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female
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anonymous
writes:HI. This is actually about a friend of mine, I hope that's alright. Also, while it is a long story, I'll do my best to keep it as brief and concise as possible. Ok, here goes...This friend of mine is almost 24. She has had two boyfriends, before the present one. Both of those didn't last very long or end on a good note for her. I know that she met bf 2 while in the process of getting over bf 1, and met bf 3 while getting over bf 2. So it seems to me that she just transfers her affections and attention over without really trying to get over it all.Also, she's always very insecure about her looks, her skin, and all that, wishing she was better looking and thinner and all that.While both the previous ones were a yr or two younger than her, this guy was 7 yrs older. He flirted with her, took her out on dates she enjoyed, was really good to her. She held off for a few months. Then one day they made out. From what she told me it seemed like she was feeling very guilty about it. It was understandable to me because she's been the kind of girl who's wanted to save herself for marriage. And it made me uncomfortable that this guy wasn't even ready to give their relationship a name, but was coaxing her into giving herself to him. Prior to this she had only kissed bf1. Then he went away for a month and when he came back, they made out again and it went much further though they didn't "do the deed". While she's been stressing her boundaries (or so she says) he doesn't pay much attention to it, probably because she gives in to him eventually. Now, she knows that their relationship has NO future, she says so herself. He doesn't even acknowledge their relationship in public. I tell her to talk to him about everything bothering her but she won't really do that because she's "learnt the hard way that you shouldn't complain to guys about anything or things go sour"!!!She's always had such a tough time getting over the end of a relationship that I'm afraid she's just going to have it worse this time around. This girl, who's always been the kind to believe in love and giving yourself only to the one you love preferably after marriage, is planning to go on birth control pills before they even do anything because she thinks she may end up doing it. That is, she may give in to his, what I call gentle coaxing. Which is responsible, but it makes me wonder what is happening to her and why is she doing this to herself. I can't tell her not to do it because she will do it anyway if she wants to. And I want her to be able to have someone she can talk to, which is only me, so I don't want to show her any sort of disapproval. Also, she'd think of me as a hypocrite if I told her not to do it. But the thing is the only guys I've slept with are the ones I loved and I knew loved me. But I don't know how to explain to her that I'd only do it if I knew there can be a long-term possibility, without seeming rude and disapproving. I think she's going to end up getting hurt and I don't want to see her going through that again!! Should I just stand idly by, be there for her when she needs me and let her make her own mistakes? I really really need your thoughts and advice on this. IF you want any more info, do ask. I'm so worried for her! Thank you so much for even reading this. I'm sorry if it's too long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, realm. That's great advice. I really needed that. I think I know what to do now...Thanks!!
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