A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so I had dated a guy for 2 years. he had kissed a girl i had been friends with in high school last year. i was kept in the dark for so long, she still partied with him and talked, he even asked me for her number. i didnt have any idea, i thought they were friends. i found out in the summer from one of his friends and he never came clean initially, it was one lie after another. he said he liked the way she made him feel. a couple of days ago i found out a lot more, that he had spent time with her after that without me knowing and asked her to know him her boobs, because mine were "too small" and she claims that he asked her to have sex in the morning cause i never did. She put him on speaker in front of me and he went on to say how i was a waste of time etc. afterward he kept texting her being nice and apologizing while being horrible to me. after everything he texted her and said well at least there isnt anything in the way of us talking anymore. the thing that hurts the most is all the lies and the fact that he had a crush on her all along. He told her that if he wasnt with me he would be with her. i feel so betrayed and heartbroken. he used my insecurities like my small boobs to hurt me. I am a good looking girl, tall, blonde, slender, and everyone always told me i was out of his league but i loved him. now im left wondering and crushed. just a week before he said i was the love of his life and that he could never find anyone like me. i dont get it. im left feeling inadequate.. if any man in the audience could explain why he did this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys all so much.. I not going to let him take power and happiness away from one more second of my life. Thank you for your words of encouragement
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 You ask: "....i dont get it. im left feeling inadequate.. if any man in the audience could explain why he did this?"
First: There's nothing to "get." Many guys are prepared to act like total asses in affairs of the heart. They prey on woman - such as you - who believe that fidelity and faithfulness are an important part of a relationship.... whilest they DON'T (believe it).
Second: You have no reason to feel inadequate. It's no reflection upon you that this guy is such a jerk....
Third: He did it because he is a jerk....
There really isn't much more to it. YOU will do best to reconcile to yourself that this was an unpleasant lesson in a$$hole guys.... but that it doesn't reflect, in any way, upon you....
Then.... get your ultimate revenge, by recovering from his boorish behaviour, and go out and have a GREAT "next chapter" in your life....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I know you think this is somehow your fault. It's not.
you are left feeling inadequate... when in truth he's the one who in inadequate... he needed to string you along till he could have more fun and games with this other girl.
his self-esteem is so low he can't bear to have just one girl.... he wants them all. the mark of a person who is not satisfied with themselves so they make others feel bad too.
One thing you must learn is that it's NOT PERSONAL.... it's so hard to understand how it can't be personal it was a RELATIONSHIP... but the truth is, he brings his own garbage to the table and his bad behavior is about HIM not a reflection of you...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Let me ask you this question:
What if you bought fresh corn on the cob from a certain farmer's market for the past 2 years, and it was the best corn you've ever eaten, but say you never quite felt right after eating it. You didn't even know why you felt off, you blamed it on lack of sleep, or stress, but even though the corn tasted phenomenal, you never quite felt right. It was so gradual and so subtle that you didn't even equate how bad you felt to the corn. All of a sudden, someone tells you that the farmer who grew the corn used a fertilizer that was poison, and you were being slowly killed over time. You could reverse this slow death by never buying that corn again and reporting the farmer??
How would you feel upon the realization that the corn was poison, and that you were still alive when you found out, meaning you were told in time?? You'd feel so relieved that your life was saved and so furiously angry that you were being poisoned.
Your boyfriend is the poisoned sweet corn. You fell in love with him, everything seemed so sweet and good, but subtly, you were being broken down. He kept poisoning you with lies. Your self-esteem was being broken down, and you didn't even figure out the source. You blamed things like your breast size, your desire not to have sex in the morning, your own feelings of not being enough.
The truth is, your boyfriend is the poison. Now he's going to poison your ex-friend and he may try to get back into your life and entice you again with his sweetness after he's done sucking the life out of her. I tell you this, he is disgusting. He is toxic. He was destroying you. It's got nothing whatsoever to do with you.
But you just got out in time before he really hollowed you out, married you and/or had kids by him or destroyed your credit on him. You're lucky this idiot ex-friend of yours revealed the poison that he is.
Now, you knock off this whole self-blame, self-esteem issues and self-doubt. Just stop it right now, because none of these things are the problem. If people like Halle Barry, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, Sienna Miller, Elin Nordegren, Rihanna, and so many more drop-dead-uber gorgeous women have been cheated on by idiot guys, then you can see the real reason why you were cheated on.
Your guy is a bottom-feeding, trash bag, asshat, lowlife, dipshit, parasite cheating man-whore. Your ex-friend is the biggest idiot walking God's green earth. He showed her what kind of horrible guy he is right in front of her by putting you down like that. He is going to do it to her, and at least you didn't know who you were dealing with, but she does. It isn't going to end well for her. Feel pity for her because she has the IQ of a sloth, and feel relief and happiness for yourself because your life has been saved, and there are very good men out there who will worship every centimeter of your breasts and count every time being intimate with you as the best time of his life, no matter what time of day it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Hi, dont waste your time and tears on someone like him. He does not deserve you and you will heal and find someone that will treat you a lot better. He suffers from an inferior complex and use woman to feel good.So pick yourself up and move on to better things, you heart will heal. Also there are men out there who prefer woman with small boobs, so you need not worry about your size. Also the next time you date a guy do not mention your weakness as if human nature that they use it against you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): I have been in your situation. After time passed and I healed and moved on, I realized that he had really low self esteem.
Don't take what he said personally, if you can help it. The previous post is right about that.
Next time, be with a healthy man. Someone who is truly confident and happy with himself. You'll see the difference in how these healthy minded men see themselves and treat the people around them.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 February 2013):
I can tell you exactly why he did this: because he is a selfish asshole.
It's not because your boobs were too small, you didn't have sex in the morning, etc. Those might be reasons that you two aren't compatible, but they're certainly not flaws.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. If he was worth being with he wouldn't have done this to you.
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