A
female
age
30-35,
*o_in_love
writes:Ok, I apologise in advance for how long this may be.Theres this guy at work, and I am completely obsessed with him and have been for months. He is a complete player, however he showed interest in me. Me, being the stupid person I can be at times slept with him. Twice to be precise. I gave up my dignity. I knew what he was like. And it's most probably my fault I'm now in this mess, but thinking that is not going to help me at all now. I don't know, I thought he might be different for me, maybe even want to start something up. The next week we were out clubbing and he got into my mate right in front of me. I lost my dignity again and due to drunkeness, I cried, yet I still don't know if he saw.He's got into my mates since, and pretty much steered clear after another incident one night when I drank way too much and threw a drink over someone for getting a lovebite off him, which I know was only friendly as they are like best mates. I don't know why I did that, its so out of character for me. As is all of this. Now he completely ignores me, which makes work difficult. But some days he's fine with me. I've now started to find myself spending nights alone listening to sad songs and sobbing to myself. My mates in relationships I can't stand. My best mate can't talk to me about her relationship because anything to do with it I get annoyed. I know I'm only young, but this is hurting. And to me, this is a big deal.I dont know what to do anymore. Theres no one to talk to about this. And he is certainly not the type to want to talk seriously. I see him a lot and it's getting increasinly harder. Please someone, help.Thanks.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Hi, honey, I know your pain all too well. You decided you really liked this guy and you put yourself out there thinking that he really liked you too, and he probably does, he is just emotionally stunted and unavailable....which when he acts out and makes a move on one of your friends and doesn't mind you seeing it it means he is one messed up guy. But you take this as a rejection of you, your mistake is taking this on and internalizing it and making it a part of you. You are letting this guy win, and you are taking over for him and hurting yourself all over again, crying and carrying on and for what? So you had sex with him twice, well OK, don't do that again as you found out you are too sensitive to be a player and thank your lucky stars that you are, you are a quality person with deep feelings and a lot of love to give someone.
Don't ever give your gifts away so easily to someone like this who is charming one minute and a jerk the next.
This is is short coming not yours....because what you might not realize is love and attraction are not just feelings....real love is a mature and concsious choice we make to be worthy of love ourselves....that is right, we put the other person's needs ahead of our own much of the time and we always take them into consideration in the relationship, love is not self serving, but it is self loving to set some boundaries about what you will and will not accept from someone in the way that you allow them to treat you.
Get away from this guy, you are too good for him, go after one of his mates, and then act as if you just don't care.
Try not to sleep around, instead decide to date around, men respect women more who make them wait for sex, they may complain, but secretly that is what they want. They want to feel like they are winning you over a little at a time...
A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 I had just answered a question to someone who had a hard time getting girls, andI told him that many ladies like a good challenge in a guy. I think this applies to you too. It seems you arnt actually obsessed with the guy, but obsessed with the challenge he has become for you. It's thrilling, it's heavy, such an intense feeling, that it's almost like being high. I'm telling you this because sometimes when we understand our feeling from a different level, it helps us to solve our own issues. You seem confused as to why you like this guy, when you know he is bad news. Try to see the ugly side of this guy on a deeper level. He very well could be carrying an STD. He could be making many babies. A player like this dosnt usually last very long in this phase of life. Good luck, I hope I was of some help:)
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