A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts. I'm after some advice because I'm seriously concerned about my sister. She met a guy two years ago and seems to be in a happy relationship but she has put on so much wait she is unrecognisable and seems unwell.I'm really glad she's happy and I know that lots of people put on weight in a new relationship but my sister has gained gone up at least five dresss sizes, she's out of breath when she walks and has a constant rash which the doctor has told her is because she's overweight. She's in her early 30s and she is now completely unrecognisable from the person she was two years ago. She was also very ill four years ago so I'm also concerned about how this is impacting her long term recovery. The only reason that she seems to have put on the weight is over indulgence nothing untowards.I've said nothing to her up until now but the whole family are worried about her. I'm concerned that the messenger no matter how discreet and well meaning may be tends to get shot.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 You may think she has not noticed but am sure she has. Plenty off us just ignore the fact that we put on weight and go over weight. But if she wants to change then that is up to her. Yes you and your family may very well be worried, but talking to her will only make things worse. She will get defensive, she will feel even worse about herself, and if she comfort eats then she will eat even more.
Maybe you or another family member could suggest that you are joining a slimming group and ask her would she like to come with you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 I actually don't think you should say anything. She is not blind, she knows how she looks. And if as you say, she's even been told by her own doctor that her rash is due to her being overweight, then SHE KNOWS SHE IS OVERWEIGHT. It's unnecessary and hurtful to get this obvious fact pointed out by relatives.
What you can say, however, is that you are concerned about her health, and want to ask her if there is anything you can do to help contribute to her becoming healthier. Accepting help is very difficult for people, but if you figure out some things you can do to help in advance, and then present her with some options, that could be helpful.
I would NOT ask her why she has gained weight. For all you know she could be suffering other conditions and taking medication which has caused the weight gain. I've seen this happen several times, especially with depression and taking "happy pills", they increase the appetite so people eat more and thus gain a lot of weight. To suggest to a person with depression to just "get healthy" is like asking a blind man to see on command. Which is why I want you to be very careful with approaching this matter.
But you COULD ask if it would be helpful for you to cook her some dinners once or twice a week. Maybe make an extra portion and freeze it, then give it to her once a week. A good nutritious home cooked meal once or twice a week could help. Or if it would be good for her and you both to agree on a weekly walk in a park, or somewhere nice to walk. Not working out/going to the gym, because that again is too big of an obstacle. But going for a walk does wonders for the body and the mind. Even a short walk of 20 minutes, to begin with.
But really, if she is not suffering any condition that has caused the weight gain, realize that she is an adult who is responsible for herself. If she's gaining weight then it's her own responsibility, not yours. You can take care of children, but not adults.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 April 2017):
 You could be honest with her and she would most likely NOT want to hear that.
Or you could suggest SHE helps YOU met YOUR fitness goals. That you need a "workout" buddy. Someone to get you off the couch. Now while YOU and I know you are ACTUALLY talking about her... You change the perspective and make it out to be YOUR viewpoint.
Does she have a bike? Do you live where it could be easy to bike an hour a day (or in the beginning 2-3 times a week)?
Or do you live near a pool (and would she GO swimming with you or go do some water aerobics or pool exercise classes?
I suggest those two because they are BOTH gentle on the joints (which it's one of the BIGGEST concerns for overweight people when they FIRST start to exercise).
If you REALLY want to help her, then SHE needs consistency and someone to push her without "pushing" her.
And cooking together is another REALLY good idea. Find some east and healthy recipes to do together, I can suggest looking into diabetes recipes, they are VERY good for weight loss.
One thought though, IS HE into fat chicks?
She wouldn't be the first woman to get overweight at the behest of a partner who has a fetish for fat women. If that is the case, you have an uphill battle that you may not win.
And my last thought, what was she ill with 4 years ago? Maybe THAT is the REAL reason for the weight gain?
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