A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm being very hormonal right now. Everything is making me cry. Something made me laugh and because I was laughing, I started to cry. My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him and I just can't do it and he's sad over something and trying to distract himself. I feel like a bad person and a bad girlfriend. Why can't I get over this hang up of just saying out loud something I would do physically without a problem? Why am I being so stupid about it? Why can't I say no to him? I just let him talk dirty to me for a while, and I enjoy it but then he asked me to tell him how much I like to do things to him... and I said I couldn't and he asked me to please try for him... and it breaks my heart because I can't do it. What is wrong with me?! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Nothing really, if you enjoy the sex, you enjoy it. Some people are verbal some aren't.
What he would do well to remember is that if a girl has time to remember her lines, her lover can't be too good. Few people in the throes of orgasm can quote shakespear.
For it to happen natural your mood has to be right and if you don't think the sex is dirty, then you won't talk dirty. Simply put, if you are making love to him you don't shout out "fuck me like a whore".
Dirty talk is a fetish and as such it is something both should be comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with you if you don't like it doing it or receiving it.
But if you want to do it, there are some simple ways to 'train' yourself.
First, learn slang words for the various acts and bodyparts involved. Pussy, not vulva. Cock, not penis. Fuck, not make love. Tits, not breasts.
If you are naturally shy, try it first in solo mode. Then you don't need to worry about his reaction. Start with telling yourself what you are doing. If it feels nice to touch your own breasts say this to yourself, first in your head, then out load. Replace nice terms with slang words. Then imagine him being with you and think what you want him to do, then verbalize it. The trick is to slowly get comfortable speaking your thoughts and using dirty words.
When you are together, try to put what you feel and want into words. Want him to kiss you, SAY so. Like how he feels inside you, say so.
Remember to start small, don't expect to be a pornstar in one go.
Oh and if you fullfil his fantasy, it is only fair to return the favor. What do YOU want him to do?
A
female
reader, kittikat  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I had the same problem, I have always been very sensual and sexually adventurous, but I could never quite get the dirty talk down. I always felt silly when I tried, it makes no sense because I thought I was a self-confident, assertive woman. I think it has something to do with you being afraid of his reaction. What if he laughs at you or doesn't really think it's sexy? It's too much pressure when he's sitting there waiting for you to say something. Fortunately as I got older it just started happening when I least expected it. I'd find myself just blurting stuff out, I think it comes with security and confidence. When I'm not feeling my best, it doesn't quite flow, but sometimes in the heat of the moment I shock myself. Tell your man how you feel and that it's too much pressure to be put on the spot. You could also tell him that words can't possibly convey the dirty, nasty things going on inside your head and that actions speak louder than words. Then do something that will blow his mind. When the moment's right, it'll come. Just relax!
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