chance in asking someone on a date. You don't have to be an expert at it. Someone will be attracted to you just as you are. You might get shot down a few times, but it happens to all of us. When you do find the right girl, intimacy will come with time. You can begin by simply kissing the girl and letting her lead the pace from there. Just put yourself out there and ask some girls out or ask your friends to set you up. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 A stable home, a provider is not all that a woman wants. A woman also doesn't want a man who just stare at them like a predator and go "hehehe." Find a perfect balance. You have wonderful qualities but you can develop your seductive side. I know what kind of women would be interested in you. The more mature women who wants to feel young again. You are good target for a cougar. Go to a bar on a ladies night, find an attractive woman and offer her a drink. It won't hurt to try. No one is telling you to jump into a serious relationship right away. She can teach you a lot about the opposite sex and also sex itself.
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